No bc this is Noah and Claudia’s song actually. All I see is these two whenever I hear it, like Stiles probably popped this bad boy on one day around his dad and he flashes back to him and Claudia slow dancing terribly in the living room to old country songs that sound like this.
They pop on their favourite Johnny Cash album and twirl around the living room, Claudia unable to stop giggling in between singing in an exaggerated southern accent. Her and little Stiles always belting out the lyrics of the music Noah grew up listening to but never truly hearing the words until his wife and son sang them.
Those songs they danced to were some of the only things Claudia consistently remembered when her memory faded. And now he sits back and smiles, listening to ‘Wondering Why’ after being unable to listen to certain songs/artists anymore bc the pain is too much - and he remembers those warm feelings, and dusts off those old records.
I’m actually so unwell about it.
Don’t think about the fact that’s it’s implied stiles has his mother’s eyes. That every time he looks himself in the mirror he sees her eyes looking back at him. That when he looks at himself with deep hatred he sees his mother calling him a monster. He sees her eyes as she tries to kill him. Somedays that’s all he can see. So he avoids looking at himself in the mirror.
Don’t think about seeing void with his mother eyes, eyes that once again hold violence.
Don’t think about stiles holding head in hands. Thinking that the only thing his body has left of his mother is his eyes. That maybe if he gets rid of them, then his father would be able to look at him again.
Slowly digging his nails through the skin above his eyes. Thinking about gouging his eyes out and giving them to his dad. But not being able to do it but using the action to ground himself. Repeating it again and again and again over the years. Leaving scars just above his eyes to give him something else to look at. Something else to see that isn’t his mother’s hatred looking back at him.
Don’t think about his father falling into alcoholism. Tiny 8 year old stiles thinking that his father is grieving, and so he drinks that night. And the night after that and the next. And the drinking isn’t stopping but instead becoming more frequent. Don’t think about stiles holding onto hope that his father might tuck him into bed instead of reaching for the bottle. Stiles picking up whiskeys from the floor with the same colour of his eyes. Don’t think about the moment stiles realizes that his father is trying to drown himself in hopes of reaching Claudia at the bottom. The moment when he has to come to terms with the fact that he might lose both of his parents.