Wasted-life-musings - Musings Of A Wasted Life

“ For seven long years I’ve been in prison, for 7 long more I have to stay, just for knocking a man down in an alley, and taking his gold watch away.  Sitting alone, sad all alone, sitting in my cell, all alone, oh thinking of those good times gone by me, knowing that I once had a home “

https://fredarctor.newgrounds.com/follow

I was once on newgrounds more than a decade ago and decided after just playing some games sleeplessly there I’d make an account, feel free to stalk me on different medias.

I'm left in misery, the girl I love's gone across the sea I'm all alone, I ain't got no home

Mandy was her name, sleepin' was her game She didn't care about me oh God, baby can't you see

I'm a lonely boy, I'm a lonely boy....

The Cemetery

My last post reminds me I never told you people that I worked in a cemetery as a teen, I remember the first body I buried i was maybe 13, 14 ( i worked under the table because i knew people there ) He was a suicide victim, 35 i think.  I stood at a distance during the funeral, picked up the plywood, took off the straps from lowering the coffin, etc. 

With modern machinery most is done with a backhoe, but you need to manually shovel the dirt between the vault and the ground, and etc.  so It’s raining out, and by the time i get there the hole is filled with water, i jump on the coffin and shovel dirt, i feel the coffin move beneath my feet, i float on this dead man and shovel dirt in cracks/ 

I remember after I went to the crematorium, which was a warehouse full of cardboard boxes, and drank coffee and what not, it being cold and rainy.  I remember shedding a single tear for the man I never met and moving on with my life.

After that it was childsplay, nothing in a box or in the ground was even human, but that one moment will stick with me forever, that and the smell of the crematorium, once you smell a burning human body I promise you you wont ever forget it. 

By 13 I had looked death in the face, and maybe it was traumatic by millennial standards but death has always been a part of life, and by 13 I knew someday id have some small funeral of people pretending to care and I’d be put in the boggy mud and forgotten forever more.  It has shaped my life in ways you’ll never understand sans the experience. 

There is no god, there is no redemption, there is here and now, and there is gone, and dont let any Babylonian babble sway you, when you’re standing on that floating coffin you know then and there, god is a lie and there is no redemption.  I think, in private, I cried for that strangers water laden corpse more than I did for any of my loved ones, I regret not remembering his name. 

Dream Journal

Last night I dreamt I had a jar of black flies ( you know, the ones that bite ) and my job was to keep adding flies, but only keep so many alive, while killing the rest. Id open the lid fast and mash my hand in and kill so many and scoop them out then add more live ones.  Apparently my subconscious brain likes to tie math to living shit or something.

I carved you a little pumpkin Tumblr.  Holidays, carving Pumpkins, Carving turkey, cutting the christmas ham, nothing says celebration like drunks with knives

Bob Pepper - A Scanner Darkly, 1977.