Wasted-life-musings - Musings Of A Wasted Life

The Cemetery

My last post reminds me I never told you people that I worked in a cemetery as a teen, I remember the first body I buried i was maybe 13, 14 ( i worked under the table because i knew people there ) He was a suicide victim, 35 i think.  I stood at a distance during the funeral, picked up the plywood, took off the straps from lowering the coffin, etc. 

With modern machinery most is done with a backhoe, but you need to manually shovel the dirt between the vault and the ground, and etc.  so It’s raining out, and by the time i get there the hole is filled with water, i jump on the coffin and shovel dirt, i feel the coffin move beneath my feet, i float on this dead man and shovel dirt in cracks/ 

I remember after I went to the crematorium, which was a warehouse full of cardboard boxes, and drank coffee and what not, it being cold and rainy.  I remember shedding a single tear for the man I never met and moving on with my life.

After that it was childsplay, nothing in a box or in the ground was even human, but that one moment will stick with me forever, that and the smell of the crematorium, once you smell a burning human body I promise you you wont ever forget it. 

By 13 I had looked death in the face, and maybe it was traumatic by millennial standards but death has always been a part of life, and by 13 I knew someday id have some small funeral of people pretending to care and I’d be put in the boggy mud and forgotten forever more.  It has shaped my life in ways you’ll never understand sans the experience. 

There is no god, there is no redemption, there is here and now, and there is gone, and dont let any Babylonian babble sway you, when you’re standing on that floating coffin you know then and there, god is a lie and there is no redemption.  I think, in private, I cried for that strangers water laden corpse more than I did for any of my loved ones, I regret not remembering his name. 

The vampire squid is neither a vampire, nor a squid.

Its Latin name translates as “the vampire squid from hell.” And while its crimson skin and glowing eyes support its title, deep sea ecologists like Bruce Robison of the montereybayaquarium Research Institute have come to see the vampire squid as the antithesis of a bloodsucking predator. In fact, studies have shown that Vampyroteuthis infernalis is actually a gentle steward of the ocean’s depths, gracefully foraging on marine detritus.

Watch the video:

Heroin, Good for Colds!

Some of my Junkie friends have melted their minds so badly I don’t even know what the fuck they’re saying half the time, especially when typed.  I don’t mean spelling mistakes, i mean its like they have their own weird version of brain damaged english, they all seem to understand eachother, the rest of us are pretty much in the dark though. Here’s a real example:

“ docking it all day we gettin it in.... cant let them bring u down or they will alway feel important....im scared to run with this chick the past got me in totally diffrent mindset “ Sure those are all, words, they umm, sort of convey, something or rather.

And in typical histrionic needy junky fashion, they usually post about chicks/dudes not loving em, or how no one wants to hang out with them, woe is them, no one wants to hang out with you because you cant form a coherant sentence, you’re always stealing something or trying to borrow money, you turn every conversation into an excuse to cry about yourself, and you are literally walking hepatitis.  We’re SO gonna miss you guys when you OD, good thing you all manage to have like 3 kids you dont teach shit to before you kick the bucket, pass it forward...

O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.

William Shakespeare - Hamlet

“ For seven long years I’ve been in prison, for 7 long more I have to stay, just for knocking a man down in an alley, and taking his gold watch away.  Sitting alone, sad all alone, sitting in my cell, all alone, oh thinking of those good times gone by me, knowing that I once had a home “

The Big Storm / My Halloween Adventure

For those of you who don’t know, a big storm just hit new england, some people are going to be without power for up to 6 days here.  So the other day I woke up with no power, fully expecting to not have it back for awhile, so I did what any responsible adult would do...I bought a bag of mushrooms, went to the first bar with power i could find, and tripped my face off. 

I wont fully get into how weird the night was because mushrooms make everything weird, but the bar, we all bought mushrooms basically, so it was a bar full of people tripping, and in usual Caucasian style everyone started fighting and being fuckin weird, which made it weird for me, i also consumed twice as much as most of them and was maintaining well.

I remember at one point before the fighting, the tripping people were already tripping, and me being large and having such a high tolerance i wasnt yet.  so they kept tabs on me basically ( these are all people i know, that i drink with ) and at one point im finally tripping my face off, im starring at a chalk board of smudged erase marks, and its rippling like fabric, and the image i saw vaguely was an ape smiling at me, and i hear my name yelled, and i look up and the whole bar is starring at me, and i waved and said, hi, whats up.  and they you know asked how i was doing ( they knew it had finally hit me ) and i says you know, i was good til the whole bar was looking at me, thats weirding me out, etc.

So let me paint a picture, i leave the bar tripping, i had left my car window open the day before so it was damp, and the inside of the window was so wet i couldnt see.  I tried to wipe it with my jacket, which of course just smeared all the nicotine, and my car does this fun thing, when its wet the heat doesnt work and it squeels if you try, of course i dont want to be noticed so i cant use the heat.

So here i am, after eating oh, maybe a quarter of mushrooms when all is said and done, and im driving home blind, i mean if i was sober id have still been blind.  the roads look wider than they are, too wide, then too narrow, everytime a car passes me im blinded by light and have to just try and keep a straight line. 

I come home to an empty, dark house, maybe 50 degrees, no power, no heat.  so I light a bunch of candles, and play my guitar, and feel you know, strange.  I went to sleep at somepoint, and kept getting like a sort of, i heard a chatter of random things said to me, and blips of faces, of course on mushrooms when you shut your eyes often you get weird colorful geometric patterns which i was getting too, so im not sure if i actually slept or what, sleep was hard.

Thats my halloween story, no power, tripping my brains out.

I'm left in misery, the girl I love's gone across the sea I'm all alone, I ain't got no home

Mandy was her name, sleepin' was her game She didn't care about me oh God, baby can't you see

I'm a lonely boy, I'm a lonely boy....

Who says Germans arent poetic

Now that the new IT is out ( because no one can come up with any new ideas ) everyones all batshit about stephen king again.  We can walk up and slap the guy, hes cool but hes you know, not that big a deal to us, hes there, he writes books. 

Us New Englanders, we’re writers, and as you can tell we’re pretty cunnin in the looks department too, yessah.