I’ve Never Needed Someone More Than I Need U Rn. I Miss You. I Don’t Miss Us, But I Miss You. I Want

my roommates are fighting.

they’re engaged. i love them both very much but they’re both very different when they’re upset. it’s never as triggering as i expect it to be. maybe something in me is still too broken to fix.

i’ve kind of become their couples therapist. i’m usually unneeded but i’m good at looking at situations from the outside.

i do catch myself wondering if this would’ve been us. i hope not. it gets pretty heated. it’s not a bad relationship, they just clash when it comes to the communication of different agreements. i know they love each other.

i loved you even when we fought.

i am so thirsty someone get me a refreshing glass of ice cold sparkling piss

u ever just get that lil squeezy ouch in your chest that just fuckin Hurts

i miss you.

and i miss you.

and i miss you.

and i miss you.

and i miss you.

and i miss you.

and i miss you.

and i miss you.

and i miss you.

and then i lay back down and drown the world out.

the only reason my favourite animal is the dunkleosteus is because of the game hungry shark where they called it “big daddy”

me staring at the “please don’t take anything” text knowing i already took something

chat i gotta be honest i might kill myself

do mi ti

why not me

good morning.

i am just so confused. i can’t talk about it to anyone because i was asked not to but i am not sure what to do. it’s frustrating? i think.

i wrote a song. i was so nervous yesterday i wrote it before the call. it’s called “— goodbye.” i’m trying to give it like a cigarettes after sex vibe i think. here are the lyrics:

the room is spinning

you don’t know me at all

but still, you’re giving me a chance

one more second chance

you know you haunt me

you found the letters buried in my room

years have passed

i never thought id see you again

now i know i won’t

because i’ve said goodbye

i mean it this time

we’re strangers once again

i realize i’ve molded myself into

the person you would’ve wanted

i wonder if that means you’ll haunt me forever

they say you never forget your first true love

perhaps i’ll be carrying you with me

i’ve forgotten your voice

the one i used to know

the one that loved me so

i’m glad you’ve changed

i can’t mourn a ghost that’s not there

i’m glad i said goodbye

because i meant it this time

we’ll always be strangers

and when i lay in bed at night

wishing i had someone to love me again

i’ll remember all you taught me

and understand love comes naturally

not from force

i won’t worry about what could’ve been

only what could still be

i’ve always seen the world from eyes

that search for the reason “why?”

i’ve waited and waited for a chance like this

but now that it’s over

it’s time to say goodbye.

it’s just a draft of course. id like to add some things and make it more coherent. the way i write is just word vomit on a page. i posted the instrumental on my twitter.

i changed the album list again. took off some songs that i just didn’t like. they were pretty negative anyway.

i haven’t heard from the others in days and i’m not quite sure why. my head feels quiet.

other than that, i feel free. it’s like a weight has been lifted off my chest. i don’t know how to feel about it or if i should feel anything.

i think i like having a diary.

thinking about baked bean