Still To This Day Thinking About Neil, Who Had To Be Forgettable To Survive, And Andrew, With A Photographic

number symbolism in aftg

kevin's bday being 22 + 22 ravens when evermore was shut down + 22 of neil's names and cities

andreil jersey numbers adding up to 13. baltimore happened on 10/3.

renees jersey number being 9 - stephanie being renee's 9th foster home

jeans jersey being 29 for kevin (2) and renee (9) and jeremy (2+9=11)

riko's perfect court fell after number 4 (四 ie, 死 (death))

neil's 10 is the mirror image of riko's 01

i feel like we don't talk abt this part of the ec enough bc CAN WE JUST. TALK ABOUT HOW ANDREW EQUATES HIS AND NEIL'S RELATIONSHIP WITH WYMACK AND ABBY'S. LIKE. CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT. BECAUSE I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY DAY. EVERY. DAY.

NEW ANDRIEL COMIC PAGE! ✨

I just read a incredible fanfic this days that makes me feel so cozy and warm omg I almost wished to die (jk haha) hope u enjoy

🦊🐱

I wanted to draw them older, since I imagine that only after a few years together would Andrew let Neil touch him like that. But I ended up drawing them in the Palmetto uniform because I wanted you to recognize them even without seeing their faces. hope u like it even It’s just a Wip tho🙌

(The Raven King, ch.14)

This one line lives in my head rent-free. Neil may be antagonistic, but he never hated Aaron. He wanted him to be happy from the beginning.

There is poetry in Nathaniel finding belonging with the change of his name. Natalie finding salvation by the God that damned Nicky.

There is poetry in Andrew and Aaron finding a family in Nicky when he was cast away from his.

There is poetry in Allison relishing in the money that was meant to be hers but never got in the end, poetry in Andrew hating the money he was never meant for.

There is Poetry in Aaron having a mother that wronged him, and Matt being righted by his.

There is poetry in the way Dan had to fight to keep afloat, where it was Allison fighting that got her cut off in the end

There is poetry in Nicky finding love and himself abroad, where Nathaniel ran from all that he was

There is poetry in Matt with a loving mother who showed him how to live, and Neil who was kept alive by his own.

There is poetry in the foxes

As someone who is also touch averse a lot I just can’t stop thinking about Andrew. Like a popular head cannon is that he reads a lot.. and like couples are always cuddling or casually touching in books and shows, and I’m just thinking about him seeing that and seeing Neil and just, having such intense bursts of wanting to do that. But then when thinking about actually doing it it’s immediate revulsion… anyways just projecting once again onto my favs… but I think of Andrew a lot

Hello Friend I have so many thoughts and I'm actively vibrating with the opportunity to talk about this hold on

I'm like,,, both. I am touch averse AND touch starved for a Encyclopedia of reasons. Details aren't important but the result is “I wanna be held but I'm doubly scared of being hurt and also of being rejected therefore I shall stand here and stare at you really really hard and hope somewhere within you is a desire to hold me and no desire to harm or leave and maybe this time my body won't revolt maybe this time or this time or this time or”

And look, despite my crippling desire to be Objective in my literary analysis of Andrew and Neil and Jean and all my other beloved Foxes and Floozies I KNOW good and well that I project on them anyway so like,,,

I imagine Andrew as having those Bursts of Wanting just like you described, but he's often able to dismiss them.

With Nicky he doesn't concern himself with boundaries enough to be safe that way. Nicky has to be reminded of boundaries at knife point sometimes while Neil has to be told only once (and that's if he didn't already infer them himself).

With Aaron there's too much barbed wire between them to be safe that way. Aaron has been so hurt by Andrew that some resentment might poke out even when he does try to reach out, while Neil holds zero resentment towards Andrew even for things Andrew actually did to him! Neil mastered the art of Letting That Shit Go For The Sake Of Moving Forward while on the run with Mary - doing it with Andrew is a cake walk.

