Darkness - Blog Posts
r u capable of changing your mental DNA?
Today, 44 years ago, my grandfather died. He was killed in his car by explosives he had for construction project. I was born two month before. First granDchild to Motke Bargida, who lost all his family in the Hollocost and survived the worst in Auschowitz by the age of 15. He came to Israel and created a family and a business (earthworks construction). His sudden death change completely my family’s narrative. He never spoke about the Hollocost but i was curious about it and i love history so i returned again and again to this subject through my life and its part of my life since i was a child. I am 44 now and the memories still flashing, memories that are not mine but i have to feel them over and over again, they r part of my mental DNA.
I came to the studio today instead to my grandfather’s grave (due to corona restrictions) and i wanted to express my longings to him, whom I never met.
It came to be a bit dark, but i’m sure he will understand.
I called it: P.T.SS.D Generation 3.0
r u capable of surrendering to the fact that there is darkness and there is light and you are in between both, choosing, each day anew?
r u capable of believing that your wounded soul can gently grow out of darkness?
IN THIS MOMENT - Blood
ZHEANI Sparkes🖤💜
Will is not broken
Even through darkness
Through hallways of death,
Through rage and pain,
Sickness in vain ,
It is easier to open a door
rather than unleash fears.
-t.f.s.
Let the oceans wash away my guilt,
to the one that I rely on,
the one I felt so deep on,
this hand as my guidance,
this spirit as my home,
I feel them for once and last of all..
In a moment
silence broke
all the wishes,
it broke a path,
a stone of dreams,
hopes that lie on
my garden of peace.
Feels like terrible wedding
Where my heart's not invited
And eyes see nothing..
Toasts on barely lasting love,
groans of pleasure, in devor,
the day ends in defeat,
silence just fell asleep.
Everything visible
faded out of me.
-t.f.s.
Guilt.
To be prepared of burning
It is stressful and scary
But aside all of that
No one blames me.
-t.f.s.
I'd never quit on what's called passion,
but my heart and mind dedicated to
this manifestation are faded, almost beaten
death's invitation knocks me down, eaten
from my thoughts that's far away home..
What's dead is already lost,
it comes before I gave my source,
no matter how tired my existence
my heart is beating still,
my mind have chosen to stay awake
and see what is real.
-t.f.s.
Growing out of ideas
Is like drinking an empty cup,
Forgetting what is real,
Forgetting how it hurts.
Another motion thrown
In curiousity to burn
pages that never opened.
It is time.. for the other side.
—T.F.S.
Silent thoughts.
Behind the sickness
I'd wish to drown
In your affection
I seek, I draw
the feeling
of death's birth,
a feeling like that
It never regrets.
You stole what I felt
Freedom could step
Into the unknown
Into the farewell,
It never became dark
But just lonely,
not enough.
—T.F.S.
Trap
Tied in a fairytale,
when an episode
stucks its tongue,
dropping you out,
waiting for another
death to slide in.
-t.f.s.
Notes to myself.
Killing the happiness
is like killing an animal
or nature that gives
hundred of lives.
My ideas are illusion
and illusion makes me company
after I lose my confidence.
Whatever I am, whoever I was
is the past that I've re-written.
There's a new flesh bleeding
In my cells in divine,
whatever needs to be finished,
my past will lay in pieces.
-t.f.s.
For another sad human without a realization.
Deadly virus.
In depths of evil,
fingers in the dirt pray
to welcome God's darkness,
to take us upper in the air.
Floating secrets hidden in minds,
mouths covered with mud
to grow a poison so good,
feel the tearing pleasure,
plague is coming to greet us.
-t.f.s.
Horror.
What seems to crawl in, it crawls out
Inside of a demon summoning evil.
Dusty powder flying over the moon
creating darkness of magic in doom.
Dreadful stroke breaks within,
stuck in humanity's disorder
Inside of terrible insanity power.
-t.f.s.
Tunes.
Wherever I see light,
my eyes drown in vain.
Audience swims
in my bloody stains.
Green palettes mixture
in the middle of forest trees,
silence repeats in tunes,
mind's a body killer.
