I wrote a massive life update blog thing to go with this video https://youtu.be/OCMMIxXnPDo
Then something goofed apparently & it didn't save all of it. It saved nothing.
Who knows maybe one day I'll be able to get back all I wrote. It was very personal & truthfully I really needed to share it.
Even how I meditated to learn how to control my emotions & how people don't listen fully through my videos & then fish for information in the comments. Then have me repeating myself & them getting it. Together with my jokes not landing, the captions being off really often. & This other video I did with editing going after trolls in the video with me switching the background image but talking about things. Hiking with Phaser & it being like 32 or something minutes. I relate things in that.
Then I decided to write about how my self har m feelings are different than they used to be but now I subtly drive myself towards it until it's like when I intentionally drove too fast in a car out on a trail to roll off a cliff. Then got out after seeing the roof crushed in about 3 inches at most where my head had been & that it goes down to my shoulders & I would have easily died. Just got up, felt nothing, then proceeded to get a ride through Hitch hiking back. Lied about the intention, ended up later with my 5th hospital stay & 2nd court ordered treatment.
Man, there was a lot more in there that went over all that I did in there & how I knew I was disabled & couldn't work & "get out" "launch" & how my family was abusive. But couldn't accept it nor could I talk to anyone anymore or do anything else after all the meds, therapy, constant practice of coping skills & maintenance methods, the many many different therapies besides what I started with, the never ending invalidation of the work & it not ever being enough on top of them not needing to respect boundaries & so much more for perspective based thinking & how it means nothing when your abusers have power over you. You can't "reason" with them.
I knew I was headed towards homelessness & more once they felt annoyed enough & I wasn't doing enough work & or lying. I had no way out.
That & other things with people thinking they aren't already obliterated in my video, it's like k ink y p ron for those who get a thrill from listening to someone know what they are saying, confident in themselves, lead you into traps that you didn't know you had, & then evicerate a person thinking they are smart & know more but are just actually dumb & too confident in what they are saying. *Ree* & you can't solve this (although I agree it's a solve & works) in way I don't like! Even though many math problems are solved with realizing the order of operations can be different than what was thought & using that together with bridging the gap with a reason why & how this is done this way, the way it solves & proves the thing & is still actually the same thing but it wasn't thought of in this way because of these things. While I understand this is done & even using another equation's order of operations & even combining it with another equation helped solve a millennium problem, the guy that grows his own mushrooms & hates society & being online. Basically it's like, wait why not use (4x) + 2 = ? When x is equal to 4. Instead of 4 + x multiplied by itself x number of times + 2 = ? & Solve for x when x is the solution of (x)+ (x+ x) - 24 maybe divide by 8 + 13 = 4 question mark maybe it is 4, X + I dunno dude I'm it does this now & no ones challenges it by saying that must mean something changed & we need to make an order of operations change to having it do this part now of the equation to work it out this way now so I guess it 2 = equals around, maybe I dunno, 8 huge question mark about that though. Don't take my word for it. Seriously, also I explained this wrong, because I need an out.
Anyways. People make it infinitely harder to make it possible to be understood then get angry about things they cause themselves & them not understanding things. Jumping around in the video. More.
It's good content, though.
I went into more, who knows maybe one day someone will get it back to be shared!