Chuuya: I hate you!
Dazai's head: Enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words...
Chuuya: I had no idea you were so willing to die for me.
Dazai: Trust me I can hardly believe it myself.
Dazai: When you see him, please don’t freak out ok?
Kunikida: I’m not going to freak out. Who ever you’re dating I’ll always be accepting of them. Even if they were working in the port mafia...
Dazai: Alright, you can come in!
*Chuuya walks in*
Kunikida: Mr. Nakahara, please get out of the way. I’m trying to see who is Dazai dating!
Chuuya, waisted, through the phone: It gets lonely here. And you know what happens when I'm lonely mackerel?
Dazai:
Chuuya: When I'm lonely I become hungry and when I become hungry I want to choke on that *beep* of yours, *beep* close, then lick all of your *beep* before taking out your *beep* and *beep* with more teeth *beep* until you're screaming *extended beep* like a fucking baby-
Dazai, traumatized: *ends the call, breaks his phone in two, punches the broken phone with a big book multiple times, makes a milkshake with the million little pieces of what remained from the phone and then gives it to Atsushi to drink it*