Chronically Ill - Blog Posts

I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF FEELING LIKE I AM NEAR DEATH JUST TO BE TOLD EVERYTHING SHOWED UP NORMAL FOR CHRIST'S SAKE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS CAUSING THIS

I'm having debilitating and/or concerning symptoms that are being added/changed on a near daily basis. Something is very wrong but the only thing i can do is wait for my next test. What if that one comes back normal too? What if i get fired for being too unreliable? What if it kills me? I'm so fucking anxious and there's literally nothing i can do

fibromyalgia is definitely fibromyalgiaing right now :(

My insulin pump doesn't make me unattractive. Neither do my scars, or all the tubes that hang off of me, or the needles and ports and machines that are attached to me at all times. Parts of my body don't work like they should. I have neuropathy in my hands and retinopathy in one eye. My kidneys need help to work. I've been on beta blockers since my 20s because my heart doesn't work right. That doesn't make me undesirable. I'm worth having sex with. I'm worth pursuing romantically and sexually. I am a whole person that deserves love and to feel good about myself.

feeling sexy and being disabled are things that can exist together. I can have medical devices and a feeding tube and still feel sexy, and i really dislike that people think that the two are completely separate and cannot exist together. I'm allowed to feel confident and love myself and the way i look even if i look a little different, and every other disabled person is too. I love myself and i have a feeding tube, not i love myself but i have a feeding tube.

Is this the calm before the storm or the frost before the spring?

No way I was ever a competitive gymnast

Anyone else sometimes forget the level of disabled they are because it's so normal to yourself?

Sometimes i'll remember something i used to do, something i was able to do and that i definitely wasn't thinking about and i'll have trouble believing it. I know i was walking up and down stairs multiple times a day everyday and oftentimes running them but. It just doesn't true. Like, what do you mean i used to walk a kilometre to school and back every day when i was only half my size?? That can't possibly be right? But somehow it is! I used to jump on those garden trampolines for hours on end. How???

Has anyone cracked the code to not being completely exhausted 24/7? I feel like I can only get my obligations done before it's right back to bed