Wait So You’re Telling Me Seth Was The Fourth Of Seven Siblings And Had An Older Brother Named Jeremy

Every day. Every damn day I wake up and wonder how Wymack must have felt hearing Jean say, “Kevin never once doubted you’d take him in … I laughed at him. I’d never taken him for a dreamer.”

I wonder how he let that sink in, thought over and over again of his first interactions with the kid and rewriting his perceptions with the context that not only did Kevin know that was his dad, but that Kevin trusted him. Unquestionably, before Wymack even did anything, Kevin ran to him because he believed that Wymack was someone safe he could run to. I wonder if Wymack thought about “my father comes to all my games, that is enough” knowing that Kevin truly meant it, maybe always has.

I wonder how Wymack felt then, when later, much much later, that broken boy who laughed at his son for believing in a father he never met calls him out of the blue. When, before Wymack could even get a single word in, begs him, voice wet and desperate why did you take him in?

I wonder how Wymack felt after the phone call ends. Hearing Josten, arguably his most distrustful kid, telling him “I’ve got him coach” and then hanging up the phone, and wondering if Rhemmen has enough strength to watch Jean eventually get to a place similar to where Neil’s at now. To finally learn, slowly but surely, how to trust. I wonder if that made him appreciate Kevin’s trust all the more.

just… I wonder

For the few years that Andrew and Neil are on different pro teams Andrews team knows next to nothing about him. Now since he got off his meds and significantly mellowed out after graduating, its not that his team mates don’t like him, they just don’t know who he is outside of being an amazing player. When his teammates release their lack of Andrew Minyard info the “who the fuck is our goalie” coalition is created. They share all the information they have on Andrew in order to paint the picture of who the hell this man is.

One day one teammate comes across Andrew after practice reading a book in the players lounge. As they step closer to desifer the cover Andrew glances up at them with a questioning look. When they ask what the book is Andrew gives a surprised raise of his eyebrow and gives a shockingkly well put together synopses of the plot. After the player goes home that night they look up the book only to discover that the fantasy adventure novel that was described to them was not only an extremely sappy romance, it was also the last part of a queer YA series.

Andrew is spotted soon after at a local coffee shop drinking some sort of whip cream topped chocolate concoction with reading material much different than before. He sips his drink and peruses some large fancy looking book. With only a quick google search they realize that its some complex scientific book about Homo sapiens through history?

A few weeks later another of Andrews teammates walk in on a pacing Andrew with his phone clutched to his ear. He’s talking in an intense whisper, not angry but concerned, about some sort of cat sitter falling through. After Andrew spots them he hisses out a quick goodbye into the phone and hangs it up. When they ask what the call was about, Andrew contemplates for a second then explained that he’s visiting family and the cat sitter he had sceduled wasn’t going to be able to come after all. When the teammate volunteers to do the job Andrew only sighs but accepts their offer. After a weekend of cat sitting and semi snooping around Andrews apartment the brave cat sitter reports back to the team with all their suspicions confirmed.

Andrews pro teammates have concluded this: Andrew Minyard is not the violent and cruel man the media and his past can make him out to be. Andrew is actually a cat loving book nerd with a spotless apartment decorated in soft cream and earth tones. He is sarcastically funny and incredibly smart. And maybe, just maybe, Andrews pro team are some of the first people to see him for who he truly is under his sandpaper exterior.

i want the twins to be friends. i want them to be able to sit next to each other in comfortable silence in the dining hall. i want aaron to go grocery shopping and andrew to tag along. i want them to play games together where andrew keeps winning. i want andrew to quiz aaron. i want them to joke around. i want them to pull identical twin pranks. i want aaron to look after the cats when neil and andrew are not home for a while. i want them to feel like family, not just a legal obligation.

Andreil doesn't humanise each other. Yes they do pull parts of themselves that others might consider admirable closer to the surface, but to call it humanising someone sounds like you're not considering someone as a person capable of good. Andrew was capable of good regardless of Neil and same goes for Neil. It was just a matter of circumstances.

Neil would've also hated it if this was being said about Andrew who is called 'a monster' by others, rather than just a person/human.

