theprodigalsoldier-blog

Latest Posts by theprodigalsoldier-blog

@tatemcallisterr

Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.

Emery Allen (via wnq-writers)

@beautifulburnout

Isabel Lucas and Kellan Lutz on the Gold Coast for the premiere of their new film The Osiris Child.

hinemoanax:

Kora blinks in the darkness as the man on their porch speaks - they recognize the voice, and as their eyes adjust, their brows lift. They hadn’t expected Jax to be the one to turn up on their doorstep - usually if anyone arrived at their house in the middle of the night it was a drunk college-friend who’d thought it’d be easier to uber to Kora’s and crash on their couch. 

“Oh. Sup, dude.” 

Kora blinks a few more times like a sleepy child trying to process something, kind of just letting his words rush over them. They don’t say anything for a second, snapping the door shut. It opens a moment later, as they’d had to slide the chain off before letting him in. 

“I can handle blood,” they say, pulling the door open to let him in. Normally they’d probably be a little freaked out in a situation like this, but they were at that stage of sleep-deprivation where everything felt just a little surreal, like they were watching themselves from afar. Like they were existing but slightly to the left, or like they were watching it on tv.

“Uh… What the fuck happened?” They ask as they usher him inside, shutting the door and locking it again out of habit. They scuttle across the room afterwards to flick on a main light, illuminating the room that’d previously only been lit by a side lamp and the blue glow of the television. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, of course.” They’re quiet a moment before flapping a hand at him, dragging a chair out from under the kitchen table and gesturing it as they try to think back to that first aid course they took in high school. 

“Uh. You should sit, or something.”

jaxon groaned as he shifted, the wound in lower back shooting sharply with pain. this had to take the cake for one of the fucking stupidest thing he’d gotten himself into. seeing kora’s hesitant reaction, he couldn’t help be feel guilty for imposing himself (and all his bullshit) on the younger one. but kora was someone he thought as solid, and he’d definitely be making it up to them in the future. hard. 

“ ‘course you can ask. i mean, i’m showin’ up here late as fuck, bleeding. kinda owe it to you, ” he huffed with a soft chuckle.  “ i, uh... got into a bar fight. which, is dumb enough. but people are stupid and crazy, and this guy’s buddy stabbed me with a god damn nail. and i.... i kinda need you t’ pull it out. i’ll talk you through it. ” he offered up, a small consolation to an admittedly crazy request. he’d do it himself, but with the nail shoved into the meat on the left side of his lower back, he couldn’t really reach it on his own. 

he sat with a groan, sitting sideways and pulling his shirt higher up off his back. the nail was protruding about an inch out of his back. driving here was a fucking bitch, but it was the reason he came here. it was the closest. he set a small first aid kit on the kitchen table (one of the ones he kept in his truck). “ if this is too much, tell me. i don’t wanna ask you t’ do something you’re not okay with. i know it’s a lot. ”

tylerbeyond:

there was a story there. tyler didn’t know what it was, but he felt he could relate. thankfully, he had enough tact not to ask. “yeah! rip every party i’ve never been to! they could never be perfect because i never showed up. listen, you’re joking, but you’ve never been to a party with me.” he wagged his eyebrows at jaxon suggestively, then gave him a tight one-armed hug. “i’ll buy the first round. since it’s your birthday.”

“ maybe i’ve never been to a party with you. but i’ve been to a bar with you. and th’ roof of a bar with you. and snuck into a vip section of a club with you. so i think i get the gist, ” he laughed, squeezing tyler’s shoulder and grinning warmly at him. this was definitely a perk up in his usual birthday mood. leave it to fucking tyler.  “ well aren’t you fuckin’ generous? ” he teased, keeping his arm around tyler’s shoulders.  “ so where to, party god? since you scoff at my dive bars. ”

jaxon tucked his hands into his leather jacket, a Marlboro Red cigarette hanging from his lips, as he waited for tate outside McCormick’s. the text and the request came somewhat as a surprise to him, especially considering tate’s history. he’d always regarded the man as a serial monogamist. and he was pretty sure tate agreed. after the heartbreak of his high school sweetheart that dear john’d him, tate hadn’t ever been interested in going out to bars with jax. but now... he was. jax was trying to be optimistic about the night, rather than worried about what it really meant that tate was going out just to get laid. 

“ hey, man, ” jax smirked, taking the cigarette from his mouth and reaching out to grasp tate’s hand. “ want a cigarette? ” he offered, wanting to feel out tate’s vibe before they headed in. 

