I Love You Guys

what people think alice oseman books are like: blushing awkward first meetings, little chaste first kisses, giggling teenage boys holding hands what alice oseman books are actually like: hey what if your entire personality is actually a carefully constructed facade to make other people like you and to disguise the fact that you don't actually know who you are. if you stripped away all the walls, all the artificial things that you think make you up, what would be left? what would happen if you stopped living for other people and started living for yourself? is there even a person in there or just a gaping void with nothing left in it? wouldn't that be fucked up? do you even know yourself? do you even have a real personality anymore?

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Hello. I hope somebody is listening.

I've cried a lot as a child. Too much, perhaps, but as i can remember i was a very quiet and sad kid. But mostly at night, when no one could see me. When i was very small, i cried loud, so my parents wpuld hear me, and care for me. when i got older and my parents divorced, i stopped. I cried quietly, not wanting to get noticed, into my pillow or my plushie. The plushie is called Leo. I still have him, take that little lion everywhere with me. I remember how he catched my tears at night so my pillow wouldnt be wet. I remember how i cut his fur and my own hair, wanting to donate it to children that dont have any. Obviously, that didnt work and my parents just got angry at me for it. I cut my hair a few times as a child. Perhaps that was one of the early signs that i was trans. Either way, everytime i cry, i can taste my tears on my lips and feel them run down my cheeks. hear my quiet sobs, and suddenly im the 7-year old child without friends that was scared of its stepfather again. Suddenly im the child that needed therapy because its family situation traumatised it again. Suddenly im that child that just gets laughed at all the time and that no one wants to play with again. So i was a sad child. but im an even sadder teen. Im a transboy with a transphobic family. I get misgendered everywhere. At school, at home. My classmates make fun of me for it. they talk about me all the time. about how weird i am. not even my irl friends use my right name. when i told my dad, i prepared a PowerPoint. i couldn't even talk, had a full on panic attack so i just skipped through the presentation and let him read. He didnt let me get halfway through before he told me that there was no way he would support me in any way. I keep telling myself that in 3 years i can transition, but i am scared for the city. The goverment already monitors us all, we as queer people are barely legal right now, and it just gets worse ans worse. There are a lot of allies in the city, that try to throw the government over from the inside. but in the end, the government and the bad people are everywhere. We cant get rid of them. And I think it only gets worse. If i didn't manage to escape the city in 4 years, and if in 3 years, the city controls us completely and makes us live under even worse circumstances than we do right now, I'll cut my signal off. I mean it, old sport. I'll remove myself from the system. Because i cant live that way.

Radio out.

I don't think I belon there.

I never actually even Invisioned my self there.But here I am and "there" is actually "here" now.

I don't get it at times, I have been not getting any of it for months now. I don't really know what to do , I just know what I'm feeling, and what I've been avoiding to face.

But this is safe, this is a safe space. If I take off I'm nothing, there's nothing out there in the real world .old sport ..

"ohh what if my kid starts identifying as a CAT because of the trans agenda we have to prote—" well they've always done that. do you remember the psychological effects of h2o on young girls. of warrior cats on autistic children. i believed i was a demigod because of percy jackson. twilight came out and kids were telling their friends they were secretly vampires. this is just a thing kids do. worry less

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Maybe because sadness can be a deeper emotion for writers to explore

why is it easier to make your characters miserable rather than happy?

the bond between mutuals who only share one or two fandoms is stronger than an entire fandom combined… I do not know what you are blogging about but you are right, pip-pip and bing-bong are homosexuals who crave blood and understanding and I will heart that in support