They're not each others answer and they wanted each other just the way they were. Truthful, earnest and themselves, which means that yes they are assholes.

we're probably going to have to see how Lucas mourns btw

we're gonna have to read about him finding out and likely reaching out to jeremy

how he might be angry with jean because of his grief, even though he knows how horrible grayson was and is

we're going to have to watch him lose his brother for a third time, grieve his brother for a third time.

Today I had a dream about Andrew Minyard's inner monologue about his abuse and at the end he said: "maybe she wouldn't have sunken her claws so deep into me if I hadn't been so eager to rebel"

And then I woke up and cried.

when I read aftg the first time I thought the best scenes were "thank you, you were amazing" "it's always yes with you" "i am nothing and as you've always said you want nothing"

but now I can see that the best scene is clearly when Neil asks Andrew how he can stand their relationship after everything he went through and then he tries touching his arm and Andrew says "no" and Neil stops and "that's why"

destructive

I fucking- I can't find it right now, but whichever one of you motherfuckers said Andrew's 'lack of control' was actually just intentionally calculated releases of pressure, that he was always in control when he lashed out because he lashed out in very specific and measured degrees - every single 'too far' was always 'just enough', its just no one else saw the raging volcanic inferno brewing just beneath the floorboards cus they were too distracted by how ear piercing the sound of the tea kettle going off was-

You're so sexy and I love you, but I wanna respond to you in spirit cus I can't find your post babes

We love 'biblically accurate' and 'devil's sacrament' as religious phrases yea? Well, my favorite (aside from 'heated fellowship', a black christian euphemism for fucking nasty) happens to be to 'know' or more specifically to 'know biblically', another word/phrase for fucking someone nasty.

stay with me this is going somewhere i promise pack a bag if you must

The interpretation I was raised with was that sexual intimacy was so vulnerable and exposing of one's most inner authenticity (that which apparently only God had such access to) that sex could make someone Know and See you the way Christ did (yadda yadda, "only fuck other Christians cus they'll be saved and sanctified enough to honor that blessing", yadda yadda) ANYWAY

THE POINT IS

You ever have someone in your life who just,,, saw you? Like, they could take one look at you and just Intuit Through The Vibes that something was up? Like they could just feel your energy and knew what to do or say or whatever? The kind of person who could walk into a room where you're minding your own business, doing something mundane, and they take one cursory scan of your posture and immediately ask "What's wrong?" like,,, what??? why do you ask??? what do you mean 'you can tell', I'm not fucking doing anything???

The kind of being seen for who you are that just leaves you feeling kinda exposed and tender? The kind of thing that leaves you bereft and yearning if you've never experienced it before (or had but lost it) because it feels like everyone only likes different mirages of you?

Andrew and Neil are so Relationship Of All Time because they seemed to See and Know each other like that even before they started locking lips on rooftops.

When Neil said "I want to see you lose control", i'm imagining Andrew probably felt so naked and flayed because everyone assumed he was perpetually losing his grip. On his anger, on his sanity, on reality, on his control. But like,,, Op's Spirit Of Post Long Lost, you were so fucking right. Every bit of Andrew's behavior was carefully calculated and intentionally released packages of what was his True Inner Turbulence that he would never dare release out into the open because that's not a target he's willing to give anyone a chance at aiming for.

Out of control? Andrew hasn't been that since he was probably a tween.

But Neil had never been fooled. From cigarettes and airport pickups to cigarettes and rooftop altercations, not once had he fallen for the mirage.

Without ever having needed to touch him in that way, Neil Knew Andrew. Biblically.

And that's why Andrew simply had to engage him in heated fellowship.

misplaced forever partners will always be the most painful part of neil and jean's dynamic to me. like What do you mean they were always going to be together, be matched with each other, in every way that mattered, in every universe except the one where jean survived.

i feel like we don't talk abt this part of the ec enough bc CAN WE JUST. TALK ABOUT HOW ANDREW EQUATES HIS AND NEIL'S RELATIONSHIP WITH WYMACK AND ABBY'S. LIKE. CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT. BECAUSE I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY DAY. EVERY. DAY.