Latest Posts by threerats-inatrenchcoat - Page 2

I don’t want to go back to uni tomorrow but I have to, I love my roommate but sometimes I feel unwelcome in the dorm.

honestly I’m debating on being up my bpd and depression to my counselor since I think he can understand and not judge me on it, but idk yet. I’m almost done with my freshman year so that’s something I guess

bro why the fuck am i so fucking anxious all the time

What it's like inside my brain:

SomeBODY once

told me that you had a boyfriend, who looked like a girlfriend, I had in February of

Laaast Christmas, I gave you my heart...

What I mean when I do not control the hyperfixation.

adhd executive dysfunction sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

(to everyone who reblogged, donate and share @olagaza's initiative!)

Well, actually funny story!

(Proceeds to tell you the most wild, traumatizing, sad and tragic story you ever heard)

Are you normal or do you have hypervigilence problems because you always had to be aware of your family members moods growing up in order to deescalate situations before the arose

That's a fact

Abuse isn't only physical. Sometimes it is...

Shouting at them until they cry/retaliate.

Humiliating them in front of friends and family.

Refusing to let them see friends and family.

Isolating them from what's outside.

Refusing to let them have control over their own finances / keeping it all for yourself.

Belittling their looks, their personality, their thoughts, etc.

Bullying them in any way.

Purposely pushing boundaries.

Threatening them, either physically, verbally or emotionally.

Controlling what and when they eat.

Locking them in rooms so they can't escape.

Refusing to let them use the toilet/eat/sleep/etc. after or before a certain time.

Gaslighting them into questioning their own reality.

Lying to or manipulating the people around them so they look like the abuser.

Purposely breaking their belongings, especially in front of them.

Ignoring safewords/"stop"/anything that indicates they're not okay with what's happening (in general, not just in the bedroom)

Giving them zero privacy. That means going through their diaries, tracking them, attending their therapy/doctors appointments when they don't want you to.

Setting them up to fail for the sole purpose of getting to punish them.

Obvious favoritism of one child over another/the others.

All of these are things that I have personally been through. They contributed heavily to my eating disorder, my BPD, my anxiety and my depression.

I feel this but with family/friends :(

I want love but I don't want to have to beg for it. Please love me too. Please acknowledge me. It's like you don't want me here anymore...are you better off without me? Is everyone better off without me?...

i don't feel well and i'd really like to hurt myself

“Mouthful of Forevers”, Clementine von Radics

You are not a bad person for having used escapism as a coping mechanism when you were younger. You are not at fault for why you did. You did what you needed to in order to survive. It is not your fault you ended up developing it as an unhealthy coping mechanism. You were a child who needed to survive and cope.

When you grow up in an abusive home, you don’t become a people pleaser to please people. You become a people pleaser to keep the potential for more abuse away.

Hey, it’s not your fault. You were just a kid. You may still BE a kid. But I know a few things for certain:

You didn’t ask to be born into this world.

You didn’t ask to be treated the way that you were treated—whether it was by bullies, parents, or other family members.

You didn’t ask to “be a burden” to your caregivers, you deserved that space to be loved and safe

You didn’t ask for your consent to be broken.

You didn’t ask for the shame and guilt someone put you through.

You aren’t bad for something happening to you. You aren’t your trauma.

I’m sorry if you were ever made to feel that way, and I know that may never mean much coming from a stranger, but I know it’s something I wish I heard more.

text could never portray the scream i wish i could let out

On Isolation

a hug would be nice but not waking up would be better.

I did my best to be lovable.

"But you were fine 2 seconds ago"

yeah and now im not

"But you said you were getting better"

yeah and now im getting worse

switching from fine to depressed and/or near suicidal like a traffic light 😭

Born to be clingy and obsessive, forced to be cool and nonchalant about things

Where do i go if nowhere and no-one feels like home anymore

man this hits me right where it hurts…

pls don’t flirt with me i want to be nonchalant so bad but i unfortunately crave connection so intensely that i will give you my entire soul and forgive you over and over until i’ve lost myself completely and feel like i’m drowning

maybe in another universe, I can ask for help when I need it.

i thought it was hard, i knew nothing