I Fucking- I Can't Find It Right Now, But Whichever One Of You Motherfuckers Said Andrew's 'lack Of Control'

bee tapping the table so andrew would stop hurting himself 😭 bee not being able to contain her joy when she finds out about andrew and neil 😭 bee getting all the milk and chocolate cuz she knows that andrew has a sweet tooth 😭 bee knowing andrew so well and caring so much about him she doesn't fear him, to the point he said they spent so much time together she became reckless with her questions 😭 bee hoping wymack would take care of her "most precious charge" 😭 bee being so, so proud of andrew for what he overcame 😭 bee not sending wymack away bc she doesn't want to make andrew feel unsafe 😭 bee being such a gentle being every one knows how much andrew appreciates her even if they don't understand it😭 bee watching a musical with andrew and wymack to distract andrew from what happened 😭 bee messaging andrew after the session™ saying she was happy for him 😭 bee and andrew texting each other regularly 😭 just mama bee

Just occurred to me that during the Revelation Scene, Neil says "you like me" instead of "you're attracted to me" and I'm wondering if it's because in his lil demisexual brain, the only way he could reasonably articulate his understanding of the situation wasn't "you wanna fuck me" but instead "you enjoy my existence" because "blowjob" held very little value or interest to him but "positive regard" absolutely did and I just-

Ill never forgive the aftg fandom for saying aftg is poorly written but loveable. it is so fucking well written. The characters are all interesting individually and as group dynamics. The plot is unexpected but always makes sense. Theres so many incredible 1 liners said. Theres humour. Theres heartfelt love. Theres angst. You can cry and you can laugh and you can get invested. Nora made characters with actual fucking personalities instead of just catalysts for neil's story. She did this so well she was able to take 2 minor characters and give them an entire sequel.

I've been thinking about this theory about Riko orchestrating Jean's sexual abuse as punishment for his attraction to Kevin, because Riko is not in the habit of sharing his possessions. And while at first glance it would seem that Riko does this because it's Kevin... looking deeper I get the feeling that his attitude extends to the rest of the Perfect Court too.

Consider Andrew.

Riko sets first Drake and then Proust on Andrew, and the implication is that Andrew cannot get away with "taking Riko's things." This obviously refers to Kevin, but I don't think it refers to Kevin alone. It's significant that Riko brings it up with Neil and Neil only, and it happens during this specific conversation.

Riko uses Andrew to taunt and intimidate Neil, immediately after Neil implies that Riko is not the only thing saving him from his father. We come to understand several things in the course of this conversation:

That Riko considers Andrew to be responsible for Neil's continued refusal to return to his place among the Ravens.

That he believes threatening Andrew's safety will be enough to convince Neil to come to Evermore.

Which means that Riko obviously has an inkling of what Andrew and Neil mean to each other (even if Neil does not yet). He weaponizes this knowledge against both of them, and while Neil ends up going to Evermore, it does not mean that Riko lets Andrew get away.

That's because he never intended to. When Riko refers to Andrew as the miniature one with the disgusting attitude who thinks he can take my things, his "things" refer not merely to Kevin but, to a heavy extent, also to Neil, and he punishes Andrew for his closeness to Neil the same way he punished Jean's closeness to Kevin.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, quite simply put, it's all because of the as-yet unexplained January incident that Jean brings up in The Sunshine Court.

We know that following Neil's departure from the Nest, Zane betrayed Jean by setting Grayson on him. What we don't know is what Riko did to Zane and Grayson afterwards, or why.

Jean brings it up several times, but only refers to it obliquely, and doesn't give us any details:

I don't think Riko cares about what happened to Jean, of course not. But it makes too much sense to me that he decided what Zane and Grayson did was an insult to him, Riko, because how dare they touch his property when he hasn't permitted it? How dare they take his things? How dare Grayson pretend he has some sort of claim to Jean?

I'm throwing this theory out because I have nothing to lose: whatever Riko did to Zane and Grayson was in retaliation to what they did to Jean, but not because Riko cares. He did so only because Jean was another one of Riko's things, and those who take his things away must be reminded of their place.

So, yes, I think all of this is an extension of the fact that Riko has an unhealthy obsession with the people he considers to be his pets or his property. Transgressions against his claim over them deserve to be punished for the insult.

Even if those transgressions are committed by the Perfect Court itself. Riko plays the part of the jealously possessive master, the one they should all devote themselves to, the only one with authority over them. No one else can have them — which means they cannot have each other either.

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Okay but here's the thing tho. Yall keep pointing out how Andrew let go last. And like, yeah that shit makes you wanna gnaw on ceramic but

Aaron grabbed first. Aaron made sure to catch Andrew and start the hug. Fucking fight me I'm ready to commit acts of sacrilege or some shit

Aaron was faster. And Aaron grabbed first.

