Alterhuman - Blog Posts

Love when my friends passively refer to me as a dog but still respect me. Like yeah, this is our friend. They bite and bark n shit. They're cool.

Also, a picture of me, drawn by one of my friends 😌

I always found shifting in school to be the worst. I always felt too awkward and wrong and out of place. I couldn't focus on my math when all I wanted to do was run. I couldn't sit through my biology class without practically chewing through my pencil. I was always a nervous kid, and then on top of that I had to walk around and pretend like I couldn't feel my claws and fangs.

It got even worse as it got colder. I felt so vulnerable tucked into a classroom, like I never had enough to shield me away from the world. I'd never go to school without a jacket, and it still only helped so much. Sometimes, I'd wear fingerless gloves or bring little trinkets I could roll around in my hand. They helped.

Being an adult can suck, but I was a teenage werewolf (shapeshifter, but for the sake of the pun), and that shits rough.

Felt very creature this weekend for the first time in a while. Like full-on, I need to roll around in the grass and guard the yard from possible threats. I wore my tail out in public for the first time in a while, too. It was nice :]

You know, if winter grieves me, fall and spring look at me with love and welcoming because they too understand the fact that we all change. No matter how different I am or how conflicted I feel, I'm still me, and that's all that matters.

So I have this bit, right? It's been a while since I've done it, but if I bring it up with my friends, they can still easily understand or remember the joke.

It's called the Dan Rules. It's often comedically egotistical and vain and was made because out of our little group, it was a joke that I am (as an act) an eccetric (maybe enigmatic if I'm feeling fancy) person who does whatever the hell I want.

If people thought to question my behavior, it was often quickly followed with a "that's just Dan" from my friends and easily dismissed. Sure, some of my boldness was probably left over from my middle school years, where I felt I had to lean into my weirdness completely so people would see me more as a joke than a freak.

But then I found myself in a safe, accepting environment, one where the need to bite and snarl and run away never came. I waited a while for it to arrive for me to feel the need to play the part of the fool for my newfound companions entertainment. It shocked me when I was left with genuine love and compassion. I leaned out of self-deprecating humor and completely into the (very obviously joking and fake) role of an egotistical short and angry ruler. For fucks sake we still have the name of the group chat as "Dantopia". I still did the bit to entertain my friends, to keep them laughing at my antics. But this time, it was accompanied by my own laughter. I enjoyed a new sense of freedom it brought.

The Dan Rules came out of when we were messing around, and I'd lean into this foolish king role, and I would proclaim something insane or childish. A popular one was, "Dan is never wrong." Often followed by a warranted scoff.

But the second rule is a good one, I think, one that really shone through as a reminder that I am not now who I was before.

"I do what I want."

I hadn't had much freedom before I met my current group of friends. I was quiet and kept quiet at times. I felt muzzled and chained, and as if I was a dog because someone forced a collar around my throat and pulled me on a leash.

It wasn't only that I didn't have the choice of self-expression, though. I'd also seen what happened to people who gave too much into reckless. I grew up with the weight of their actions carried on my shoulders, and while I have always been bold in my identity and beliefs, I was quiet and still when presented the opportunities to escape from situations where people kicked me down for who I was. I feared what would happen if I left my old group. Ironically, this fear led me to be isolated.

I found myself almost completely alone in the pandemic, and my only saving grace was a new school with new people. New people who didn't tell me to shut up or that I was ugly or that I needed to stop acting like an animal or they'd treat me like one. Instead, I met friends who handled me gently and taught me it was okay to hug just as it's okay to bark, and they welcomed me. I felt at home. I felt as if I knew myself completely.

So, with the second rule, which I still follow to this day, I added a private note.

"I do what I want. Because I can trust myself to."

Know thyself

I can trust myself to bark or scowl or growl just as much as I can to love and kiss and hug. I can stay aware of what is and isn't good and how much or how little I can trust someone. I can be bold and loving all at once and welcome others with open arms and flashing fangs.

I am in complete control over myself, and even when I am doing something so I can see my friends laugh, I am also doing it because I can, and I do what I want.