@tatemcallisterr

rcbeccxs:

It was impossible for her face not to soften up at the words, the usual concerned look for her brother bear was now obvious in her face. “Gavin is good– yeah, he is fine,” she mumbled quickly about her other brother. She was rather more attentive and more concerned with the one who was in front of her. Rebecca was much smaller than him, but he knew she was all kinds of feisty, but she was also soft. Soft as silk and it was with the same softness that she let go of her mug of coffee and reached across the table for his hand. Much bigger than hers, without a doubt, but she held it. “What’s wrong Jax? What do you mean by crisis?”

“ told you he’d be okay. i’m glad t’ see you less freaked out. bet th’ little one is glad to have him back too, ” jaxon smiled, squeezing her hand gently where it wrapped around his own. he’d been worried too, of course. with the rank gavin with at, and the special missions he was on... there was more danger than most of the military. but he wouldn’t dare show his worry to becca. and now the point was moot. thankfully. though that didn’t seem to ease becca’s worry for him. he sighed softly, trying to wrap his head around everything enough to verbalize it. “ remember jonny? my best friend from high school. th’ one i had feelings for. well... he’s in vegas now. apparently. and he wants t’ reconnect. and... becca. i don’t know what t’ do. it’s too much. ”

tatemcallisterr:

Tate should not be out, let alone going to a bar but at this point he didn’t care. He’d run out of alcohol in his house and his favorite liquor store wasn’t open this late ironically. In hind’s sight, drinking the last of the whiskey in his house probably should have been a sign to just stop drinking. But two glasses wasn’t nearly enough to get him drunk enough to fall asleep. After getting a combined fifteen hours of sleep the last few days, he thought maybe the only way to fall asleep was to get drunk enough to just pass out. Which deep down he knew was a horrible idea and just an excuse to drink, but that wasn’t the point. As he approached the bar and recognized the figure sitting outside it seemed fate was not going to let him get drunk tonight. “Well, you look like shit.” He spoke up upon getting a closer look at his friend. Taking a seat next to Jaxon he let out a soft sigh. “Aren’t cops supposed to be the ones that break up fights?”

while there was a large part of him that still really enjoyed fighting... he didn’t enjoy getting “caught”. but he could breathe easy, and his thoughts didn’t feel unmanageable. with all of that, it was hard to regret the decisions he made and the actions he’d carried out. despite the bleeding. jaxon scoffed at tate’s comment, licking at his split lip and screwing the cap back onto his flask.  “ some think th’ blood makes me look tough, ” he shrugged. “ and girls jus’ wanna patch me up. so. ” he chuckled dryly, sitting up a little straighter despite the ache soreness in his shoulders. “ supposed to. and yer not supposed t’ be drinkin’. yet here we are, ” he pointed at, offering up his flask to tate.  “ will it help if i tell you th’ guy was a creep? ”

…and I am out with lanterns, looking for myself.

Emily Dickinson, The Letters of Emily Dickinson. (via foism)

@tatemcallisterr

you are tired, you are hurt… 

wilycoyotc:

The university professor glances to his side. He can only smile in response to Jaxon. He doesn’t speak until he’s had another sip of his drink. 

“Seen you coming in with a few girls. Don’t tell me you’re out looking the break hearts,” he teased the male. “All routes to my place are shut down. Plus, my kids are in New York– THANKFULLY. What were you doing before the weather turned to shut?”

“ oh, yeah. i’m using the storm of a decade to fuck off helping people and get my dick sucked, ” he chuckled softly, shaking his head and passing a hand over his wet hair. he was basically soaked, and it was really started to fucking bother him.  “ and this is a warm place to ride it out... with whiskey. a nice perk. if you want a ride back to yer place, i can pull some strings. i’m goin’ on hour twelve of a night shift, and i’m tired of dealing with panicked tourists. ”

404erisnotfound:

     — *:･ 🃟🂡 The female looked at the offered cupcakes then at the male holding them out, with a narrowed gaze without saying a word. She crossed her arms over her chest and gazed more intently, still not uttering a word. After a couple of beats of intentional awkward silence, ❝ so why would I accept baked goods from a total stranger? ❞ Eris asked with an inquisitive tone yet her face remained impassive. After all, wasn’t there a general rule about it? Never open the door to people you didn’t know and never accept anything from strangers. Pretty standard things, right? 

