AGRHGHRHA - Blog Posts

“ dislocate my shoulder, put the jug in the new fresh muscle divot, and march into that house like a war hero decorated in Tide, Pepperidge Farm, and Newman’s Own “ I’M F**KING CRYING LOL

modern!Sebastian as Gayle from Chris Fleming’s GAYLE skits

Sebastian: So I got home from Whole Foods, and as you well know, I always make it in the house with my groceries in one trip. No exceptions. Well looking around at today’s load, I knew it was gonna be a little rough. For one, I was covered head to toe in car grease—

Agni: Why?

Sebastian: Well back at Whole Foods, I saw Claude Faustus with sixteen items in a twelve item express lane. I’m not gonna deal with that shit. So I go out to his Toyota Corolla and cut his brake lines. What would you have done?

Wolfram and Agni:

Sebastian: Anyway, looking at all that grease, I knew balancing the milk jug in my elbow, as per usual, wasn’t gonna happen today.

Wolfram: Well why didn’t you just take two trips?

Sebastian: The coward’s way out? I’d rather take a bullet. So, I realize I can do one of two things. One: throw that milk jug through my glass window, like I did last week, or two: dislocate my shoulder, put the jug in the new fresh muscle divot, and march into that house like a war hero decorated in Tide, Pepperidge Farm, and Newman’s Own