I’ve still been hanging out on the wild side. But I really am about to get a hold of things. I’ve decided I needed to take my life step by step. I realize that what I am doing isn’t exactly right but I’m figuring things out for myself. In my opinion I haven’t had the opportunity to do that. My dad has been blaming himself for the way I’ve been acting. That hurts. I am a human being, and “adult”. I am now responsibile for myself. My parents have been amazing to me. And I can only pray to be like them when I grow up. I need them to understand that. Perhaps there are somethings some people just can’t understand. I feel like I do well in seeing their side of things and understanding why they feel that way, but I still agree to disagree.
So far the plan is to start saving mad money and after my birthday. For a while I will stay in the little appartment in granma’s house. I’ll pay rent too and I’m going to start paying for my phone. One thing I have to accomplish between now and then I’ve got figure out a way for my parents to let me use my car still. If they don’t I won’t be able to move out. They’re starting to ease up on the idea of it, which is good. As far as the rules until then, I’m going to have to keep spending time with them to slowly make them understand my side. My dad did admit last night that he completely realizes how wrong he is in the way he’s been acting. Saying he was going to beat my best friends ass because he happened to be around when I got caught messed up. He was there hanging out with my brother and when my dad came down stairs he was literally pulling anthony out of the bed telling him that they needed to go. What’s strange is two days after the incident my dad said that Rowdy was being somewhat of a good guy trying to leave. Then by the end of the week he freaked out. He says I am not allowed to hang out with him, he’s not allowed to be in my car, and he doesn’t want me speaking to him. Seriously? He knows nothing about him. All he knows is he has some fun on occasion. He said everything else is based on intuition. I understand that but he still deserves a chance. I am determined to get him that chance. Dad knows he doesn’t have a car or a job. Well, his car broke down, therefore he lost his job. Don’t get me wrong, I know his reputation is not the best but now that I’m on the inside I understand more. That doesn’t make it right but I just get it. I would rather have “bad” friends that treat me like a real friend than “good” people who only pretend to be my friend. Amen.
Last week I had a bit of a break down on my way home from school. It’s really changed me. I suddenly realized getting used really was getting to me. Somewhat subconsciencely I suppose. I cried more than I’d like to admit then came to the realization that if what I’ve been doing isn’t working out like I want it, try something new. Of course. I am happy to say I have successfully said no three times to those risky little invites. And I have just not responded twice. That’s good I think.
Lately. He started liking her and that got him to back off me a bit. It’s not like I hated him I just didn’t want to date him. And as for him, I’ve heard he said he liked me, ha. He just acts so idk, half and half. I have noticed changes but not enough for me to believe in him. Friends for now.
Wow, I didn’t mention Brandon once in all that.