But This Metaphor Is Really Bad - Blog Posts
“You choose your toppings that fit you. “
..No, you don’t. That’s not how this works.
More specifically, while different autistic people can have different autistic traits, that doesn’t mean that you get to choose what traits you have. This metaphor implies that autism is a choice, that autism is just a bunch of autistic traits mixed together (in reality, like any neurotype, it is much more complicated than that), and that showing a couple of signs of autism makes you autistic (it doesn’t).
Saying that you get to choose which traits of autism you have is incredibly harmful to the autism community. That’s the same sort of argument used by ABA therapists to try to force people out of stimming. It’s also the sort of thing that makes neurotypicals think autistic people are just special snowflakes who are faking for attention.
In addition, many of the items in this sundae bar have little or nothing to do with autism, and in fact the sundae bar includes many unrelated neurotypes. While some of these may be correlated with autism, they are still different neurological differences. For instance, autism, ADHD, bipolar disorder, depression, and dyslexia are entirely separate things, and some of them are conflated often enough that this kind of misinformation is very counterproductive.
Fundamentally, you don’t get to choose in what ways you are autistic. Yes, different people will have different “toppings,” but that doesn’t make it a choice. I didn’t choose to be hypersensitive to loud noises any more than I chose to be good at math, or I chose to have green eyes.
tl;dr: Autism is not a sundae bar, and autistic people don’t choose which signs of autism we exhibit.
We need to stop seeing autism as some sort of one-dimensional sliding scale. Autism is not a thermometer. It’s not a rating that is “more” or “less”. High-functioning and Low-functioning do not exist in the real world.
Autism is a collection of symptoms and behaviours. Like a sundae bar. You choose your toppings that fit you.
Are you a bipolar extravert that loves socialising, is good at math and bad at remembering time? That’s ONE way to be autistic!
Are you a socially anxious autistic who has meltdowns when your clothes don’t feel right but a genius knowledge of music theory and is great at scheduling? That’s another way to be autistic!
Notice how both of those examples has strengths and weaknesses? Is one more “employable” or “high-functioning” than the other?
There is no one-size-fits-all category or rating for autism.