Therealestmallet - Love My Cat So Much

There is no creature on the face of the earth as unmistakable foul and cannibalistically cruel as the customer

the dentist makes me feel like a whore. they open me wide and jam their fingers and toys into me, they tell me to bite down, they call me good and obedient. it’s sexually charged s’what it is.

my parents almost named me altoid

fuck it, naming my kid Yarlf. just really getting gross with it.

my relationship exit surveys indicate women like when i am crying or in pain or being maimed or attacked by animals

You think Batman ever gave commissioner Gordon some like absolutely foul image before doing that thing where he disappears? Like his whole thing is “stop looking at me and boom gone”. You ever think he said “yeah I got some evidence” and handed him like an image of his bat ass balls and cock out and then disappeared

Isn’t Jojo the ship name for that volcano guy and usher from jjk

How the fuck did you anger @duothelingo tell us now

Stole their elaborate collection of snacking mice, until Tagalog is put on the app

I AM UNEMPLOYABLE

Shame how you both misspelled Lazagnea…..

My boyfriend just made a lasagne so good that I got a little bit hard

Hens

Change a single letter and change the word game

I want to play a game with you all.

You have to make a new word by changing only one letter of the last word.

Dirt

then you must kill everyone hotter than you on the fucking planet (you won’t need to hurt a hair on anyone’s head)

puki how do I get a boyfriend? 😔

You need to be the hottest bad bitch on the fucking planet