Conflict Resolution - Blog Posts

The Heart of Harmony: Active Listening in Marriage Communication

Marriage is a journey filled with shared dreams, love, and a deep connection between two individuals. Yet, even in the strongest of unions, communication can be a stumbling block. Active listening, a fundamental aspect of effective communication, is the cornerstone of building and sustaining a harmonious and fulfilling marriage. In this article, we’ll explore the significance of active listening…

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Marriage Preparation – The Art of Setting Expectations for a Blissful Journey

Marriage is often seen as the union of two individuals in love, a promise of a lifelong partnership filled with joy and companionship. Yet, beneath the surface of this beautiful commitment lies the need for realistic and well-considered expectations. Marriage preparation, with its focus on setting expectations, plays a pivotal role in ensuring that couples embark on their marital journey with…

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How my roommate looks when she avoids accountability 🧑🏻‍🦰

Why Aren’t There Youtube Videos for ‘How to Deal with Harassment in a Martial Arts Studio’ ? 

Because, quite honestly, there should be.

Some background, ‘real quick’.

I’ve actually been pretty lucky so far in all the places I’ve trained at. Though maybe because I’ve never been a grown ass woman training on my own before. Before this, I trained with my mom and sister, and it was during my middle school to high school years. I’ve been a white belt (level 1 newbie) four times now because we were constantly moving.

In my very first dojo, I was trained in both TaeKwonDo and American Karate by a Puerto Rican former military man. This man, my first Sensei, he was TOUGH. And he made sure his students, especially his female students, knew how to defend themselves. So he trained us hard, and he trained us to fight dirty (when it came to self defense in the real world. If you did any dirty fighting in the dojo, at the very least you’d be getting fifty fist pushups on the tile floor).

So even after bouncing from several other martial art styles and quite a dry spell, when I joined the TaeKwonDo studio I’m currently at, I was actually way better than a white belt. After all, I had been three belts away from earning a black belt in TaeKwonDo and American Karate at my first dojo. And my current instructor recognizes this and is quick to praise how quickly I’m picking the skills up again. I even managed to rank up to the next belt in less than a month!

I was really enjoying myself. After all, I had taken martial arts up again not for the prestige, but for the exercise and community. And even as an awkward kid, I always felt at my most confident throwing punches and breaking boards.

And then some twit showed up and had to ruin it.

This dude, we shall call him… Bob, enrolled about three weeks after I did. Right off the bat I could tell this dude had never trained in any martial arts before. The guy’s technique is very clumsy at best, and sloppy at worst. I don’t mean to disparage him. He’s only a white belt, after all. I don’t expect him to have a honed technique. Especially since he doesn’t seem to be taking the training seriously (or at least, as seriously as I am. My first sensei made sure I never threw a punch or kick that wasn’t peak form).

So what’s my deal with Bob?

In short, so many things. 

The long of it is that I’m starting to feel like he’s lowkey harassing me.

Since we’re both the lowest belts in the class (and we’re lined up by rank) we often end up next to each other during stretches/training, and are taught new techniques together.

(Quick question, if I dude is grunting during a workout next to a woman, is that a creepy gym guy move? Or am I reading into it too much? Because I feel like he grunts a lot when we’re stretching and doing situps/pushups next to each other. And I don’t hear any of the other men in the class grunting).

So besides the awkward grunting, he’s also given me a hard time for not being able to do a full situp, and even saying I didn’t do the require number of situps just because I finished before him (let’s see you do a full situp with double D cups on your chest, dude).

But the thing that’s been building up is his constant harassing me about going to the sparring classes.

At my current studio, you can decide how many classes a week you want to attend. I attend the two adult classes regularly (which, I might add, Bob does not). Then there’s an option to join one of the sparring classes for those who are interested.

When I first started martial arts, I was just a kid. I hadn’t even hit puberty yet, and was still pretty small. Sparing was for the older students who could be trusted to hold their punches back, or at least be more responsible in the event of an accident. My mom did some sparring, and she told me about how scary it was at first. And how she accidentally almost hurt one of the teen boys because they underestimated her and she didn’t have a good grasp on controlling her strength yet (I like to say I get my valkyrie genes from her).

Combine that with my base instinct to get physically violent when pushed to my limit. (Seriously, growing up, I used to bite kids who angered me). Needless to say, I don’t feel I’m ready to take on sparring until I know I have full control of my body. Right now, I’m still getting back into the swing of things; learning how to aim my punches and kicks, and getting a sense of my limbs' reach. I’m not ready to spar.

And this (insert your choice word for a cocky, delusional, disrespectful, creepy dude), has been harassing me about not going to the sparring sessions since he got here. Because he’s been going to these sessions and keeps asking why I’m not going.

Actually, he’s not asking. He’s guilting and harassing me. 

Because his pitch to get me to go, whenever I have repeatedly told him I’m not ready to go, is usually along the lines of: “You should come. I’m just a white belt and I’ve been going since I started. Why don’t you come-?” IN THE MOST CONDESCENDING VOICE IMAGINABLE.

Now, I regret being nice to him. I regret helping him go over katas/forms. I regret politely listening while he complained about the studio (that he’s attending with me right now) and how he might have to attend another studio just so he can learn punches (because this gift to the world didn’t read the sign on the front of the studio that says in BIG LETTERS how TaeKwonDo is known for its powerful KICKS). And most of all, I regret not shutting him down the first time he harassed me about not going to the sparring sessions.

We are NOT friends. He’s NOT entitled to an explanation from me about my personal reasons for not attending the sparring sessions. And he needs to STOP HARASSING ME ABOUT IT.

I spent most of last evening ranting about it to my mom and bestie, and then tossed and turned during the night going over rage induced fantasies where I do attend one sparring session, thoroughly kick him off his ass (with a few broken bones and at least a bleeding nose) - which doesn’t get me banned from the studio because the head instructor was on my side during this fantasy.

So to anyone out there that might have some words of wisdom: what do I do to get this @#$%^& to leave me alone?