Literally Me

my parents almost named me altoid

fuck it, naming my kid Yarlf. just really getting gross with it.

not enough platonic cuddling in this world methinks

if i had to end the simpsons the final episode would be completely bereft of dialogue, cutting between character's houses, they're sitting silently in their comfortable spaces, at peace. over the course of the next 23 minutes we see every inhabitant of springfield slowly wither and turn to dust, open windows allowing them to be carried away on a light breeze. sometimes it seems painful, others joyful, but in the end nothing remains

From the moment I wake up that white boy vexes me to no end but ig that’s just what fathers do

still suffering from the effects of the W. Rizz Finkelmeyer Economic Collapse.

egg

I forgot that robot guy existed I fully thought you were talking about the kitten

you vs megatron, who wins

Me, shoving a Capcha test in front of his face and say "Solve this bitch"

really glad my brother got into dungeon meshi because our conversations led to stuff like this

my personal idea of hell is an eternity of sheltered 26 year old queers showing me 2018 tweets which call random things genders and waiting for me to laugh.

“ENGLISH OR SPANISH? WHAT THE SIGMA? HAWK TUA” I thought about killing you yesterday, and it disgusted me. I thought of carving a hole into the cavity of your chest, reaching in with my bare hands, seizing your heart between my fingers, and crushing the delicate clockwork lifegiver into so much gore and so many giblets. Tick, tick, tick, as I hold it delicately in my palm, in an instant, SQUISH! Gone. I thought of watching the light leave your eyes, and it disgusted me. Not because of the horror of the scene, which usually would terrify me. Not because the thought had entered my head at all, rising from the deepest pits of hell, which would usually be enough to frighten me. What disgusted me is that to do that, I would have to touch you. I. Loathe. You.