Latest Posts by vrgl - Page 7
I have learned how to live, how to be in the world and of the world, and not just to stand aside and watch.
playlists i made inspired by literature pt 1
sitting alone in your mansion, you nurse your glass of champagne, you lay back on the chaise lounge, a cigarette in hand. you look up at the mauled, grotesque portrait that was once so beautiful. it was painted for you hundreds of years ago,and yet you have not aged a day. “i’m so sorry basil” you murmur
the year is 1832 and you in are in paris, you have been planning a revolution along with your friends for almost a year now. there is a fire in your belly, a war in your mind and you are ready to die for your blessed france, ready to die among your best friends.
everything in this school is old and beautiful, and the classics are truly coming alive here. you are drinking wine every night, practising your latin and concerning yourself with the most odd looking, most enchanting friendship group. rumours of murder and divine intervention follow you wherever you go. something in this school is dionysian and deadly.
ex·cel·si·or /eks-ˈkel-sē-ˌȯr/ adj. latin, meaning "ever upward" or “still higher”.
an instrumental mix made of film scores. for early morning productivity & hair down days. listen.
Training the mind/ personal development
Ok sooo … recently I’ve been trying to teach my mind to be ok and although I know that there will be times when I’m not that, as well, is ok. The point is, I’m trying. Sometimes .. once in a blue, I’ll mention little things that I’m doing to be ok but I just want to mention that therapy is also an option if you need someone to talk to. (i believe if you’re in school (uni, college), counseling might be included in tuition) You don’t have to deal with it on your own. Below I share sources of things i’ve watched, listened to, follow, etc of where i get motivation, positivity, and tips of personal development. I know there are others out there who may feel the same way as I do and don’t know where to find motivation or where to begin. I got tired of feeling like a prisoner to my mind and decided to slowly try to find ways to tell my brain “everything will be ok.” I am no pro at this but again I’m trying. Feel free to add on! Just remember it’s ok and to take care of yourselves my loves! 💕
videos .. specifically ted talks:
how to become mentally strong
self love
using what you already have
enjoy time alone
podcast(s):
optimal living daily
youtubers that talks about “getting your life”:
lavendaire
muchelleb
pintrest also helps for personal development!
here’s a board of the things i’ve pinned (so far) for personal development
adding positivity to your instagram feed:
selfcareisforeveryone
positivelypresent
i spend way too much time on spotify and thus have way too many playlists, but here are some of them as a thank you for 11k !!
neptune / soundtrack to a warm coffee on a sleepy afternoon
pluto / 3am, lying upside down off the bed with dim phone light on your face
saturn / laughter, pillow fights and intentionally bad singing-along
mars / quiet piano floats through the window on a warm, windy evening
lunar / during windows-down summer car rides with your friends
solar / fingers tracing on a thigh and quiet evening humming
jupiter / gentle, wordless, beats to see you through revision
eclipse / a soft voice paired with a guitar, and a cup of tea
earth / for dozing off amidst gentle yawns, wrapped in blankets
cosmos / a face amongst the crowd, stairs to the subway, city lights
galaxy / clink of glassware and muted murmurs amongst background jazz
sapph / for the girls who love girls
cappuccino / the feeling of a 9am coffee on a gently sunny morning
i desperately want to be happy. i can feel the ache for it deep within my bones where purest part of my soul screams for it. like without it i will die.
sometimes i think i have it. i let myself get comfortable with the carefree air i carry with me and the laughter that fills my lungs are heart. i feel complete as if i have everything i could ever want and question what it was like to feel alone and hopeless.
and then all of a sudden something slips.
and it is like i have awoken from a wonderful dream to only be thrust back into a cold reality. every interaction i have is made through a sheet of glass, voices muffled and touches separated. and the screaming is back.
i know i will one again be back within the warm realm of belonging where joy seems to reside. but this cycle exhausts me to my core and makes me question if i will ever be permitted to stay bathed in happiness and light.