jaxon just wanted to pawn off the cupcakes. but the woman that paused before them gave him a hefty glare, and jaxon only stared back at her. waiting. wondering. after 8 years in the marine, he didn’t squirm in stand offs.  “ .... ‘cause they’re cupcakes? no one’s forcing them on you, ” he pointed out, licking frosting off of one of his fingers with a shrug. no skin off his nose if she didn’t want to partake. 

hinemoanax:

Kora just about jumps out of their skin when they hear a noise on the porch of their shitty little bungalow. They were curled up on the sofa watching what was probably the tenth Inuyasha episode of the night (they’d lost control of their life a long time ago). They should’ve been asleep as they had an early start for school, but a dream about drowning had cut the whole sleep thing short. That whole crushing-darkness, burning lungs and numb limbs schtick really didn’t float their boat. Waking up in a cold sweat with that anxiety-slash-nausea-slash-panic feeling in their throat didn’t help either.

Kora slinks off the sofa when there’s a knock at the door, pausing their show as they let the blanket snake down their legs to fall on the floor. They scuttle over to the door - they spend a moment trying to peak out the window at whoever just jumpscared them, but between the flyscreens, the bars and the dirt (they didn’t clean the outside of the house, fam) they couldn’t make out shit. The broken porch light didn’t help in the slightest. 

They sink the chain before they crack the door open, just enough to peak out, squinting in the low light.

“Uh. Hi?”

[ @theprodigalsoldier ]

he was a cop. he was a good cop. good at his job, and cared a whole fucking lot. and he didn’t want to put that in jeopardy. and yet... his fighting had started getting worse recently. along with his drinking. it was something he refused to examine, or acknowledge, or deal with. so it just kept getting worse. usually, he could chalk up the after affects of his scraps as bumps and bruises he got on the job, or while sparing in the gym. but— this was a little more severe than a black eye. and why he was showing up at kora’s place way too god damn late. he couldn’t go to anyone else with this, because they’d make him go to the hospital. and he couldn’t risk the PD finding out. he felt bad coming by like this, with request for such a huge favor... but something told him kora would help. 

“ heyyy, kora, ” he said quietly, holding a towel against the wound on his lower back.  “ i’m real sorry for comin’ so late like this. but, you were closest, and i— uh, i need your help. if you don’t like blood... tell me now, and i’ll go. ”

tatemcallisterr:

Tate saw it coming, Jaxon’s careful first suggestion. It was the most logical thing to tell someone in his current state, and it certainly wasn’t the first time anyone had mentioned the idea to him. However, the way Jaxon proposed the idea was exactly why Tate wouldn’t do it. They both knew Tate wasn’t one to open up easily, or at all really. He used to be different. Talking about how he was feeling used to just come naturally to him. But a lot of things that used to come naturally were just not as easy anymore. “I’m not going to therapy.” Was all Tate said in response, completely shut down to even thinking about the suggestion seriously. He didn’t want to relive those days in his dreams and he sure as hell didn’t want to have to talk about them either. “It’s not fucked up, it’s just…stressed.” Tate decided before quirking a brow as Jaxon went on. “Oh yeah? You know Jonny, huh? Small world.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if anything would take the place of drinking. Although it might help me sleep for more than five hours.” It might also help him eat a decent meal once in a while, but he left that part out. Jaxon had enough worry in his eyes looking at him, Tate didn’t want to give him anything else. 

jaxon fully expected that reaction. even their issues in the past couldn’t erase the countless nights they spent on patrol together, and jaxon knew tate. then and now. they’d both changed in ways they hated to think about. he sighed to himself, and sat up a little straighter, leaning his elbows on the table and closer in.  “ look, man. i get it, okay? i don’t talk to them about my shit either. ‘cause i really don’t fuckin’ wanna drag all that shit up. but... they got counselors, who just give you suggestions, ya know? like they recommended me to a training program for my dogs, so they can help when i get overwhelmed. and they gave me a list of things to try when i’m in a bad place. jus’— somethin’ to think about, ” he shrugged, trailing off as he leaned back and sipped at his iced tea. it wasn’t something he wanted to pressure tate into. but he also didn’t want tate to blindly block out everything that had a possibility of helping. “ well i hope yer liver relaxes, ” jax replied, just barely smiling, hoping to get tate to relax some too.  “ yeah... we were best friends all through high school. remember i told you, how he went away to art school, got involved in sketchy shit, and we had a falling out. that’s jonny. same jonny you know, apparently. but smoking does help with the sleep thing. while your liver is healing, ya know? plus, i’d pay good money t’ see you stoned out of yer mind. ”

tylerbeyond:

“nope!” tyler said in a faux-cheery tone. “he never even cared to know me. honestly, i don’t remember much of him before we moved in. maybe i do but all shit that came after just blocks it out.” he shrugged, carelessly. it didn’t matter now. tyler never had to see his grandfather unless he really wanted to. laughing, he stuck his tongue out at jaxon. “fuck you man, no party is actually a party until i show up. oscars after party? not a real party until i show up.” wicked smirk on his face, he added, “it’s gonna be fuckin lit.”

