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Connor: Sure, you're verified on twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god?
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Jared: Hey random, what are your favorite flowers?
Evan: Peonies, why?
Jared:
Evan: Were you going to get me flowers?
Jared:
Evan:
Jared: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ
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Evan: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Jared!
Jared: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.
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Alana: We've got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without?
Connor: Jared, probably.
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Jared, talking to Alana: Well Alana, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would Evan do that?’ and if he would, I do not do that thing.
Alana: …
Evan, from the distance: He's not wrong though!
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Jared: Die.
Evan: Please don't die!
Jared: FUCKING DIE.
Evan: PLEASE DON'T DIE-
Alana: What..what are they doing?
Zoe, annoyed and tired: Evan bought a plant and now he wants Jared to accept it as their kid.
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Alana: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?
Jared: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.
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Zoe: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.
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Alana: Can we go to a haunted house?
Connor: What's wrong with the one we live in?
Alana: W- what?
Connor: Goodnight, Alana.
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Evan: If I punch myself and it hurts am I strong or weak?
Alana: Strong!
Connor: Weak.
Jared: An idiot. That's what you are.
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Jared: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.
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Connor: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.
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Jared: I hate taking off my glasses, because without them, my vision goes from Full HD all the way down to buffering at 240p and I just can't handle that.
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Evan: Hey, I got a pet snake, what should I name him?
Alana: a pET WHAT?
Connor: William Snakespear.
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Zoe: Guys, I have a question.
Connor: kys
Zoe: I love you too,
Evan: Ah, yes. Siblings.
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Jared: Look at the buns on that guy!
Evan: *laying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns*
Alana: This is the comedy police! That jokes too funny!
Jared: I'm not going back to jail!
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Evan: Guys, my friend here is bilingual.
Jared: Yes.
Evan: Which means he likes both guys and girls-
Jared: Ye- wait, what?
Jared: That's not what bilingual means.
Evan: Shh, it's okay Jared, I still love you, man.
Both:
Evan: juST NOT LIKE THAT-
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Zoe: Do you think different paints have different tastes?
Connor: They do.
Zoe:
Zoe: Why did you say that so confidently??
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Evan: What's the signal for when something goes wrong?
Jared: We yell 'oh shit!'
Connor: ..That works.
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