I'm Weak Because It's Like I Read Your Reblogs Or Answers And You're Mean But You're Nice At The Same

It must've taken you a lot of internal restraint to not slap the shit outta mike all those times he insulted you and your candy and you stayed calm or ignored him (the few times you didn't respond to him)

Mumbler didn't faze me a bit. He was just really annoying and not very smart. Ha!

Hallo! Augustus here! It vas my birzday four days ago. ;) *shows off a book he got titled "Garfield Livin' the Sweet Life"*

Hey! Happy belated birthday, dear boy! How's that funky chocolate situation going? Did you ever shower? Please tell me you didn't eat the chocolate off yourself...

I don't wanna talk about it, but here's a few old pictures of me growing up:

I have this theory that you're bipolar. Mainly cause when you go from being cheery to angry and petty quick. Every time the kids say something annoying you snap at them. When Augustus fell in your chocolate river you looked mad and like you didn't give a fuck then when the sucky thing sucked him up you had a smirk on your face and didn't do anything cause you wanted to see what would happen. You could've easily told your oompa loompas to get him out. You seemed like you really tried to warn all the kids except Augustus. Is it because he's fat? At the beginning of the tour you sarcastically body shamed him. You lowkey got a dark side lol

I don't understand anything you're saying. Each child was a complete brat and their parents were equally irresponsible for contributing to their kid's downfall, a lack of discipline, parenting and all that stuff.

Example, Augustus and his mother are the same size, if you get what I'm saying. If she had told him to put down a cookie or two years ago then maybe he wouldn't have been so tempted and greedy at the factory. And I was the true victim here, I had to drain my poor chocolate river and replace all the contaminated chocolate. That cost me a lot of money. So I don't want to hear about how I'm such a terrible person for supposedly taking a little pleasure in their pain.

Oh...

Well then.

Ur thicker than a bowl of oatmeal 💚💚💚

I have no idea what that means, and I hate oatmeal. I'll take it as a compliment, though! Thank you! ☺️

You really stayed inside your factory for fifteen yrs????? That's so crazy 😯🤔😲

Don't be silly, I went out in search of exotic flavors for new candy ideas numerous times. Fifteen years...pish posh.

So I talked to Tarrant last night about the get together as you requested and he would like to know why do you dislike Alice and not want her to come, what do I say? 😨

Oh, dear Edward! Poor boy, I shouldn't have asked you to talk to him, I apologize. I dislike Alice because she got drunk with a blue caterpillar at the last get together and made a complete fool out of herself (and offered some of my Oompa Loompas a sip of her "Trippy Juice"). No need to be nervous dear boy, I'll handle it from here.

😒

Would you like to be friends? 😁😄😃

Ha ha...no.

Because you see, most people aren't going to put the same amount of effort in that I do...and that is the biggest form of rejection to me. The worst kind, actually. Friends let you down, or people you trust betray you and steal your secret chocolate recipes, why should I want them? Besides, The Buckets, Hatter and Edward are my dearest friends. I have no more tolerance for others. Maybe you should ask Edward, he told me that it gets lonely up in that stuffy castle sometimes, and unfortunately I can't visit often. He lives quite the distance and my factory is demanding.

Can we see more wonka articles I love reading about your life!! :3

Of course you can! 😁 Here:

These are old, headlines for the opening of my factory to be precise! And if you can quite make out the Fortune magazine font it says, "The Most Successful Chocolatier in the World Opens the Gates of the Largest Chocolate Factory Ever Built".

~•••~

This is another article that goes along with the same date as the other. Grand opening of my factory, blah blah blah. Me cutting the ribbon. Fun stuff!

~•••~

And of course, this is an old one that I had posted once before in regards to a question about my awfully exaggerating 15-year disappearance:

~•••~

There are quite a few more good reads that I'm sure I could manage to dig up somewhere inside this factory. I'll post them sometime, eventually.

Follow me back? 😘

Uh, no. I don't do follow backsies. Or favors. My follow list is very small, five people to be exact. Yeah. This goes back to the "I don't like people or socializing" thing. Besides, I don't follow, I lead.

And I'm just here to talk about the 🍫 🏭.