“ yeah, i know that feelin’. i worshiped my dad as a kid. but after... everything with him went down. now he can get real fucked, ” jax replied, nodding in agreement with tyler’s sentiment. he hadn’t seen his father since he’d made sure the man went to jail. and had no plans to ever see him again. but jaxon didn’t dwell. instead he laughed at tyler’s little scowl.  “ oh yeah? damn, there are... so many parties that are real fuckin’ disappointed. ‘cause the great party god, tyler beyond never showed up to bless them party-hood, ” he shot back, a mirrored smirk.  “ c’mon, party god. i’m thirsty. ”

Kellan Lutz in The Legend of Hercules (2014)

high school jaxathan && adventure time verse jaxathan 

aka i’m procrastinating homework. 

@beautifulburnout // maker tool

And a hopeful rhythm woke within him She's singing to me "Glory" Had some letters written, 'course she's in 'em She's singing to me "Glory" Tried to tell her, throat was linen She's singing to me "Glory" I was only ever thinking about you, you know

✉ |:

To: Jonathan Daniel Winchesterc/o Charlotte Sawyer. 

[ separately enclosed ] : 

Auntie— If I don’t come home, can you make sure this letter gets to Jonny? I’m not sure where he lives now, but I’m sure you could find him on facebook or something. Thank you. I love you. 

Dear Jonny. 

I know this is too many years too late, and this definitely is the worst way to find out about… all of this. So I’m sorry for this, first of all. Anyways… 

If you’re reading this letter (fuck, how cliche) … I didn’t come home from my deployment. And not like, I ran away to France kind of didn’t come home. Like, never coming home. I don’t know if you even know I joined the Marines after I stopped fighting. But I did. Off to serve my country. So, if you’re reading this, I died for my country. 

And now, writing this, days before my first tour, I know that it’s a real possibility. So I’m putting certain things in place. My will, letters to the girls, and my mama, and auntie. Stuff like that. And a letter to you. Because I’ve been selfish and stupid enough with you in my life. I can’t be selfish and stupid in my death too. If I die before I ever get to see you again and tell you this shit in person, I want you to know some things. 

I’m sorry, Jay. I’m so fucking sorry. I was such a fucking asshole back then. I was possessive, and jealous, and over-protective. And I pushed you away. I made things miserable between us, because I couldn’t fucking handle my shit, and my feelings. It’s been two years, and I swear to god I think about you and us at least once a day. There’s always something that reminds me of you, or reminds me of how stupid I’ve been. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger, or more rational, or more patient, or more kind. I’m sorry I wasn’t better. I need you to know that what happened between us is the biggest regret of my life. Hurting you is the worst thing I’ve ever done. And at the point that you’re reading this, I’ve probably killed at least one person. I’d still regret hurting you and losing you more. 

The truth is that… I love you. Not just “I love you, man” kind of love. I’m in love with you. Yeah, present tense. I have been for so fucking long. I think I first realized how I felt about you…. 6 months after we met. I think even during that time I was in denial, because I didn’t know how to reconcile the fact that you were a guy. But it didn’t matter. I was confused, and I didn’t understand… But I understood that you smiling at me was the best thing I’ve ever fucking felt. And I understood that if I smiled, you’d smile back. You always joked that I only ever smiled with you… That’s why. I didn’t care about smiling at anyone else, because it didn’t feel like it did with you. God, how gay is that? haha. Guess I shouldn’t be confused about that anymore, huh? 

You were my best friend, Jonny. You were the only person I ever wanted to spend time with, and I only ever wanted you to spend time with me. You going away to college was so fucking hard, because I knew it meant that I’d missed my chance. Whatever slim chance I ever could have had. But you were going away, and you hadn’t even been there two weeks, and you were already telling me about this new guy you were dating. And fuck… Being jealous was bad enough, but then you were telling me that he was taking you to parties and introducing you to that… bullshit. And then i was angry, and protective, and scared for you. All of that, plus being so hopelessly fucking in love with you, and so god damn lonely… I didn’t know how to handle all those fucking feelings. So I was just a dick. I was mean to you because all my frustration just turned into aggression, i guess… Then you were upset and hurt, and you didn’t understand, and I just got more angry and frustrated at myself. I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t better.

