god it's 4am, but you know when you're about to give up on something and you give one last shot and it turns out pretty good? well yeah :)
i love and hate having a crush, idk why my heart feels heavy. like im not that good at speaking to people irl but i'm crazy over text, but with him i'm so nervous i can't even do that? its a different kind of torture - and then the few times everything goes well though i'm super happy but then also scared to death of saying something wrong so i pretend to fall asleep or be busy or something like that. it's weird how i feel like i'm barely hanging on to composure and he's nonchalant and uncaring