Traffic is so unpredictable. I left at the same time I have been and I got here fourty minutes early.
I stay up late on school nights because I know regardless I won’t get enough sleep so why try when either way I’ll be extra tired.
He confused me last night. I think he saw my hip because everything was going smoothly then all of a sudden he seemed kind of awkward and I saw him look I just don’t know if he actually saw it or not. Either way, in is in. After that there’s no backing out unless you wan me to be crazy and apparently he did. We ended things like I should’ve started them. After that I laid close to his chest, listening to his heart beat pretending to sleep because I could tell he was exhausted. I loved his smell. It’s created a memory in me you know? It seems to be a weird smell to love. I want to know who I am to him but asking him might scare him away.
I was talking to a friend, telling her I’ll be home around noon unless I have a lunch date with my friend. She said, “oh is that how you get all these dates? Get a boyfriend and theyre all ready for action?" I said "yes, exactly .Except your boyfriend has to always want you naked, and he isn’t ashamed to say you owe him that. He has to expect you to stay christian while at the same time, expecting what I mentioned above. His family needs to dislike you to some extent. And you have to be extremely misunderstood. See, it’s easy babe." That’s sad, but mostly true. It’s a hard knock life. I wonder though, if all boys are the same it’s just I haven’t been with any other one long enough for them to show their true colors. I’m ten kinds of in love with him, so none of that matters for now.
Everyday, I think about what they did. And I still can’t wrap my head around how in the hell she let herself do that to me when she claimed to love me so very much. I know I was a bitch but that was when she started treating me like a child. That was when her, him, and me would all hang out together. That was when I saw it coming but hoped to God I was wrong. I tell her everytime we fight about it that the only way I will ever get over it is to get her out of my life. She says that would kill her. Yeah, just like she almost killed me. She asks why I’ve changed. I tell her because the me that she met a year ago died when the heart break started. She believes that I can change back. I know I’ll never be the same. Ever.
To those who have stabbed me in the back in someway or another, go to hell. You took the only part of me people liked and burnt it at the stake.