My house. My fucking home GOD

Fallout 4 Scenery | Far Harbor

I'm trying to draw how my dog form looks. The face of the second drawing feels more fitting. I'm not a physical alterhuman, but this is how I can see myself looking, or how I feel like I should look (when I feel more dog at least)

It would be so silly if I made a big lore dump post about Para Sanar (Minecraft hearthome) and all the gods and characters and builds and and and-

I can feel my brain rattling around in my skull, please, for fucks sake

The pipeline of wolves and dogs being my favorite animals as a kid into realizing I actually just am them. I bought this werewolf costume because I think they're cool... No other reason 👀

My favorite animals are actually stingrays and mantarays :3

Pictures of a recent world my Minecraft group and I have been playing on :3

The main objective is that we want to explore the trial chambers, but as a little underlining story, all three of us are a party of young adventurers who, while searching for the trials, came across a large mysterious tower. It was crumbling in its old age, and we decided it would be the perfect place to set up shop. We each built our own towers branching off of the main one at different levels.

I like to make little side quests for myself, and one I like to regularly do is collect all the discs! So far I have 8. I'm also collecting all of the dog types and different armor trims.

Born to walk around in the woods, and have someone shriek in horror, exclaiming, "Good GOD, what is that thing!?"

Then, to have a group of kids make up stories about that weird dog thing that stares at you from the edge of the woods.

Forced to just be socially awkward and pay taxes.

Since it's national dog day I'll be expecting 5 dollars or a pat on the head from everyone. Only business, I got tuition to pay.

Do your tics affect phantom limbs (if applicable)? /gen q. I get tics when I'm adapting to a new schedule (I do not have tourettes), and if my shoulders or back gets them, my wings also get them.

Hmmm I haven't ever thought to connect them before but looking back? Kinda? A majority of my tics are motor tics and sometimes when I do a full body shudder it feels like I'm shaking out my fur. Or sometimes when I move my head a lot while experiencing a phantom shift I can feel my ears move.

My tail or ears might twitch but I never thought of it as my tics more as just my body reacting to my environment. Could be a blend of both though!

I will say my vocal tics ARE affected when I'm shifted. I get all chittery and twitch a lot more. I usually try to suppress a lot of my vocal tics, so I think it's nice that when I'm shifted, I feel comfortable enough to just let my voice do whatever. Some of it is my own voluntary vocals, and some of it is just my tics doing what they do.

This dog is not made for the heat.

It's 95°F (35°C) and it feels like 102°F (38.9°C)

Endless dry heat! Has me panting and shit, horrible.

Imagine a dog trying to go to school, and all it can do as it runs around campus is try not to melt into a little puddle.

Sometimes, I think a little too hard about when I asked for someone's name at a local renfaire I worked at, and they asked me teasingly if I was a fae, and for a long second, I didn't know what to say back.

I identify as a shape-shifter from how I see myself and how I interact with others. I switch between forms like crazy and can never really picture an actual concrete image of myself in my head.

A lot of this I own up to my own issues with derealization, but also a lot of my personal identity I feel stems from just how I interact with the world. It's always felt like people saw me as something different than them, and that caused this rift between me and my humanity. I can see it, I can feel it in how I want to fight for the things I believe in and in my own personal beliefs about spirituality, but it's funny. My humanity has always been a part of my more spiritual thoughts and practices then my alterhumanity which has always been just me.

I was raised in a setting where dedicating myself to the experience of honoring myself as an individual while still connecting to those around me and recognizing us as one in the same was made my religion. My humanity is present within me as a warm ideal of my hopes and dreams for this world. It still isn't my body, though, which instead became how I feel and how I show my emotion through alterhumanity.

It's like I got flipped inside out.

Anyways, to cut a long story short, I don't know what I am, renfaire lady, but some kind of creature that is fascinated by humanity and likes to be mischievous sounds like it could be a part of it. I'll think about it more next spring.

New mask! Raccoon >:]

It's meee! It looks a little patchy in some of the darker parts, so I may fix that and add fur as well, but I think it turned out pretty cool. The eyes are also a little off putting so I might change em >:

I hope my mutuals (and most others honestly) know that when I follow them back, it's basically me saying I think their shoes are cool and that we could sit together at lunch or smth... 👀

You are so free to dm me I will actually be so happy. I will probably be really freaking awkward but also yall are chill I'm just a nervous wreck.

This may be a little controversial but: Bark! Bark!

And something you're really not gonna want to hear: woof woof

Sometimes I look at my partner and remember she's actually this ancient ethereal being made up of stars and magic and I can see her horn and her hooves. She's so beautiful I'm rendered speechless.

Then other times I look at them and see this stinky cat. They're still beautiful ofc just being stinky.

I love my girlfriend. She follows no rules and does what she wants.

