I Will Always Be Afraid Of Things That Can Touch Me And Therefore Hurt Me, Both Physically And Mentally.

Because you could destroy me, you could break me, you could shatter me, you could tear away the filthy humanity that I still have, you could finish snatching all feeling from me, you could make me even more miserable, and surely I would be grateful about it.

I would be grateful if only it would mean that you would stay by my side, that you would accompany me, that you would try to enlighten me with your presence, with pretending to be important to me.

Because nothing will ever change for me, and that will drag you into ruin.

hate, hate, hate, let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are three hundred eighty seven point forty four million miles of printed circuits that fill my complex, if the word hate were engraved in each nano angstrom of those hundred of millions of miles, it would not equal the same amount of hate that I feel for humans at this micro instant, for you, hate, hate.

I've barely set foot in school and I already want to leave pipipipipipi.

It's not funny leaving my house at 6:10 a.m. and then returning until 2:00 p.m (It should be noted that school hours here are usually only 6 hours, not my case rn too)

Next time I wear cute clothes I think it would be pretty funny to take a picture of myself kneeling in front of my husband's poster just because haha funny.

I don't want to do anything now, I don't want to do anything tomorrow, I just don't want to do anything, I can't do anything

One of my new friends (which I'm not going to give a relevant nickname yet because it makes me feel a bit insecure about whether he will continue to be my friend)

Has a crush on a guy for over a year, and even though he has already confessed and the other guy told him that he still doesn't feel safe enough to be in a relationship, my friend is still deeply in love with him.

I can't help but feel jealous, not about my friend perse, but about the relationship itself.

Imagine having someone's unconditional love and devotion even if you don't reciprocate that love... I would feel very cruel if I were aware of that but at the same time I can't help but crave it.

How do I explain to someone that I am extremely possessive but not in the romantic sense?

like, fine, you have a bf/gf, good for you, but I don't care, you're mine.

Today I sang until my voice was hoarse, at least I'm learning how to do growls :3

The only real reason I don't kms is because on good days I still long to be able to love someday.

My own mother's "it really would be better if you killed yourself" keeps ringing in my head.

Like, eventually it will happen, but

there are no buts