"Papa, Is It True Uncle Henry Beat You Up?"

"Papa, is it true uncle Henry beat you up?"

Heinrich had never seen his father looking so offended. The nobleman turned to his squire, who was pointedly avoiding his gaze, nonchalantly chewing on his portion of stewed rabbit.

"You did not beat me up," Hans said haughtily, folding his arms, "anyway, I was drunk."

"I didn't say a word," Henry held his arms up defensively, giving Heinrich a discreet wink, "besides, you were asking for it."

"Oh, was I?" Hans rounded on Henry, pointing at him dramatically, "it's not too late for you to be punished, you know."

"Apologies, sir," Henry gave a sarcastic half bow from where he was sitting, "I thought I'd been punished enough."

Hans nodded, looking Henry up and down as he added, "well, as long as you remember I can take you any time, any place."

"Oh, I remember," Henry said with a chuckle, his gaze fixed on Hans. Heinrich looked between them before he stood up and began walking towards the door. Henry leaned past Hans, calling after the boy, "where are you going?"

"Oh, Mama told me I have to leave the room when you two start looking at each other like that," Heinrich shook his head, shrugging innocently, "I don't know what she meant either."

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tostitrolx

1 month ago

yall remember that one image. anyway

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tostitrolx

1 month ago

some modern hansry kcd2 headcanons I thought could be funny

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tostitrolx

1 month ago

The stronger dog fucks the bitches etc etc,

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tostitrolx

1 month ago

"I want him gone," Heinrich declared, barging into the hall where his father and godfather were talking. He pointed behind him, insistent, "he is insolent, disrespectful, uncooperative..."

"The new stable boy, Tomas," Hans clarified to Henry who nodded in understanding, an annoyingly knowing smirk on both of their faces. Hans schooled his expression as best he could, shrugging at his son, "what would you have me do? His father is the best horse master in the region."

"Why don't you challenge him to a duel?" Henry said with a snigger, glancing at Hans who was barely keeping it together beside him.

"Good call," Hans declared, nudging Henry conspiratorially whilst addressing his son, "just don't try to fight him drunk. He'll end up in your service and then you'll be fucked."

They did start giggling, then, at some private joke that was completely lost on young Heinrich. He looked between them, staring at them as if they'd lost their minds.

"You two are so fucking weird."

The teenager stomped out of the room, making sure to slam the door behind him. Still laughing slightly, Henry wiped a tear and looked smugly at his lord.

"Well, you wanted him to take after you."

Hans rolled his eyes, "shut up, Henry."

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tostitrolx

1 month ago

I’m crying I feel like I’ve had this exact scene play out

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tostitrolx

1 month ago

it will never stop being funny how preposterously, unhingedly down bad hans capon is for this random blacksmith. down so bad that he physically cannot stop giving him his possessions. down so bad he needs to pick out his clothes. down so bad he is racing to follow him into almost certain death. down so humiliatingly, cringe-inducingly, never-before-seen-levels-of bad that the only thing that cheered him up from the depression of a forced marriage is the realization that from this marriage will eventually emerge a SON and then he can name that son HENRY and that's going to be FUCKING SICK DUDE. OUR MY SON HENRY JR

help this man

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tostitrolx

1 month ago