russian classics aesthetic
Brothers Karamazov: orthodox monasteries, deep woods, starry nights, the sound of paper being torn, dimly lit rooms, withered roses, an unfinished letter, piles of books, the sound of shattering glass, ticking of clocks in a silent house, heavy wooden furniture, the air before a storm, the smell of earth, a crowd of people dressed in black, distant murmurs, emptied streets, the fear of walking alone in dusk
Crime and Punishment: coldness of the skin against a blade, slender pale fingers and slightly shaking hands, a red stain blooming on white fabric, lonely steps in a corridor, the slow dripping of water, looking out of the window into the thickening darkness, a single dying candle on the table, listening to one’s breath and counting heartbeats, too many stairs, the desire to be invisible, a subtle memory of kind word
The Idiot: classical statues, wealth covered with dust, a dark house tainted with inherited madness, an unsettling feeling, long walks in a park, useless chatter, a silken ribbon forgotten on a bench, a melancholic face, an unexpected spring rain, the joy of reading one’s favorite book, the clarity of mind after fully perceiving the world around, looking at cloudless sky
Anna Karenina: fields of crops, flowers brought from an early morning walk, the wind caressing a girl’s hair, a bowl of fruit, the smell of ripe pears, the clatter of a spoon against porcelain when stirring tea, children’s laughter coming from the garden, soft sunlight and white curtains, the sensation of velvet against skin, pearls from a ripped necklace spilling on marble floor, a sudden silence in a room full of people
War and Peace: a glass of wine, the brightness of a crystal chandelier, white lace, a raging snow storm, the sound of a door being gently closed, the moment of holding one’s breath before walking in a ball room, indulging in looking at a beautiful earring against light, the sound of a saber being drawn, closing one’s eyes for a moment while dancing, the sweet smell of strawberries, a pair of gloves left on an armchair, light scent of powder
The Master and Margarita: the chaos of a lively city, ambient jazz in expensive restaurants, jumping on a moving tram, the sight of Moscow from the roof of a house, yellow flowers in a vase, leaning out of the window, shelves stacked with books, a small tin box with old photographs, strange shapes in the night sky, laughing in the middle of the night on a balcony, colorful posters for a surreptitious magician’s show floating in the wind
Eugene Onegin: a lonely mansion, reading a book in the parlor, faint piano melody lingering in falling silence, long evenings, passing seasons, discussing french novels of the moment, unspoken thoughts, leaning against the door frame, quickly averted glance, eating a peach absent-minded, bright mornings, footprints in snow, a loud gun-shot terrifying a flock of birds nearby
A Hero of Our Time: byronic boredom, getting up late in the afternoon, the hidden unspeakable sadness of existence, shakespeare’s tragedy opened next to untouched breakfast, cigarette smoke, polished boots, walking with one’s coat wide open letting the night chill break through to the bone, carved wooden chair, fading warmth of the ashes late in the evening, the thought of farewell
Fathers and Sons: birch groves, morning mist, moss covered stones near a moor, scientific books, white roses, cheap champagne, shabby pocket-watch, light-hearted irony, a maladroit cello sonata, freshly mowed grass, leaving thoughts come and go, a slow yawn, picturesque plates and bowls filled with traditional dishes, drinking tea on the porch, longing for the future
Doctor Zhivago: a strange feeling of loss, writing poems in a diary, traveling by train, the hesitation before touching someone’s hand, the gaze of one lost in thought, the warmth of cinnamon, a scarf brightly embellished with flowers, a glass of water, two people listening each on the other side of the door, a threadbare jacket, the tempting void, the evanescent serenity of yesterday
Dead Souls: horses in a merry gallop, delicious smells mingled, grotesque and bizarre tragedy, luxurious attire cheap soul, masks, a perfumed love letter, the triumph of sarcasm, an unattached wheel rolling down a dusty road, the atmosphere of commedia dell’ arte, puzzling speeches, a baffling caricature drawn on a handkerchief
Cherry Orchard: a lone chair in an empty room, falling blossoms, old samovar, the unsettling need for change, a mirror reflecting full moon, the disappointment of a glossy object turning worthless after second glance, a piano out of tune
when oscar wilde wrote “there are moments when one has to choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, completely-or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands” i felt that
Two fair men lie in water warm and slow,
As brothers are they joinēd heart to heart;
But Cupid hath not struck them with his bow;
Lest that be thought, they sit five feet apart.
abs are cancelled. we all about soft tummies now
What pleases u in bed?
sleep
spin the bottle except instead of kissing each other you fight
I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”
Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.
push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.
stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.
buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.
strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.
organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.
have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.
push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.
message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.
think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.
become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.
one day you’re gonna look forward to waking up
mantra for today: “I don’t give a fuck about what other people think of me, I believe in myself, my capabilities and I know what a strong person I have become. I will let people judge and let their words either bounce off or become my fuel”
I want to be alone but I don’t want to be lonely
I want to be special and I want to be insignificant
I want to be brave and I want to be cowardly
I want to work and I want to do nothing
I want to be loud and I want to be quiet
I want to be noticed and I want to be invisible
I want to live and I want to sleep
I am a contradiction and that is ok
me: say those three words and I’m yours
college library online database: full text available
It breaks my heart how well the misunderstood understands others
Idealist
The Catholic church convicts Galileo of heresy (1633)
Me every day*
How to feel like an ancient empress
*Wear velvet, silk, fine fabrics
*Take long baths with milk, honey, and olive oil
*Wear perfume with frankincense or rose or myrrh or neroli
*Wear gold and pearls and precious stones
*Paint your nails red or gold
*Put lavender satchels in your drawers
*Have good posture
*Give yourself a facial massage
*Speak with confidence–no one has the right to overpower your voice
*Rub a body oil into your skin when you get out of the bath
*Use a face oil with your moisturizer
*Wear a watch and be punctual
*Listen to those in need
*Clean and declutter your space
*Smile–but only when you want to
*Braid your hair
*Read novels or folklore/myth or poetry
*Be kind to children–have no sympathy for those who would hurt them
*Use cosmetics with pearl powder
*Go to bed early
*Eat well