I remember that night. When we were so fucking crossfaded, and at that stupid party, and you kissed me. Oh my god. You laughed when you kissed me, and I’m pretty sure I almost passed out. You sitting on my lap was nothing new, but I can remember the way you felt that night so clearly. And the way my heart pounded so hard the whole time. And everything that happened after that… I remember. I should have said something, but… I just thought, you were drunk, and you wanted affection. And I was always there to give that to you. Why would this be any different? Plus, i was so drunk, and after kissing you, I couldn’t figure out how to ask you to stay. I thought you were gonna come back. I woke up in the middle of the night, after I passed out, and I was so heartbroken, because you weren’t there. You’d left. And I didn’t understand why. You never leave. I figured that meant you regretted what happened. And I was so scared to have that confirmed, so I never brought it up. And I figured if you wanted it to happen again, you would have said something. Because… you’re you. And you’re not afraid to ask for what you want. But you didn’t ask for me again, and that was my answer. Maybe I was wrong, and maybe that was my biggest mistake. But sometimes I still dream about the way your lips tasted that night. 

Anyways… this is sappy enough. And I realize that this might just make everything worse, especially now that I’m dead. So, I’m sorry. If this makes it worse. But I just couldn’t die without making sure you knew all this stuff. 

I love you, Jay. I’ve loved you, so much, for so long. Don’t let piece of shit guys fuck with you. You’re a god damn masterpiece, kid. And I know you’re gonna put so much beauty in this world. I’m sad I’ll never get to see it. Please, take care of yourself. And find happiness. You deserve it more than anyone I have ever met in this stupid life. 

Give ‘em hell, pretty boy. 

- Jaxon Benjamin Sawyer. (aka jaxy)

⌚ :))))

“ i served with this kid for years, and yer gonna make me pick just one? ummm… fuck your rules, you get two. 

so over there… its so much fucking desert, and sand, and that shit is fuckin’ awful. it gets in your guns, it gets in your gps, it gets in your fucking lungs. sometimes there are these sandstorms, right? it just blows and blows and blows. and you can’t see shit, you can barely breathe, you can’t hear. yer just stuck in this browned out haze. and then… then sometimes it starts fuckin’ raining on top of it. so its just a mud storm. and then yer on your belly, trying to get out of the wind, and you get even more muddy. anyways. its awful. one night, tate and i are walking the perimeter, and before he reaches the end of his sentence, the wind starts up, and while i’m finishing settin’ up the standard issue tent for this kind of shit, it starts raining. so we’re both fuckin’ covered in mud, gettin’ this shit set up, trying not to lose hold of the damn thing. and mind you… it’s a one person tent. so we’re both soaking wet, and caked in mud, huddled in this tiny ass tent, waiting out the storm. and i mean… you get bored, ya know? so mcallister pulls out his pack of cards, and we know its gonna get ruined because we dont have a clean fucking scrap of material between us. but what else do ya do? so we sit there pretty much all night, playin’ every card game we can think of, talkin’ about everything and anything we can think of. and honestly… despite the storm, it really wasn’t a bad night. i think he lost a patch of hair because we let the mud dry and tried to pick it off. anyways, after that, i kept the ruined deck, and got him a new deck of cards, and ghetto laminated them with packing tape. i thought i was funny. 

so that’s one. that’s when we were serving. my other favorite memory is one i can barely remember. we were headed home on leave, but our flights were delayed because of atlantic storm. so we spent a couple days in dublin. and i mean… we were young, dumb, antsy marines back then. and we were in fuckin’ dublin for gods sake. so of course… we go out and get absolutely smashed. you’d think it was fleet week the way we tore it up. we were bar hopping, and making friends all over the place, because the irish fuckin’ love americans. i think we did karaoke at one point. or maybe we just sang real loud in a pub. anyways… i wake up the next morning, in someone’s hotel. tate is passed out on the floor with a bruise on his fuckin’ neck. i’ve got a split lip and a scrape on my cheek and my shoulder. there’s marbles in my pockets, a jacks and ball set on the coffee table. and a fucking red balloon tattoo on my foot. how we got from one point to the next is a little hazy,  but i do remember we had a whole god damn bunch of fun. we were both hungover on th’ plane going back to the states, but it was fun drinking bloody marys and trying to piece together the night. 