-t.f.s.
Pressure.
Whole deadly dim of glory
flows with dirty air of essence
deeper than thoughts,
surround my chest.
Where are those voices
who scatter our breath,
names falling down,
faces stay the same.
Flashing lights recall,
the depths of spirits
they stroke to dawn.
Losing part of faith,
magnificent gesture
breaks away the silence,
without a cloak,
darkness is dull.
-t.f.s.
Witch.
Blood's boiling
mercy's on my hands.
Casting a spell,
another universe dwells.
-t.f.s.
In the dark.
In the dark we open minds
just like a box of fantasy,
I want to take a brain trip
to your imaginary system.
In the dark we open minds,
close intentions,outside's cold,
chasing the shadows you're a hunter,
following your steps, devil's a stalker,
don't come closer, it's dark fantasy.
-t.f.s.
What Feels To Be Unreal.
I could feel Earth's vibrations coming.
Breathing. Slow motion.
Sky is running out of time. Animals disappear from ground.
Eyes are haunting in the night, flashes cut inside.
The enemy grows bigger as hearts are getting eaten,
eyes swollen, hands shaking from earth's largest power
in Universe- cosmic danger regeneration;
penetration is on, poison sucks on your skin,
tongue freezes,painting the back of your sin,
creating rooms of dust and evil, envy and kill;
hands are tightening the weight of the world,
Earth's shaking, eyes see everything
In a world drowning in madness, faking
all the goodness flying, air dirty, souls dying.
Powerless and absorbed on the edge of regret,
living nightmares with the walking dead,
end is near as our humanity,
in shape-box as hanged pig,
nobody hears the insanity
we've came along to fear.
Hands shaking, Earth's breaking
new dawn is taking our last scene.
World is so gone, nothing's real.
-t.f.s.
Monster.
A storm of madness
inside a dark hole
smashes existence
wearing Devil's name
on It's face.
-t.f.s
Scary nights.
Fears enter my room
air blows my way,
odd scent comes,
dead men haunt
to capture me.
-t.f.s.
Source: apocalypse dream.
Mind.
Fulfill a destiny
in your hands,
there is no end
there is only death.
-t.f.s.
Distortion.
Waves crash me in your inner self,
Helpless, finding your angles,
your voice doesn't have a tune,
deeper than ocean blue,
your desperation hides under
waves of separation, compassion.
-t.f.s.
My feelings are not just a phase,they are valid. My existence is a value, and It needs to be heard especially when people try to act awful and selfish on you. What's your goal? If you have one,then you're already going there. Because no one can stop you. And no one ever will. Tears are a privacy shelter from other faces and honestly beauty can be found in pieces. But i know,one day or one year I'll truly understand what made me feel to be unwanted/unrealized personality character from a movie that's never real.
-t.f.s.
Smile.
Chaos, words
In
my mouth.
Screaming,
nowhere to shout.
It sucks
to stay at
place where
I don't belong.
Don't worry,
smile,
breathe when
they choke.
-t.f.s.
Silence.
Every night I come back,
to feel the silence of the night.
As I go deeper in it,I can't hear
anyone's laugh or joy.
In the night I am lost;
Thats where I belong.
It develops the tears
running down my face
so I can say "Finally"
to myself..
...
...
"Just another tiring day from work"-I say.
-t.f.s.
(For a friend who deactivated).
Don't pull off your skin,
It's not late to go and sleep.
Your eyes seem crushed,tired;
I don't want them to break me.
Don't go and dance alone
your ghost is chasing you home.
Pick your body up with middle finger out,
don't close the curtains, don't fall out.
When I listen to you my throat aches,
my fingers bleed, too cold to take;
Where's your home now?
What time is your NOW?
Open the door ,
wishing to see you
but your body is unstable.
Where are you?
Don't lose your soul!
Take another day, lay on!
-t.f.s.
Hiding
Danger greets us
To when we find attachment,
Relationship between me and you
Is that we're both so ignorant.
Story begins with "US" ,
but ends with "I".
How can I run away?
Powers perish me
It's what I used to be.