Latest Posts by wasted-life-musings - Page 6

The Big Storm / My Halloween Adventure

For those of you who don’t know, a big storm just hit new england, some people are going to be without power for up to 6 days here.  So the other day I woke up with no power, fully expecting to not have it back for awhile, so I did what any responsible adult would do...I bought a bag of mushrooms, went to the first bar with power i could find, and tripped my face off. 

I wont fully get into how weird the night was because mushrooms make everything weird, but the bar, we all bought mushrooms basically, so it was a bar full of people tripping, and in usual Caucasian style everyone started fighting and being fuckin weird, which made it weird for me, i also consumed twice as much as most of them and was maintaining well.

I remember at one point before the fighting, the tripping people were already tripping, and me being large and having such a high tolerance i wasnt yet.  so they kept tabs on me basically ( these are all people i know, that i drink with ) and at one point im finally tripping my face off, im starring at a chalk board of smudged erase marks, and its rippling like fabric, and the image i saw vaguely was an ape smiling at me, and i hear my name yelled, and i look up and the whole bar is starring at me, and i waved and said, hi, whats up.  and they you know asked how i was doing ( they knew it had finally hit me ) and i says you know, i was good til the whole bar was looking at me, thats weirding me out, etc.

So let me paint a picture, i leave the bar tripping, i had left my car window open the day before so it was damp, and the inside of the window was so wet i couldnt see.  I tried to wipe it with my jacket, which of course just smeared all the nicotine, and my car does this fun thing, when its wet the heat doesnt work and it squeels if you try, of course i dont want to be noticed so i cant use the heat.

So here i am, after eating oh, maybe a quarter of mushrooms when all is said and done, and im driving home blind, i mean if i was sober id have still been blind.  the roads look wider than they are, too wide, then too narrow, everytime a car passes me im blinded by light and have to just try and keep a straight line. 

I come home to an empty, dark house, maybe 50 degrees, no power, no heat.  so I light a bunch of candles, and play my guitar, and feel you know, strange.  I went to sleep at somepoint, and kept getting like a sort of, i heard a chatter of random things said to me, and blips of faces, of course on mushrooms when you shut your eyes often you get weird colorful geometric patterns which i was getting too, so im not sure if i actually slept or what, sleep was hard.

Thats my halloween story, no power, tripping my brains out.

current status: avoiding drunk friends on facebook who wanna talk about the good times, like they were really good.  I’m also fighting with someone about suicide and how we all need to give a fuck the sad assholes gone, so, facebooks pretty much out tonight

I notice lots of people hate on junkies, they’re easy to hate.  most people that hate on them though have never been in a situation anything like that, and their opinion is a witch hunt and bullshit.  I dont hate on junkies to be in some in club of junkie haters, i hate on them because i basically was one, and still have my own demons, but know god and 12 step bullshit is just that, its bullshit.

I hate on junkies because i grew up with them, i lived with them, I fucked them, I dont call them spoiled children with victim complexes because i read that somewhere, its based on first hand observations.  I say alot of offensive things, thats my charm, but this subject i dont feel bad about, you’re not some martyr, you’re not something special, I also hate the whole be like me thing, when people find jesus, everyone better also be into jesus, or else, so you go from being some junkie hooker to some fascist for jesus, oh yeah, you’re SUCH a better person now.

Man up, own it, take responsibility, and have some fucking willpower without being an annoying twat, if i quit smoking cigarettes tomorrow i wont demand the whole world does it with me, i wont stop loving the people i do because they smoke and now when they smoke i NEED to smoke, im not a weak fuckin person like that, and you shouldnt be either, we have the same biology.

All Alcoholics and Junkies talk about is how many days since they’ve done blank, and how great it is to not be on blank, and how last nights meeting about blank was inspirational.

But blank doesnt still control their lives, it’s  their every waking thought, but it doesn’t control them...

Infact, i grew up in a shit neighborhood, and something like 75% of the people i knew in childhood grew up to be junkies.  Glad I dont have these kinda problems...

*drinks til he passes out, wakes up, drinks*

Facebook is just filled with suicide awareness posts today, everytime i log in infact its some new obituary from some junkie i went to school with or whatever, the ones not od’ing are blowing their faces off...

Nows where I pretend to feel bad, pretend we were good buds, and pretend the worlds worse off without em, when infact, its the exact opposite in every way.  7 billion people, mostly useless, go ahead and blow ya face off, no one gives a fuck.