there’s lots of nights like both of those. but those two stick out, and just remind me that tate is a real ride or die. even when he definitely doesn’t agree with the stupid shit i wanna do. he still goes along with me, and makes sure that i don’t die. ”

@tatemcallisterr

beautifulburnout:

“He’s my little shadow,” Jonny agreed despite the stiffness of Jaxon’s words. He could still feel the tension and it felt like things were starting to bubble over. Maybe it was just that it was so obvious to him that Jaxon wasn’t comfortable around him. The first time he understood, and even when he got mugged things were a little weird but it just seemed like a continuing trend and it honestly made him worry. This was why he felt like he was forcing his company on Jaxon and why he offered him an out. He very much expected him to take it but when he brought up hanging out Jonny actually turned to look at him. He studied Jaxon’s features as he considered the offer. Was it just him being kind? But Jonny supposed if he didn’t want to hang out he would have taken the out. He was just surprised at the offer and it took him a moment to respond. “Peach vodka, huh?” He tucked his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels as if he was really considering things. But he smiled and gave a nod. “Yeah, I’m game. I wanna see how awful this vodka really is,” he chuckled and turned to look at the dogs once more. “Besides, imagine how sad they’d be if we cut their playtime short.”

jaxon could see the mix of surprise on jonny's face after his offer. he knew it meant that his behaviors, and the way he's been acting toward jonny hadn't been great. there was a twinge of guilt at the realization, but a feeling of helplessness along with it. how could he act towards jonny like they used to? after all this time? after all that pain? he tried not to think too hard about It at the moment. instead he just smiled at jonny, somewhat pleased at his acceptance. maybe this was when they should finally, actually, really talk. late at night, just the two of them, over a couple drinks... maybe it wouldn't be so bad. jaxon forced himself to not think too deeply about it, and to stay in the moment. to enjoy this moment. without ruining it by wondering, what if, what next, what now?  " yeah. peach vodka. ugh. a marine buddy gave it to me for my birthday. 'cause he thinks he's funny, " jax scoffed, shaking his head. " yeah. alright. cool. um... do ya just wanna follow me in my truck? "

@tatemcallisterr

beautifulburnout:

“The perks of not being a giant.” While the puppies played Jonny was tempted to just flop down in the grass and enjoy the conversation. But he had a feeling that Jaxon wouldn’t stick around long enough for that. It seemed like he was unwilling to get past the tension between them. Or was it that he didn’t want to? He supposed this was the complication of not talking for 10 years. At this point they had spent more time apart than together. Things couldn’t be the same again. The realization of that made Jonny ache. He knew Jaxon could read him like a book so Jonny turned, using the dogs as an excuse to not clue him in on how he was feeling. “Yeah well, Tanis falls on his face half the time he plays so they’ll have to take it slow eventually,” he chuckled and as if to prove his point his pup took a face dive but he was back on his feet in no time. Jonny rocked on his heels and glanced back when Jaxon responded about his knee. “Do more yoga and it’ll feel better,” he advised even though he knew there was something going through his mind beyond that. Jonny chewed the inside of his lip but he couldn’t keep silent on this forever. It just wasn’t his style. “So besides the knee what’s going on? If you really want to be alone I can take off,” he offered gently. He wouldn’t force his company on Jax and he was starting to feel like that was exactly what he was doing.

" he seems like a sweet dog. i bet he adores you, " jax offered, a little stiffly. and he hated it. this weird limbo wasn't ideal. and jaxon knew they'd have to talk about it, explicitly, eventually. because they'd either move past it and become friends again, or it would stall in this tension, neither of them making a step forward or step back. Maybe he should just make the decision to step away from whatever this was or was going to be. but that decision was too hard to make, especially after the realization that even ten years wasn't quite enough to quell the way he felt about jonny, or the connection between them. but could those two things coexist? could he survive that again? that was the unclear part of it.  " what? no. i mean... " he paused and furrowed his brow at jonny's offer. his tone was gentle, but he was blunt in a way that hadn't yet been with each other.  " i gotta get th' pups home soon. we've been out here a while... and, uh. well, i gotta make sure jamie doesn't get too worn out, and ginger doesn't get too worked up. " he shrugged and watched the dogs for a second, before glancing over at jonny.  " listen, uh... with you gettin' mugged and everything. we haven't really had a chance to hang out or, anything... i'm probably not going to bed any time soon, and i got this... awful bottle of peach vodka as a joke. the dogs can play in the backyard... if you wanna come over for a bit...? " he rubbed the back of his neck as he finally managed to get a clear question out. not that it should have been so difficult.