Normalize Biting People You Like

So January was 17 weeks long. And February is 3 and a half horrifying days. Do I have that right?

i’m going to burst into tears. such a hauntingly stupid and wonderful phrase to immortalize somewhere. LOOK AT PIttbert!

Like playing with boobs?

Now you have a legit reason to do so.

Science has found that compressing the cells in breasts will decrease the chance of malignant cells growing in the tissue. So playing with boobs can help prevent breast cancer. So play with your boobs! Play with your partner’s boobs! It’s healthy!

I will block your wife. I will block your son. I will block your infant daughter.

how it feels to wash your hair and brush your teeth and have clean clothes on

(conspicuous boner in tight shorts wont subside, attempting to shift blame) yo who put this penis in my pants 

Boyfriend tells me I’m banned from fixing things around the house now >:(