Anxious - Blog Posts

It’s something about hockey at calms me down during an anxiety attack. Maybe it’s the fast paced game that keeps you from looking away and focusing on that rather than your anxiety. I don’t know what it is but I’m forever grateful because it’s hard to find that escape when your so deep in your own head.

Current Mood: Scared. Guilty. Nervous.

As you all know school for the most of us is either over or just finishing up which means report cards. (Yay.) Just to keep it brief, this school year has been the best for me, despite it’s ups and downs, mostly ups for me.

Now, as you guys can imagine I’m scared half to death, even, about the report cards coming out, I’ve never been homeschooled before, so it was all new to me as to many others. But that’s not the reason on why I’m scared, the reason on why I’m scared is because of missing work. Now with missing work it’s pain to get it done and then graded and updated, if your teachers use a site to do it on, which mine do. Now, I turned in all of my things before this happened, a couple of math tests, science I can’t do because the thing I use it for (flipgrid) barely worked for me half of the time, (that I expect to get a bad grade on along with Math, because maths a bitch.) and I was sick those days, it was just to make up some tests. Again, for me the virus was only in China and just seemed something like the flu as the way the news was protaling it back then and the way I saw it as well.

I stayed after school for those ‘make -up’ days, the teacher was in there and knew that I was doing the work and all, keep that in mind, anyways, I finished the math work up, placed it on his desk and left. Now, I didn’t expect him to grade it right away he has his class, my class, and another class, his class being the biggest out of the two, so whatever, right? He’ll just go into his computer and tick it off, right? Right? Now, don’t get me wrong I get that people are busy and all and I of course just pushed it off we were also getting ready for MAPS testing and stage forward testing along with getting placed in classes for high school, so you can imagine all the chaos going around, so I didn’t talk to him and I just assumed that he had them all ticket off. Again, fast forward this time being after or around spring break, I can’t remember, but we were all quartined and I then took this opportunity to see the missing work I had and you probably guessed it, the missing work from math, still missing. Did I say anything about it? Nope, cause I assumed that the site was just bugging out, (it often did that) so I just shrugged it off.

-Now to the present, I’m pretty great in school, I mostly managed to pull A’s, B’s and C’s and sometimes a D- in the process of things, mostly math. Now the thing I’m worried about is my parents. Like any parents they take this stuff seriously and with my falling out from last year, bad grades as you can guess, first time in forever, I wanted to try really hard this year and just looking at my grades now knowing that it’s gonna be the same, I’m just scared. The worse I can probably get off is a grounding and a lecture, along with summer school, which is whatever they’re just trying to help and I’m grateful for that but I know a lot of kids aren’t fournatue to have that which I think is just stupid, the abuse they get and all news flash not helping, technology isn’t always to blame, Karen and I could write and whole essay on how I think that all situation and situations are just stupid like yeah sure they failed but if you try to help or just lean in and act like you know what you’re doing, they’ll appreciate it, trust me it can go a long way for some, same goes with teachers and school staff, but listen like I said, I’m over all scared and just mad at myself and extremely guilty for letting my parents down, like I said I’ll try my best to get caught up but I doubt it’ll change.

i don't even know how to start this but uhhhh hi!! i'm not really new on tumblr but this is the first account i create intending to meet people and make friends so i'm not really sure about how to do like. anything at all

But i guess i should start by introducing myself a little bit ;)

➵ You can call me either Sylvie or Syl. I'm more used to people calling me Syl but both are fine.

➵ I go by any pronouns, she/he/they, you can use any of them

➵ English is not my first language, but Spanish! I'm from Spain but i'm trying my best

➵ I'm 17

➵ My account is a safe space for LGBTA+ people (i'm queer myself!!)

➵ I try to use tone indicators (/j /s /srs /p...) whenever i feel they're needed. However, if you need me to use them more often just tell me

➵ I'm a reaaaally anxious person. And i always have a hard time socialising or even talking to my friends. I feel like that's important info ahahah but i really wanna make friends just be patient with me please

That's pretty much everything i think. Soooo here are some of my main interests to complete the post!

🌻 C A T S. i am. so. totally. completely. overwhelmingly. IN LOVE with cats

🌻 Girl band/idol games, Bandori and D4DJ are my favs atm

🌻 Webtoons, currently reading Boyfriends, True beauty and Omniscient reader's viewpoint

🌻 Otome games, i'm really into The Arcana and Fictif

🌻 Cartoon series, i haven't watched many but i love The Owl House, i'm about to start Amphibia and i'd like to watch Steven Universe and Adventure Time soon!!

And that would be it, please let me know if you want us to be mutuals!! i'd very much appreciate any comments or likes <3

byeeeee!!

Time for me to get personal, these past two months are some of the worst months in my four years of high-school. Hell not even that, all of my four years were shitty. Freshman year was trashy, I dont remember anything from Sophmore year (thx c0víd), Junior year was just... no, and now my Senior year is already off to a bad start. And on top of that, my urge to meet new ppl is hanuting me again. Like I definitely show signs of social anxiety (although I don't wanna self diagnose myself) and for my entire life, meeting new people is a struggle. And no not the "I hAtE tALkiNG tO lArGe CrOwDs" or "I HaTe pEoPLe" shit. I actually mean I physically cannot talk to people, whether it's a large or small group. Fuck I can't talk to another person unless they do it first, and even then I can't hold a convo for more than three seconds. And don't get me started with crushes. Never had a significant other. Ever. And the last time I caught feelings, he thought I was a creep. I'm literally months away from being legal and if I cannot talk to or ask people abt anything then this'll be the death of me.

I hate asking for things

For some reason I have a general fear of asking for things. Money, a pencil, a question, etc. And when I do ask, I normally get what I want.

I’m just so scared of getting yelled at or rejected that I go around things and make everything harder.

Part of it was the environment I was raised in. Another part is just my anxiety kicking in.

I can’t ask my parents to borrow a few dollars to get lunch in the fear that they’ll say no or something. And I know they won’t, but I just don’t want to take the risk.

Weird.

I am so worried about what's happening in the news and politics even though I can barely understand them. How it will effect me and my family. What will the future be for us? It causing me so much anxiety that I can't help but cry while home alone. Does anyone else feel like this?