Kevin is so self absorbed and Exy centric that even the ways he wishes to express his love and care for others is filtered through the lens of what HE thinks is Right and Good and Safe and that's not safe enough for someone who wants to be considered in their own right without any qualifiers, while Neil will look at Andrew and even his own opinions on the matter get reduced to secondary considerations in the face of What Andrew Said. He might still express his opinion but he values Andrew's comfort and safety often more than his own opinions.

It's easy to shut down the Wanting when it arises because of others since the Cons are obvious and plentiful.

I'm betting that's part of the reason the Burst Of Wanting is so much MORE when directed at Neil because,,, the cons are, what? That Neil might die? That's everyone sweetheart, the fragility of humanity is the ever present Sword of Damocles hanging over everyone's endeavor for intimacy and connection, join the club in our inexorable march onwards ever onwards.

But the other shit, those other cons… Neil took care of those already. Neil honors Andrew's boundaries. Neil would hurt himself to keep from hurting Andrew. Neil actively tries to see things from Andrew's perspective instead of coloring everything with his own Bias Crayons. I'm not saying Neil is Perfect In Every Way, but on all perceivable accounts, Neil is safe. Safe to Want. Safe to Reach For. Safe to Touch.

Safe to Be Touched By.

How fucking scary is that?

Andrew looks at Neil, feels that Burst of Want followed by that stomach pitted drop of Fear like standing on a rooftop edge and fucking,,, what is he meant to do with that??? What is he supposed to do about Neil’s siren song of Safety??? Give in to it??? Body says No. Brain says No. Heart says Yes but we don't listen to that bitch, they don't get a vote.

But then the Brain starts getting convinced. And then the Body starts getting convinced. And then the Heart started revolting against their cage. And Andrew is sitting there like… are you so fucking for real right now?

And then Neil asks “Yes or no?” And then Neil accepts “Nothing” at face value. And then Neil accepts “I hate you” like it was a gift. Like Andrew is a gift.

What is a man to do then?

Of course we can't stop thinking about Andrew.

Projecting onto your favs again? Me too Bestie. Me too.

Andrew and Neil are two freakishly observant people. And yet they lose themselves in each other.

Andrew and Neil don’t believe in the concept of love. And yet they devote the rest of their lives to one another.

Andrew and Neil are not generally giving people. And yet they give unfiltered pieces of themselves to each other.

Andrew and Neil are not trusting people. And yet trust is woven so deep into the fabric of their relationship it’s almost indistinct.

Andrew and Neil are not well-adjusted people. And yet they fought for and built the kind of well-adjusted relationship many people can only wish to have.

Andrew and Neil shouldn’t work in a romantic relationship, let alone with each other. And yet they go together like lightning and thunder goes together—just a fact of the universe.

Wait so you’re telling me Seth was the fourth of seven siblings and had an older brother named Jeremy who was the second oldest child. And Jeremy has—3 siblings (why did Cat hesitate before saying the number??) and one of them is an older brother. Something happened at the fall banquet during his freshman year.

I know it’s a stretch—but what if Jeremy is Seth’s older brother? We know Seth died, which would reduce the seven children to six, and leave Jeremy with 5 siblings. So maybe something happened in Jeremy’s freshman year that resulted in the death of two of his siblings? That could certainly tear a family apart. And what if Jeremy’s family blames him for it? What if it actually was his fault? What if it was his fault in the sense that something he did contributed but in a way that it makes no sense to actually lay the blame on him?

If he is Seth’s brother, that indicates he raised his siblings from the age of 12. There bio dad disappeared at some point. Also why did their mom disappear so often, forcing him to take on that responsibility? And further, how did he get from Arizona and raising his siblings to living in Cali with a family of politicians? Did his mom get married? Did she leave so often bc she was having an affair w some guy? And then they got married and moved the family or something?

A step-dad situation could also explain his dislike for being referred to by his last name, esp is that step dad sucks somehow.

I have so many questions man. The desire to know Jeremy’s history is killing me slowly.

This is a theory that may or may not be baseless and I might not be making any sense here. But do you see my vision? Do you see it?

I’m going crazy.