Monday | 04/21 | 3:11 P.m.

anyone have a cap of hawkeye eating a sandwich or know an episode where he does. I'm trying to make a post

"Sad Cat Poem" by Spencer Madsen

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Okay so in order to save myself from depression

I made a 10 day bucket list so I wont doom scroll and trigger another huge dissociative episode <3

Here it is:

(There are some stuff you may find a bit controversial)

-Decorate your apartment

-Declutter 20 items

-Finish doing an art collage

-Study everyday for 10 days

-Go on a walk with a podcast alone

-Try water fasting for a day

-Read min of 300 pages of a book

-Try drumming for min 30 minute (do it at least for 3 days )

-Decorate and declutter your balcony

-Go shopping for your apartment

-Go shop for your boyfriend (advent calendar edition)

-Call your family every day

-Spend an entire day alone

-Package the gifts you bought for your bf

-Write positive affirmations about yourself

-Journal every single day

-Start manifesting small things again

-Reach out to old friends every other day

-Talk to chat gpt therapist every day (controversial one but in my defense I am close to getting back to my deep depressive state and I have zero money for regular therapy)

-Do something creative every day

-Clean for 30 minutes every day

I am open to some new ideas too <3

We re doing this DIY 3d printed advent calendar with my boyfriend and it is super exciting and its almost finished so maybe we will paint that too.

Also because I basically live with my bf I realized that I almost never stay alone for a whole day with myself so I want to challange myself on that: I want to be more independent and accomplish a full day of being alone but we will see that might not be the best option for my mental health.

Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now?

The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances.

Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW.

Tiny OSHA Me: BOSS, THE FASCISM.

HITS YOU WITH A KERDLY ATTACK

csp only lets you have 25 frames so this is like. 8 fps or something ludicrous like that.

not easy to try to put character into a walk cycle lawl especially when I don't wanna do more than one single rough pass soo this is best viewed squinting

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

can you make a video of you taking flowey and putting him in a Tupperware container and then shaking vigorously

Don't worry I gotchu... I know the feeling when you just want to shake a stupid flower in a box...

I am. Doing it. 2 hours and 52 mins in.

Next goal: DO NOT GET UP UNTIL YOU FINISH ALL THE PRACTICE QUESTIONS.

3 hours and 52 mins in, didnt get to finish all of them but i have 5(?) pages and the mistakes i have to go back to left.

*deep breath* I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAM DO IT I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IY I CAN DO IT *exhale*