Rewatching the first episode of Attack on Titan after finishing the series is one of the most devastating experiences, because you see everything with completely new eyes from the first viewing.
And yes I'm yapping about this bc I just showed it to my Nana on a whim and my head is filled with too many thoughts to leave unwritten.
SPOILER ALERT BELOW
Like, the Titans go from being these terrifying monsters to being tragic victims. You can't feel scared or tense in the same way, knowing that these are men, women, and children, forced to become the monsters they've been called their whole lives.
The most prominent feeling, though, is that sensation of unease and dread that permeates the whole first episode. In a sense, it's similar to watching for the first time, as the episode opens with that famous statement that "at that moment, everything changed." You watch as these three kids engage in what seems to be a day like any other, but the icky feeling in the back of your mind reminds you that something about this world is simply not right.
But rewatching it is so much worse, particularly in the case of Eren Jeager.
You see this child, and you understand now that while he seems like an innocent child with dreams of freedom, you notice how *outspoken* he is, how fiercely he speaks towards everyone, and you feel even worse, because you know what this boy is about to go through, just how much he's going to suffer, exactly what he's going to do, and how much he's going to fight, fight, fight for what he believes in.
So when vogel im kafig starts playing, as the smiling titan - no, you think, *Dinah* - wraps her fingers around Carla's body, as the jaws close and the screams of that boy tear through the air, you know *exactly* what's going to happen next, but there's nothing you can do. So as much as it hurts the first time, the hurt that comes from a cruel, uncaring death of a mother, it's so much worse when you realize it's the beginning of a tragedy like none other.
It's the beginning of a story not of hope, or freedom, or even revenge (although the show is about this, the first episode seems eerily eren focused, at least to me), but it's the story of a boy who lost himself to anger, to pain, to fear, and to the endless cycle of fighting, fighting, *fighting*, always moving forward but never moving ahead, who became the exact monster he so hated; a slave to the pursuit of the very thing he do desperately desired.
You watch the credits roll. Maybe a tear appeared in the corner of your eye, maybe you simply let out a sigh, maybe you went on tumblr and posted an unnecessary rant about it, but you had to do *something* to express your feelings on what you saw.
It was like watching a car crash in slow motion. You know exactly where it went wrong, and you know there's nothing that could have been done to stop it.
In a sense, you're just as much a slave as eren was.