Akusai - Blog Posts

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 31: Free Day

»You know, Isa. I think I really love you. Like really really.« »You're an idiot.« »Haha. No really, I mean it. I love you, Isa.« »I love you too, Lea. … really really.«

I wanted to upload this for AkuSaiDay, but the odds where against me. It seems it just shouldn't be. xD

No really. *sigh*

I was thinking a lot about what I would do for that day. You know yesterday/today is a special day for me as well, because it's my third anniversary as a fan of AkuSai :) (it was the night from the 7th to the 8th of August, yep I remember it exactly. And yes, the date is a coincidence. xD) I was thinking of making a special for that day, showing you my embarrassing first sketches and a few other drawings and while I was searching my old drawings I stumbled across a sketch that showed them both lying in bed somehow like that. I found it nice and well, that's the story how I came to this motif.

I hope you all had a great AkuSaiDay! :)

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 17: Prison

Strange, I just felt like - Nah, probably just my imagination.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 16: Jealousy

I don't even have the time to waste it like that. So go on playing with your little puppies if you so wish.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 15: Tears

This was the motif I wanted to do for Day 10: Repentance, but then that comic came in between me and my plans so I decided to keep it for this day. I came up with this at 4:30 in the morning, in this strange state between dreaming and waking. I'm the most creative in these moments, but it's always kind of hard to explain things afterwards ö_ö" It makes sense in an emotional way. xD

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 14: Lies

"Are you kidding? You know as well as I do that searching through every room there is impossible." Do you really think me so blind?

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 13: Broken

All I want is to hold you. Nothing more – and nothing less. I know that when I do, I can pretend it to be us. Not just empty shells. I can pretend things to be fine, even if it is just for a moment. I can almost pretend to feel, because – I do somehow. I do remember how warm it felt to touch you, to be with you. That’s enough for me. But all you ever do, is telling me that I can’t. Telling me that it’s not true. That you can’t feel me, even when I am near to you, that it feels like a lie at best. That you don’t want me to touch you, because it makes you realize how false all of this is. How false we are. We don’t have hearts. We can’t feel. Then why does it hurt that much?

This was actually the first fill I drew for Akusaimonth. Yep, that’s the day I entered. I decided afterwards that I will do them in the right order and let that sketch be. Which was a good thing too, because it actually looked terrible. xDDD Phew, good to see that I got better at drawing those two in the last two weeks.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 12: Promise

If I were to fall, would you save me?

This is supposed to be shortly after they joint the Organization. I guess Saix could feel that something was wrong and he was going to lose himself even back then.

Well, noone came for him, when he finally did.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 11: Textures

Ah, what a mean topic for someone who's working in traditional media. I tried to figure something out for this one for days and what I came up with was actually very obvious: A collage with different textured paper.

This was a very interesting experience as well, never before had I realized how much emotions and memories I connected to different sorts of paper. So, there was a logical reason why I'd use which paper (for example a silky one for Saix' hair and a rough for Axel's) as well as an emotional (the band that connects them for example is made out of an really old paper that's terrible to draw on and even worse to cut, but for me it stands for some of my happiest childhood memories and a deep and genuine friendship, so it sort of fits.)

This pictue is an ACEO card. I don't know if you know about them, they are very popular in the german language area, but I've never heard of them from anywhere else. ö_ö ACEO cards (or KaKAO cards, as they are called in german) are cards in the size of 6,4 x 8,9 cm, which are made to trade or sell them. This one here is actually two cards, but I couldn't get myself to cut them apart so it will stay one Maxi KaKAO. xD

And well, I would like to give it away. After all that's the meaning of such a card anyway and I find the thought to send it to some AkuSai Fan anywhere in the world actually very exciting. So, if anyone would like to have it please tell me in an ask! :)

edit: It found a new home :D Yay!

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 10: Repentance

Thank you, Lea.

Read from left to right.

I highly doubt that gaining a heart again will be a pleasant experience for Isa. Lea, be a darling and HELP HIM.

By the way, I am convinced that Lea will return Isa's heart, I mean really why else would you give this character a keyblade? He doesn't even count as one of the seven lights.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 9: Flustered I guess, not everything is lost just yet. I actually spent all my free time of the last two days on this @_@“ (so much for my resolution to do small and simple drawings.) Urgh, I’m sorry for my handwriting. Page 1: Saix: Axel. Axel: … Axel: What? Spit it out already. Saix: Will you … eat some sea salt ice cream with me? Axel: … (processing, please wait.) Saix: Nevermind. Just forget it. Page 2: Axel: Oi, wait! You can’t just walk away like that! That’s not fair! Saix: … Saix: Then tell me. Will you? Axel: … Axel: Not as long you’re acting like that, that much’s for sure. So, no more running, okay? Saix: You mean … Axel: Of course I will! After all we’re still friends, right? Page 3: Saix: … right. Axel: Wait, was that a SMILE just now?! Saix: Oh, shut up. I guess Saix was trying to ask this question for days, if not weeks and that’s what happened, when he finally managed. Axel, who had actually almost given up on his friend was obviously rather surprised by it. (who wouldn’t?) He probably expected him to order him around or to say something mean about his (new) friends and well, when that question came he just decided to give Saix another chance. Because maybe, just maybe, their friendship was not completely lost after all.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 8: Banter