"Its just a game meh meh meh"

W r o n g

It's actually the one reliable piece of media I have had for my entire life. It's actually the place where I made the most memories with my family and friends. It's actually the easiest way I've found to make genuine connections with people.

It's actually the feeling of immersing myself into a place that I know for a fact is safe. Actually? It's where I've made entire stories and worlds. It's actually my home and where I feel I can be unapologetically myself without the risk of someone putting me down for being authentic.

Yeah, it's just pixels and blocks, and sometimes the community can suck. But at its core? It's a game about creation and coming together to make the most out of a blank world. Beyond that, its just a world that you dont even have to make anything in to just enjoy it. It is its own little universe that I can return to at any point, and it will always be welcoming.

Be like me

Load up fallout 4

Play until I look around and my room is completely dark

Realize I have not eaten today (don't do this part)

Go into kitchen, find a hunk of smoked brisket in the fridge. Cut off a chunk and go to town on it. No sauce. Nothing. Just meat.

Heavily push down the urge to growl at the dogs because it's my food.

Also find a container of chopped up cucumber. Eat a handful of it.

Feel satisfied.

Go back to fallout.

Inside me there are two wolves.

Only one of them is actually wolf, and it's watching, exasperated, as the other wolf (a puppy) jumps around asking for a treat.

I need to go to the aquarium and walk around to look at all the cool fish and have my ears perk up and my tail wag. I need to put my big nose and paws on the glass and whine excitedly. I GOTTA BARK AT THOSE FISH.

A little late but here's a dumb meme I made for the fourth I thought yall would enjoy

I'm pretty sure I wanna make my next mask a raccoon. I'm trying to make one for all my theriotypes, so I'll need to do raccoon, wolf, and coyote still. Wolf and coyote have similar shapes, though, and I wanna make something a little different than my usual... idk we'll see :D

I love being a silly little guy on the internet. In real life, I am constantly plagued with deep, all-seeing, and despairing eyes. On Tumblr, I'm just a weird dog. That's beautiful, I think.

!ALERT! ALERT!

HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE CANINE SPECIMEN (me) HAS BREACHED CONTAINMENT TO NEARBY WOODLANDS (has gone camping)

BE ON HIGH ALERT FOR THE CREATURE (pls bring me and my gf more mallows for smores :3)

A list of my nonhuman/regression gear but it slowly turns less and less stereotypical:

1. My masks and tails. I love making masks and currently have 2 that I kept for myself. I also have a crow one I bought. I have 3 tails; wolf, coyote, and raccoon. Most I got from a renfaire I work at sometimes but I got the raccoon one from my partner because she's the best :3

2. Collars. Nuff said. Very dog. Very good.

3. Paw gloves and fingerless gloves :p

4. Chewtoys. I like biting stuff.

5. Stuffies. Specifically my raccoon and frog ones. All my stingray ones, too.

6. Small paw print blanket. Very soft. Good thing to just hold. Also my big knitted blanket. Good texture

7. My journal. Nice leather journal, my brother got me that I just fill with random thoughts and recipes. Helps me feel more creaturey.

8. Trinket shelf. I love trinkets and cool rocks. I also got a lot of bones.

9. Sticks. I have sticks everywhere from walks.

10. Paper crown and flower crown. Feels creaturey.

11. Compass necklace. There's a lot of misc. jewelry I consider gear but this one stands out.

12. My converse. All my converse. They feel like paws. I will only ever wear converse or my docs. My main 3 shoes are my glow in the dark bug converse, black converse with doodles all on em, and my brown converse specifically decorated with therian stuff.

13. My jacket and shirts. My green jacket is hgh. Me. It's me. I love that jacket. My color is green and it makes me feel like I'm me again. Its very soft too. Also, a shirt my girlfriend made me that has cut off sleeves and a bleached ribcage design that's really cool. Also have two sweaters that are very crittery and my Gorillaz shirt with their first album cover on it.

14. Anything minecraft related. I have a lot of minecraft stuff. One because I really like to play the game but also cuz it's home and I miss it.

Anyways, gear can be whatever. Have fun. (Also please talk to me about your gear that other people wouldn't really consider gear I love hearing about it.)

RAAAAAH

I ORDERED MYSELF SOME EARS AND IM SO EXCITED LOOK HOW COOL THEY LOOK

I need them in my hands NOWWWWW

Mom: Just be yourself :]

Me: You try being a radioactive dog shoved into a human body and see if it gets you anywhere >: