Collin Wilkes - Blog Posts
(A spin off of this post. It is very highly recommended to read it first if you haven't already)
@alls-well-that-ends-weird
*cackles*
Bruce sat at his desk, his hands sternly folded in front of his face. Damian sat in the chair in front of him, staring defiantly.
“Damian… We need to talk about the kids. And the animals.”
Damian stuck his nose in the air arrogantly with the manner of a man who knew he could not lose. Normally an admirable feat against Bruce “Brucie” “Batman” Wayne, but this was Damian Wayne, formerly Al Ghul. What he wanted, he usually ended up getting—with or without permission.
“I don’t know what you're talking about, Father.”
Bruce stared at him, just a few degrees shy of his batglare. “Damian. In the past three months, you have acquired twenty-three toddlers, seventy two cats, fifty dogs, an uncountable number of fish, another cow, three deer, and a random assortment of other animals. Not only that, you adopted Colin, and gained partial guardianship over Jon.” Bruce started full on glaring. “I don't know how. I don't want to know—actually, I do, if only I can stop you from doing more. But that's not the point.” Bruce leaned forward, eyes narrowing. “No more. Send them back where they came from. They need to go. Now.”
Damian examined his fingernails delicately. “No.”
“Damian—”
Damian grinned evilly. Bruce tensed in anticipation as Damian opened his mouth and spoke in an overly loud and dramatic voice.
“BUT FATHER YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM LEAVE—”
Bruce's beautiful, original mahogany wood doors burst open, shattering against the walls.
“NO!”
It was the children. And the animals. God, so many animals. They were all screaming at him in their shrill little voices and all their noises like a demented chorus. Was this his punishment? He knew he wasn't the best father in the world, but surely he didn't deserve this?
“NO!”
“THAT'S OUR BABA!”
“WE WANNA STAY!”
“I WAN’ BABA!”
“Yeah Mr. Wayne,” a horrifyingly familiar voice said over the waves of small beings, quieting them to whimper and sobs, “Don't take us away from ‘Baba’.”
There, walking into his office with stupidly big devious grins on their faces—the exact same one as Damian’s, the little snots—were Colin and Jon, both clearly enjoying this entirely too much.
They walked up behind a smug Damian (who was drowning in cute animals and tiny orphan children—no! Stay strong Bruce!) and wrapped their arms around him, pouting.
“Gosh, Gramps,” Bruce felt a stab in the chest as Colin sniffed in mock distress, “I just got a big family, you can't take them from me now! Baba promised we'd all have a loving and comfortable life.”
“Yeah Grandpapa!” Jon pouted, his eyes tearing up in his deadliest puppy dog eyes. Bruce felt another stab in the chest. “I've got such a big family now, and I can't let my new siblings down now, you know? Baba promised we could all stay together!” All the children nodded along with him, eyes teary and noses sniffing with puppy eyes they clearly learned from Jon.
That little—
“Well Father?” Damian smirked. “You wouldn't make me a liar now, would you? Not to my precious family?”
Bruce had the sinking feeling that this would not be the last conversation about this. He also had the sneaking suspicion that he would win exactly none of them.
Bruce dropped his head in his hands and groaned.
God, what would he tell Clark?