Dear Diary - Blog Posts

I feel very overwhelmed.

While researching and trying to learn, I have discovered there are many paths in paganism that I feel would fit me. But I cannot be all of them at once, can I? I see many people saying "take what fits and work with that!" but I have always been very structure abiding. I want something that is laid out for me plainly and guides me. I need something that is set and allows me to follow a plan.

I feel a bit anxious. I do not want to cause offense, I don't want to do things "wrong", and though the community seems to believe there "is no wrong way", I am not imaginative enough to create by myself.

I am causing myself stress over trying to find peace.

My husband, @notleriff, showed me the synopses for the upcoming WoW expansions.

And I started crying.

The good memories came flooding back and my favorite zone is going to be front and center and it just felt like "oh, that's home...". But I realize that going back might not be in the cards for me. Playing WoW was definitely the most toxic era of my life and I suffered heavily for it.

But damn... going 'home' sounds so nice.

This moon was difficult for me.

I am still working through it, but it truly did hike my emotions. I am tender, aching, and struggling. My depression has hit an all-time high and I am fighting to continue my progress. As long as I continue to do even the minimum, I am continuing on my path. Studying and looking into Paganism has helped ease my mind and give me hope.

I have succeeded in surviving every day so far. I will continue to do so, even if it is simply in spite of hardships

My Values.

What do you hold sacred/value above all else? How do these values translate to actions and our daily lives?

Love To love is in the nature of all things. Everything seeks to be loved and all also give love, whether it be to another being or an object. It is love that creates. Without love, we are solitary; alone. Nothing is meant to exist alone. Communication, time shared together, gift giving, physical touch.

Nature If the natural world suffers, all do. It is by the grace of the Earth, itself, that we are able to live. By neglecting nature and all that exists within it, we are erasing not only our future, but the future of the planet. Maintaining gardens for pollinators, picking up trash, creating less waste.

Kindness We exist in the same plane and each of us has our own struggles. There is no need or reason to make someone's existence more difficult. A little bit of kindness can change someone's existence. Volunteering, saying thank you, helping someone else reach a goal.

Creativity To create is to bring about life. Art, literature, music, food, and theater all represent life and experiences. I believe we all desire to create, to express ourselves in various manners through different mediums, to leave a bit of ourselves with others so that we might exist in diverse ways. Writing, cooking, putting on makeup.

Remember to reevaluate values and actions at the turn of the year!

I don't understand, but I feel like my own home makes me... depressed. I was so motivated to do things, but then I get back home and walk in the door and it's almost instant defeat. Dragging my feet to even do the simplest of things, I just want to lay in bed and sleep the day away.

It's not feeling overwhelmed by chores. I love doing housework, tbh. It keeps me busy as I'm a housewife and otherwise unemployed. I just feel... empty. Is it my schedule being overnight?

How can I help this? Home should be a place of comfort, love, and joy... but it makes me feel alone (when husband is at work), empty, and sad. Even my cats can only offer me little comfort and company.

Seasonal depression is trying to creep in. I am doing my best to push forward and keep going. I have to remind myself it's okay to take things at my own pace, even if it slows down for a few days. As long as I am not stopping.

i am out of spoons today. im trying so hard to do the bare minimum and then the rest i can make up. its okay to take a day of rest. it's okay to take your time to do things. as long as they get finished in the end! just remember to take care of yourself.

It’s not on a sheet pan, but it was made by a Texan. Texas Sheet Cake so I can have a taste of home. I’m so proud of myself for doing this from scratch! I have missed baking so much.

📝

I feel like the Law of Assumption is the only rope I'm holding onto in a sea that drowns me more and more every day. It's my only hope, the only way that makes me believe there's another life waiting for me-a life that resembles me and my dreams. My life here in the village feels like an open prison. Everything is forbidden, everything is far away. I feel trapped in a place that shows no mercy, no hope, no room to grow or dream.

Every day I wake up feeling like the world is closing in on me, suffocating me. If I hadn't discovered the Law of Assumption, I don't know how I would have kept going. Maybe I would've chosen to end it all. That thought used to haunt me, whispering in every moment of weakness: "Why do you keep going? Nothing will ever change."

But the Law of Assumption gave me something to hold onto, the idea that I could create my own world, escape this miserable reality, even if only inside my mind. But it's not easy. Fear eats away at me every single day. What if I'm wrong? What if I fail to achieve what I want? What if I stay here forever, in this desolate void?

I'm stuck between the pain of a reality that's slowly killing me and a fragile hope that barely keeps me standing. I feel like I live in a world that doesn't understand me, in a place where I can't truly be myself. My dreams feel far too big for this place, like a burden that has silenced me since childhood.

Sometimes I hate myself for being so weak, for needing this law to feel like I deserve to live. But I try-I try to hold onto anything that keeps me strong, even for a moment. Maybe one day I'll get there, or maybe I won't, but until then, I'll stay here, silently fighting my loneliness and pain.

I've been having a hard time realizing what I have left behind, in my home town.

I was everyones everything.

People liked me they would only asked for me.

I helped everyone with whatever they needed, I gave my whole heart and soul to them.

We grew up in the same shitty little small town together, ate at the same restaurants with our family's.

Before I left we even walked at night in the streets, doing nothing but been kids.

Now since time has passed, and we all grow into bigger and better people.

They all grown into wonderful, motivated and independent people.

And I've been come the laughing stock.

I haven't contacted anyone from my town in a year, but some how I still hear them talking about me, they all say how "they knew me" and "she was our friend how could she". You say my name like I'm the monster. I wouldn't have done this if you would have helped me. But now its too late it finally has a grip on my neck.