Seems Like A Good Fucking Day To 0d, Do Drvgs, Or Cvt

All my relationships are temporary.

I've never had a long time friend, no one has even been around me for more than a few years. I don't miss them, I have no drive to keep in contact.

I lose interest and move on, even the people I know now, I have no motivation to talk to them. Despite the fact I could keep the friendship alive. It just, feels like a dead weight.

Seeing people talk about the relationships they have, their close companions, people they trust and actually know. I'm not human, not in the way other people are.

I hate how the antisocial dial being cranked up to full volume makes me have the urge to claw my way out of my own skin. Everything is unbearably boring, annoying, or just not enough for me when I'm like this. Something I don't like happens? Rage. I manage to actually enjoy something? I have to bleed it dry in an attempt to feel satisfied. I won't be.

It's extremely hard to care about anything I say or do, and my ability to mask drops to just about nothing.

- Rift

Showering with open cuts hurt like hell

@ yungflowergun

Roleplay: Rambling #20

21st April 2022, 21:46

I think I know why I like roleplaying so much. It’s like I can escape into a different reality and become somebody entirely else. I can make friends and lovers. I can be in a fantasy world with powers and dragons. I can be the centre of attention. When I roleplay, I can switch of this prison of a world and forget all the horrible things that are happening to me. When I roleplay, I don’t feel so alone. I love the people I roleplay with, the ones that are genuinely good at writing, because they create these wonderful worlds and situations for me to be in. They give me an escape, and I’m forever grateful. I have roleplayed for many years and it has never gotten boring to me. I enjoy being loved. I enjoy being beautiful. I simply enjoy being.

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

Clarice Lispector, from Selected Crônicas; “Excess and Privation “

I've seen so many times things like:

Think about the people that you'll hurt.

Why tho?

Why do I have to think of someone else?

What about me?