Watching Childs Play, Playing as a Child

Childs play ( you know, chucky, killer doll )came out in 1988, and im watching it and realize:

A.) Im nostalgic about my late 80s early 90s childhood

B.) My childhood sucked

C.) My adult life is so bad im nostalgic for my shitty childhood.

I have these stories that make me already sound like an actual old man, but when i was young i lived in a 2 room house heated with a kerosene heater and life was well, pretty gay, but lifes pretty gay now and i had to do less back then, teehee.

Dream Journals

I’ve decided to start writing dreams down, so I might as well take up space here with em, some will be old dreams I remember still, some will be new dreams, just dreams, the only time we’re honest with ourselves and therefore the most honest i can be with you ( not that my 3 day old tumblr has alot of readers yet )

October 15th or something:  Fell asleep drunk watching the walking dead, dreamed I was being attacked by cops, it was a good ol time for a while til i was overwhelmed.  They’re run up, id stab them in the heart, another would come, stab, etc, eventually there was too many to stab and i ran, pretty self explanatory really, dreams are half subconscious mind and half replaying what we’ve seen experienced that day.  Now if i had that dream on say a Bahama vacation, well, worry then

Jesus follow one meth barbie here and all they suggest is meth barbies, we get it, mommy didnt love you or daddy/uncle touched you when you were a kid, and now you smoke meth, and when you’re done smoking meth, you post pics of other people smoking meth, and thats just, as deep as your little pea brain goes.  How, stimulating.

Now that the new IT is out ( because no one can come up with any new ideas ) everyones all batshit about stephen king again.  We can walk up and slap the guy, hes cool but hes you know, not that big a deal to us, hes there, he writes books. 

Us New Englanders, we’re writers, and as you can tell we’re pretty cunnin in the looks department too, yessah.

Shamisen > Banjo.  Lady Gaga like you’ve never heard

Man created God in his image: intolerant, sexist, homophobic and violent.

George Weinberg (via question-everythinng)

Oh yeah, he does music too.

I’m thinking every so often I’ll post a book, just because I can, and tell you if I think you should read it or not, who WOULDN’T trust the opinions of a drunk stranger concerning classical and contemporary literature, obviously.

Treasure Island, this is a book I read as a kid, some of you may have read it as a kid or a teen.  Personally all i remembered was typical pirate story, nothing really special.  I reread this as an adult, and found it a much more interesting book.  Though written from the perspective of a young teen boy, it’s much better understood from an adult mindset.  the brief synopsis ( SPOILERS ):

Jim Hawkins is a 13 year old boy who works at his family business the Benbow Inn.  A rich seacaptain comes to town and takes residence there, where he gets drunk and generally terrorizes the patrons.  He pays Jim each week to keep lookout for any seafaring men that should happen to pass through, especially the seafaring man with one leg.

The captain as it turns out was the first mate for a crew that found a great treasure and buried it on, you guessed it treasure island.  One day one of his old crew comes in and gives him the black spot, the mark of death, and the captain chases him out with a cutlass, come in and has a heart attack.  The doctor sees him and tells him if he keeps drinking he’ll die.  the next day hes getting booze shakes and drinks and dies, shocking.

Jim and the rich doctor set up a crew and sail for treasure island.  Half the crew turns out to be the old captains crew and when they hit the island they all mutiny and fight and so on.  A giggle here, and a laugh there later and the pirates are all dead but long john silver the one legged seafarer, who weasled his way into a pardon at the bitter end.

ok, now onto why you should read this as an adult.  Well it depends on who you are I suppose, i happened to grow up in a bit of a well, a coastal town of drunken fishermen, just really like horribly accented new england drunks.  As such these sort of character i found sadly relateable and was surprised to find besides the manner in which they spoke, the conversations and things they did were the same as whats going on now 100s of years later.

Infact a I reread the book as an adult i realized the treasure, the pirates, the sword fights, really the books not about them in the least.  I mean if you like action there’s plenty, but its an interesting and very subtle narration on things like the nature of people, the futility of seeking riches, the advantage and disadvantages of fighting, and so on.  And instead of it being the sort of young adult reader book i remembered it as, it was very adult, had some of the most memorable fictional characters I can think of, and had quotes, within context, that were astonishingly good writing.  I also have a suspicion that this book is where like 60% of our conceptions of a pirate come from.

It’s a shortish book, if you like reading and havent read it since youth, try picking it up sometime, if you havent read it and think its a teen pirate novel, its not, give it a shot, its one of those books where you legitimately want to know what happens next.

Dear rednecks/Appalachians, though you may be Irish/Scottish in descent you will never play a banjo as well as an Irishman, just accept it.  You’re the superior Opossum hunters still for sure...

