Crowley's Bentley - Blog Posts

“Hello, Traitor.”

How?

How, how, how? How can she be in here?

I just got used to the fact that my Bentley has angelic protection now. And that protection didn't fade away when my angel left for Heaven. Demons can't be in here; they’d have to be invited in.

Shax obviously can. “I was going to pull you down to my new office, as it seems befitting for my new position. But you’re so miserable already, I didn’t want to drag you out of your safe space."

No, you just wanna throw it right into my face that you can be in said safe space without any consequences. Don't think I don't recognize your tactics.

"Besides, Hell doesn’t need to know about our little talk, do they?”

"Oh, are we having a talk?" Slouching in my seat I lean back, giving her my cheekiest smirk. Oh, I can feel her new powers emanating from her and I don't know what she's capable of, but there's no way in Hell, I'll show her any fear. Two can play this game.

"We are. I brought chocolates."

"Chocolates?" My face freezes again, this time with astonishment. "You honestly think, I can be won over with chocolates?"

She eyes me from the side. "Well, my first intent was using death threats, but after watching you cry and whine and sob all these last months, I didn't think you would mind discorporation or even destruction so much. If I threatened you, you'd probably respond with something like: 'I don't want to live without my angel!' or 'Please kill me already.' So, I decided not to do you that favour.”

All these last months watching Crowley TV? “Oh, so glad, I could contribute to your amusement with my misery.”

“You couldn’t. Although my associate quite enjoyed seeing you like this... Oh, that was sarcasm, wasn’t it? I’m getting very good at spotting it.”

“Oh, are you? My sincerest congratulations on making Duchess of Hell, then.”

“Thank you.” Shax looks very pleased with herself. “Finally, the next step in my career. Beelzebub was right about their departure offering chances. It won’t stop at this stage, though. I have great plans for my future.”

“Lemme guess.” I take a closer look at the box of chocolates lying on the dashboard. “Grand Duchess of Hell, Princess of Hell, Mother of Demons…”

She brought schnapspralinen. What am I gonna be, a kangaroo? Oh, but there’s whiskey and rum and vodka and ouzo and eau de vie and sake... oh, my! Pity, they aren’t full bottles, just tiny sips covered in chocolate.

“You’ve been out of Hell for a while.” Shax frowns, her giant face hovering over me. “But you do remember that demons don’t have… Crowley, what are you doing?”

“Right.” It’s all just a question of size, isn’t it? I’ll think, I’ll start with that round piece of cherry brandy. Ngk… why does that stupid pen have to be so heavy? And… bam! Nice little holey hole! Keep the good stuff flowing.

“Crowley! Will you stop this nonsense?”

She reaches for me, but I’m quicker, jumping down on the steering wheel to evade her hand. “What? A gift is a gift!”

“I want you to work for me, Crowley. You’ll get to be Duke of Hell, once I’m Grand Duchess. And you can have your flat back.”

“The Bentley’s fine. Lots and lots and lots of space for me to enjoy.” I slide down on one side of the steering wheel (hey, this is fun) and start to climb over the radio to get back on the dashboard.

This time, she’s quicker. Her hand comes down on me and she grabs me between her gloved fingers. “I could just squash you like a bug.”

“Right.” Tiny little tears spurt from my eyes. “My angel has left me for Heaven, please be merciful and end my suffering.”

“No. Stop being so pathetic.” She sets me down and I reach for the pen again. Your vodka’s mine, you pear-shaped piece of brittle chocolate. Hand it over right now!

There’s simply no way in Heaven or Hell I’m having the rest of this conversation sober.

~*~

More Diary Parts

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I just realized something.

Crowley is very protective over his car, something that represents him and his identity and his control over things.

Aziraphale gets in the car, and changes EVERYTHING about it, from the music to the horn to the color of the car to the travel sweets.

And then Crowley calls and sharply informs him, "You know I can feel that, right?!"

It's not just a car, it's him, it's CROWLEY. He's taken charge and changing everything about it that was Crowley, making it his idea of better. He literally tells the car, "There, now that's better isn't it?"

And this was after Aziraphale had said, "It's OUR car."

This is foreshadowing the end, and everything Aziraphale says to him.

"Well of course you said no, you're the bad guys." -- Of course the Bentley isn't going to want to speed, that's bad.

"I can make you an angel again, it will be just like it was before, only even nicer!" -- Oh, but Crowley, why the black when the yellow is so pretty?!

It really drives home (heh) how off-kilter everything is without Heaven and Hell. Before, they knew where the other stood. Perhaps they thought knew WHY the other stood where they did (e.g., "Well of course you're all dark and moody, you're a demon.") And now that that's gone, they suddenly don't have this backdrop.

Crowley seems to not realize that Aziraphale is silently screaming that he wants to be together, he's still stuck in the Heaven-era version of him saying "we can't really be an US". Even at the end, he tells Aziraphale, "We could have been us," and he only seemed to have barely recognized just moments before that they HAVE been an "us" for the last few years.

And Aziraphale seems to have trouble parsing the difference between what Crowley was because he was a demon, and what Crowley was because he was Crowley. At the end of the season, he's asking Crowley to hand over his metaphorical keys to join him in Heaven, so he can change everything about him in ways Crowley doesn't want.

It's THEIR relationship, but Aziraphale wants to change the terms, change everything about it so it can fit his bright and cheerful picture of how everything should be. And when Crowley angrily rejects this (just like he did when it was the car), Aziraphale is just as surprised he feels that way.

For there to truly be an "us", for the car to be theirs and not just one or the other's, they're going to have to learn who they really are on their own, and relearn who the other one really is deep down, then learn what they really want from each other (and what concessions they're willing to make) moving forward.