Abjuration: Protection from physics. You are no longer affected by gravity, inertia, temperature, etc.
Conjuration: Summon literally every demon (10ft radius)
Divination: Detect whether you are actually a fictional construct taking part in a semi-improvised game narrative or not.
Enchantment: Mind control people so effectively that they were already doing the thing you wanted them to do before you mind controlled them. Some might say this is just you taking credit for people doing things they were gonna do anyway, but what do martials know?
Evocation: BLOW UP THE FUCKING SUN.
Illusion: Send yourself into a fully realistic dream world so you never need to bother with existence again. Good luck with the lich army fuckers!
Necromancy: Animate dead but on all the world's fossil fuels.
Transmutation: Transform the entire multiverse into a no-magic high-tech humans-only world where the real world only exists as a reasonably popular tabletop RPG line.
Universal: Maximum counterspell. Cast on a wizard they forget everything after the day they started wizard school, cast on a cleric or warlock it kills their patron, cast on a druid it causes a global mass extinction and cast on a sorcerer to make all their blood fall out.
May all your favorite movies get absolutely horrible sequels
"Suicidal Cosmic Temper Tantrum" God, I love that name so much.
Ya Ever See That Trope Where:
The big bad guy's plan to destroy the world turns out to be unfeasible but he's still gonna, like, blow up a city? Like his plan was to blow up a city and that would somehow blow up the world but that's somewhat not gonna happen. Now the protags still have to rush to save the city because the bbg is still gonna through with it. Possibly with a withdrawal of resources now that the world isn't at risk.
Been thinking of this ever since your "Save The World" Tropetalk. Especially how the audience will often go "Well, there is no way they'll go through with it" when the world is at stake.
It's a common final stage of bossfights! Our heroes enact a complex multistage collaborative plan to foil the villains' overarching scheme, but after that succeeds they still need to escape the exploding base or have one final fight on a crumbling catwalk or some similarly dramatic final encounter with their personal survival at stake. It can actually be narratively higher-stakes than the Saving The World part, because once our heroes have ensured the world is saved, the narrative doesn't need them to survive to the end, so it's technically possible for them to go out in a phyrric victory.
The crumbling of their machinations can lead to a Villainous Breakdown. When the villain's defeat leads to the base exploding as the final threat, that's a Load-Bearing Boss. When the villain actively chooses to initiate one last dangerous confrontation even though their overarching plans were foiled, that's Taking You With Me. A villain who wanted to rule the world but will now settle for destroying it might initiate a Suicidal Cosmic Temper Tantrum.
I want you to remember:
The fascists hate you too and they just will pretend otherwise until after they've killed the rest of us, before they turn on you.
how i picture penelope every time in The Challenge
What if you were leaving someplace after getting in an argument with some guy and while you were leaving he shouted "I fucking hate you and I hope it takes you forever to get home and I hope your car breaks down and when you finally get home I hope there's a bunch of guys there eating your food and trying to fuck your wife" and then it all happened exactly like that
How do professors feel when they make an exam that is too long?
I just came out of one and NOT A SINGLE PERSON finished it in time. Like, he said, "Five minutes left," and I'm just sitting there thinking, "THE FUCK YOU MEAN FIVE MINUTES? I HAVE THREE PAGES LEFT." Followed by me looking around and realizing that everyone else is still here, also stressed out.
“We’re so divided as a nation, we’re so divided as a world, but the one thing that brings us together always is love and smiles and comedy and an outside family that makes you feel a part of it.”
— Andy Greene (The Office: The Untold Story of The Greatest Sitcoms of the 2000s)
How are my sweetie pees