I soon came to understand that drink, tobacco and prostitutes were all great means if dissipating (even for a few moments) my dread for human beings. I came even to feel that if I had to sell every last possession to obtain these means of escape, it would be well worth it.

Osamu Dazai

Scientology: Really?! C’mon...

- Xenu kidnaps us

- dumps us in volcano, vacuums up our souls

- puts us in a false reality

- we escape into monkeys

- Tom Cruise

Are you, are you fuckin kidding me?  Hubbard lived on a boat with a bunch of little boys, wrote really terrible scifi novels, and got laughed right the fuck out of the scientific and medical community for a reason.

- pay money to learn the secrets ( we all now know )

- get to OT whatever the fuck for well over a million dollars

- get told the ultimate secret is that you were you all along but needed the other steps to shed away the not you to find the you, now go live your life ( no refunds )

No one can speak out now that you know, its 75% lawyers coincidentally.  Oops, Sue me Scientology, I don’t have any money, stalk me, I’m a lonely guy i could use the company, Harass my family, i dont have much anyways.  Of all the religions that are a lie, of all the cults that are goofy as all fuck, you guys really take the space cake, you even got Mormons goin like, what the fuck dude?!

Concerning Lilith, and of the Lillum:

I’m not religious, none of this is real, have fun.Ask alot of people and they don’t know who Lilith is ( though they will know this painting ).  The story goes, in the garden of Eden Adam and Lilith were created out of clay, and Lilith wouldn’t be subservient to Adam because they were made of the same thing and thus equal.  So god cast her out of the garden, and she became a demon.  God then created Eve of Adams rib, and since eve was made from Adam, she was thus indebted to him and subservient.  This is just one of many many bouts of sexism in the bible.We are children of Adam and Eve...or are we?  Wouldn’t it be a real kick to find out we’re actually the Lillum, of Lilith, and maybe Eves offspring were actually saved despite their parents nose and went to some other existence somewhere.  It’s easy to make the religious people go rabble rabble in atheist terms, but don’t tell them gods dead, or challenge their ideas from a standpoint that you believe in their ideas, it drives their little minds crazy.   Are we all demon children?  Have the Lillum been abandoned by their former god?  Has it been Lucifer, who has always pitied man been the one to keep us afloat in this chaos?  Don’t worry I’ll rant about Lucifer too later.  God says hes a spiteful vengeful god, perhaps you are dirt to him, hell even better maybe you made god kill himself to escape his last great mistake.

Concerning Lucifer part 1

Lucifer, latin for the morning star, venus, or simply light bringer, the enlightened one.  In pre Judaic times, Canaanite mythology, Lucifer, or Attar, as he’s referred as, attempted to claim the throne of Ba'al and, finding he was unable to do so, descended and ruled the underworld.  Our Judaeo-Christian version is about the same, in ours Lucifer thought God was treating humans as children and puppets and thought we could handle more, he also thought he could handle more and was being underutilized in heaven, and god and him had a war and you know the rest.

In the garden, he appears as a serpent, and tells Eve to eat from the “ tree of knowledge of good and evil “ which we all sort of assume is sex, and yeah, it is, but it has more undertones than that, anyways I digress.  He wanted humans, being godlike in the very nature of their creation, like lucifer, in gods image, thought they deserved to know more. 

If you actually read the bible, and take it literally ( it’s been proven atheists actually know the bible a large percentage more than devout christians, like the bible says, know thy enemy... ) then everything that makes humans, humans, is due to lucifers influence.  Our need to question, explore ( especially sexually ) our distaste for authority and our love of knowledge and of conquer.  Our innate need to scape the world in straight lines we can understand rather than letting the path wind as it may. 

All god did was make us, kick us out of his house, drowned us, turned us to salt, then said well you’re on your own now, and abandoned us.  In the book of Job God makes a bet with Satan, God being petty as he is says no no, people all love me, look at job, job praises me daily.  Satan says well thats just because you’re good to him, if you werent hed curse your name.  So god killed all of jobs livestock and crops, killed his wife and children and gave job painful blisters all over his body, and job still praises gods name.  God turns to satan and says ha ha poopyface, see, i win!  Poopyface.  and Satan presumably takes a sip of booze in silent horror and confusion and says yup, you win again, i guess...

Satan appeared to jesus when he was in the desert and said you know, ya dads gonna kill you, your friends betrayed you and i just wanted you to know, im not like, asking for your soul or anything.  And jesus was like fuck you satan my daddys the best, my daddies always right poopyface!  and satan shrugged and said like, the fuck is up with these people...can lead a horse to water I guess, then he presumably got drunk and had some kinky leatherclad fetish sex with someone. 