"Man, I wish I had funny friends", Lea sighed while he leaned on Isa's shoulder. Isa leveled a glare at him and his voice took on a very dry tone: "Well, you're already enough of a clown for both of us. Thrice." Yet when Lea started to grin and said that he was proooobably right about that, Isa couldn't help smiling. "You're an absolute idiot." It wasn't what he had wanted to say, but he knew Lea would understand it anyway. He always did.

Background Meme

I was tagged by kittendough. I actually don’t like memes that much, but I figured this one was quite ironically, seeing how my life seems to revolve around AkuSai at the moment. xD

The picture was made by oOKira97Oo from Deviantart and it’s called "The Meeting". What a pretty and sad picture! ; _ ;

I don’t tag, but if anyone feels like it, please do it. The only rule is not to change the background no matter how embarrassing it might be.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 7: Fluffy /2

This is actually kind of old, I made this pic for AxelSaix Day in 2012, but I figured this'd be a good opportunity to upload it here. It's by far not perfect, but I still like it :) (I mean, look at Saix' face! He seems so happy ... x´D whyyyyy)

I know this is already on tumblr and I think that's sort of sad, because I never gave my permission for it. But whatever, I can't change it, I guess.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 7: Fluffy

Good morning, love.

Aww, look what I just found! :D

I had totally forgotten about that sketch! But now, that I found it again, I remember drawing it. I was quite down back then, mainly because of all the stress from school (it was my final year and I had to do a really really big project, which kept me busy basically every free minute for the whole year). I started writing a list of all the things I would have wanted to do, but couldn't. (Drawing AkuSai was on it, yes.) Well, one day I just couldn't see that project or anything related to it anymore so I took a few minutes and did this fast sketch. And you know, it felt ... peaceful. Like a promise that all of this would end soon. It helped me a lot back then.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 6: Sun & Moon

Every day is followed by night, and every night is followed by yet another day. So we are inseparable, connected for all eternity.

Only one picture today (and quite late as well x'D), because this one is bigger then the others (I'm not used to draw on DIN A4 anymore @_@) and more accurate (because I plan on finishing this one, like you know, with actual lines and color; but knowing myself this will take days if not weeks, so, well, still a sketch. I will finish a few of the other sketches as well (until now day 2 and 4 are planned), guess I will reupload them when I'm done :D)

This prompt actually came in quite handy, because I had to draw a "reference" for my The Moon cosplay anyway. (I thinks it's quite stupid to draw a reference picture after doing the cosplay, but the website I'm uploading my cosplays to is quite strict about refs so ... whatever.)

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 5: Flames

It feels like those flames are devouring me.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 4: Sparkle

Those days with you were the happiest of my life.

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 3: Black & White

I fail at drawing lying people. I do. And Axel looks a bit like Zack Fair. And Saix looks like he's going to beat someone up öAö uuuh whatever

Akusaimonth: Berserk Mode Day 2: Expressions

It's not as though I'd really need a heart. All I want is to see your smile one more time.

You have changed.

Reeeeeaaaaally late entry into AkuSaiMonth. I didn’t realize there was such a thing until, well yesterday. Yep. And then my internet gave up. I guess it was just as shocked as I was.

How on earth am I supposed to catch up?!

So, Entry Day: OTP Quote.


I wanted to take something else, anything else, but you know, actually that’s it. This one sentence describes it just so perfectly. That's basically why I ship those two.

So I actually would have made a .gif out of a HD scene yesterday but for some reason I can't upload it. Well, so I did a sketch instead. With the only pens I had at that moment, a biro and a neon pink text marker. I actually like the effect though. x'D

I am planning on doing this whole thing. Every day I missed on Berserk Mode, wish me good luck.

"What is that?" "That is a cat. His name's Lea, got it memorized?" "You call a cat after yourself?" "Yup, didn't want you to be all alone, while I'm on vacation with my parents." "That - that's the stupiest thing I've ever-" "U-hu, take good care of him. See you in three weeks!" "Lea, wait! LEA!!"

And that's the story how Isa's got a cat. :D

Imagine, he always acts as though the cat was getting on his nerves and he doesn't like cats anyway, but he has no other choice than to look after it, for Lea. Still he won't call it "Lea", that's for sure! He'd give it some original, creative name like ... "Luna"! xDD So, he'd never admit, that he actually likes the cat, but when noone's around he'd play with it and pet it and spend every free minute with his new little kitten and sometimes he would call it by it's real name, but he'd always wisper when he does so, just to make sure nobody hears it, even though he's absolutely alone at home. And the cat loves him of course and always cuddles up to him – and then bites him, because cats do that sometimes. xD