As someone who is also touch averse a lot I just can’t stop thinking about Andrew. Like a popular head cannon is that he reads a lot.. and like couples are always cuddling or casually touching in books and shows, and I’m just thinking about him seeing that and seeing Neil and just, having such intense bursts of wanting to do that. But then when thinking about actually doing it it’s immediate revulsion… anyways just projecting once again onto my favs… but I think of Andrew a lot

Hello Friend I have so many thoughts and I'm actively vibrating with the opportunity to talk about this hold on

I'm like,,, both. I am touch averse AND touch starved for a Encyclopedia of reasons. Details aren't important but the result is “I wanna be held but I'm doubly scared of being hurt and also of being rejected therefore I shall stand here and stare at you really really hard and hope somewhere within you is a desire to hold me and no desire to harm or leave and maybe this time my body won't revolt maybe this time or this time or this time or”

And look, despite my crippling desire to be Objective in my literary analysis of Andrew and Neil and Jean and all my other beloved Foxes and Floozies I KNOW good and well that I project on them anyway so like,,,

I imagine Andrew as having those Bursts of Wanting just like you described, but he's often able to dismiss them.

With Nicky he doesn't concern himself with boundaries enough to be safe that way. Nicky has to be reminded of boundaries at knife point sometimes while Neil has to be told only once (and that's if he didn't already infer them himself).

With Aaron there's too much barbed wire between them to be safe that way. Aaron has been so hurt by Andrew that some resentment might poke out even when he does try to reach out, while Neil holds zero resentment towards Andrew even for things Andrew actually did to him! Neil mastered the art of Letting That Shit Go For The Sake Of Moving Forward while on the run with Mary - doing it with Andrew is a cake walk.

Kevin is so self absorbed and Exy centric that even the ways he wishes to express his love and care for others is filtered through the lens of what HE thinks is Right and Good and Safe and that's not safe enough for someone who wants to be considered in their own right without any qualifiers, while Neil will look at Andrew and even his own opinions on the matter get reduced to secondary considerations in the face of What Andrew Said. He might still express his opinion but he values Andrew's comfort and safety often more than his own opinions.

It's easy to shut down the Wanting when it arises because of others since the Cons are obvious and plentiful.

I'm betting that's part of the reason the Burst Of Wanting is so much MORE when directed at Neil because,,, the cons are, what? That Neil might die? That's everyone sweetheart, the fragility of humanity is the ever present Sword of Damocles hanging over everyone's endeavor for intimacy and connection, join the club in our inexorable march onwards ever onwards.

But the other shit, those other cons… Neil took care of those already. Neil honors Andrew's boundaries. Neil would hurt himself to keep from hurting Andrew. Neil actively tries to see things from Andrew's perspective instead of coloring everything with his own Bias Crayons. I'm not saying Neil is Perfect In Every Way, but on all perceivable accounts, Neil is safe. Safe to Want. Safe to Reach For. Safe to Touch.

Safe to Be Touched By.

How fucking scary is that?

Andrew looks at Neil, feels that Burst of Want followed by that stomach pitted drop of Fear like standing on a rooftop edge and fucking,,, what is he meant to do with that??? What is he supposed to do about Neil’s siren song of Safety??? Give in to it??? Body says No. Brain says No. Heart says Yes but we don't listen to that bitch, they don't get a vote.

But then the Brain starts getting convinced. And then the Body starts getting convinced. And then the Heart started revolting against their cage. And Andrew is sitting there like… are you so fucking for real right now?

And then Neil asks “Yes or no?” And then Neil accepts “Nothing” at face value. And then Neil accepts “I hate you” like it was a gift. Like Andrew is a gift.

What is a man to do then?

Of course we can't stop thinking about Andrew.

Projecting onto your favs again? Me too Bestie. Me too.

Every day. Every damn day I wake up and wonder how Wymack must have felt hearing Jean say, “Kevin never once doubted you’d take him in … I laughed at him. I’d never taken him for a dreamer.”

I wonder how he let that sink in, thought over and over again of his first interactions with the kid and rewriting his perceptions with the context that not only did Kevin know that was his dad, but that Kevin trusted him. Unquestionably, before Wymack even did anything, Kevin ran to him because he believed that Wymack was someone safe he could run to. I wonder if Wymack thought about “my father comes to all my games, that is enough” knowing that Kevin truly meant it, maybe always has.

I wonder how Wymack felt then, when later, much much later, that broken boy who laughed at his son for believing in a father he never met calls him out of the blue. When, before Wymack could even get a single word in, begs him, voice wet and desperate why did you take him in?

I wonder how Wymack felt after the phone call ends. Hearing Josten, arguably his most distrustful kid, telling him “I’ve got him coach” and then hanging up the phone, and wondering if Rhemmen has enough strength to watch Jean eventually get to a place similar to where Neil’s at now. To finally learn, slowly but surely, how to trust. I wonder if that made him appreciate Kevin’s trust all the more.

just… I wonder

Imagine Andrew hears from Wymack and Abby that Bee is having a bad day. He's graduated so she's not his therapist anymore but they keep in contact. He suddenly posts up on campus with gourmet hot cocoa, breaks into her office when he knows she has a break, says not a single word, throws himself across the couch-

but Bee is already smiling (it's so small, she really was having a bad day) and so, as far as he's concerned, Mission Accomplished