People are always hating on Satan, because they dont understand him, and nothing scares humans more than what they cant understand.

“ But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most, our one fellow and brother who most needed a friend yet had not a single one, the one sinner among us all who had the highest and clearest right to every Christian's daily and nightly prayers, for the plain and unassailable reason that his was the first and greatest need, he being among sinners the supremest? “ - Mark Twain

A Thought on Brain Neurology and Hallucinogenics

( Working Title: A drunk monkey tries to lazily teach other monkeys the essence of monkeyness through half explanation and zero sources sited )

We are our brains, we know this, but do we really grasp what that means?  We are lumps of fat, with, for easy example lumps of different fat in which not actual thoughts but memories reside.  We fire an electrical charge through pathways to said fat pockets, think of it like hallways to different doors.  How your mind actually works, it doesn’t tell you fire is hot, you see fire and subconsciously remember a time when you were burned and know fire is hot.

So firstly your brains working in a sort of weird unbenounced symbolism, but here’s the fun bit:

A.) the more the “hallways” are used the wider they get, electricity always seeks the path of least residence, thus if you are depressed, anxious, what have you that is partly why, those hallways are big, but most lead to one redirectory door, we’ll cover that...

B.) each time you visit a door, each time you remember, you dont remember the event, you actually remember REMEMBERING the event, so each time you open the door like a bad game of telephone the room is different, the couch is green now and not blue or whatever.

Now i wont get into the complexities of the brain and all the different areas, but for easy talk, we have a part of the brain that’s like our autopilot, our automatic train of thought, when you watch tv, ,when you take a bath, when you do anything not too hard, you’re half in auto pilot.  It used to be rumored, and is now confirmed by science that hallucinogens expand the mind, and they make you more creative, and why that is, is most these hallways lead to this autopilot door, which then directs you down familiar hallways.  Psilocybin Mushrooms in particular, shut down this autopilot section, and thus you have to discover, lets call them round about hallways

These hallways which cut out that autopilot central hall directory, electricity will attempt to find the door its searching for for whatever experience its looking to relearn from at that moment, however it will often find a closer door, an unlocked door, which will open and be a recollection of a different memory that teaches the same thing, fire hot, whatever.  The brain has a way of compensating like that in more ways than one. 

Mushrooms are now being used fairly regularly in western medicine to cure depression, because unlike contemporary anti depressants, which depress the parts of the brain that create the depression, or stimulate the parts that will help, etc, they dont control the regulation of the squeaky door so to say, they find a whole new door, time and time again, your brain all doors.  Xanax will inhibit the anxiety bit of your brain, but you’ll always need xanax, youll never be cured, and really lets be honest western medicine doesn’t want you cured, you wont buy the xanax then.

If you love knowledge, if you love your brain, do mushrooms, drop acid, just like all the anti pot propaganda, its all lies and science proves its all lies time and time again.  Don’t do heroin, don’t smoke meth, but definitely trip.  Thank you for your kind attention, and i hope we can taste colors together sometime soon.

Swedish children discuss the concept of god in a way that makes most adults look like morons.  Just for fun, here’s a list of the most atheist countries in the world:

1 - China

2 - Japan

3 - Czech Republic

4 - France

5 - Australia

6 - Iceland

I carved you a little pumpkin Tumblr.  Holidays, carving Pumpkins, Carving turkey, cutting the christmas ham, nothing says celebration like drunks with knives

How do I know that I am not?

She lay down beside me, towards dawn she pronounced for the first time the word “death.” She too seemed to be weary beyond endurance of the task of being a human being; and when I reflected on my dread of the world and its bothersomeness, on money, the movement, women, my studies, it seemed impossible that I could go on living. I consented easily to her proposal.

Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

The Whole History of the World

A 12 step program:

1 - Earth is formed from dust and shit

2 - Water forms, weird little fish frog things come out

3 - Monkeys evolve from said fish frogs in southern africa

4 - Monkeys leave africa, come up with religion

5 - Lots and lots of people die over religions

6 - we start farming animals, get a slew of diseases

7 - we wipe eachother out with diseases

8 - we invent penicillin and shit

9 - we go back to killing eachother over cartoon characters in the sky

10 - History repeats itself

11 - We all get fat, and destroy the atmosphere, we die and take everything with us

12 - The sun dies, no one is around to notice we were ever there

The End

Aldous Huxley’s death note.