Depression - Blog Posts
I’ve been struggling the past few weeks with increasing depression. Money is tight and we’re struggling to pay the few bills we have. I’m looking for a job to help but I know I won’t be able to keep it energy-wise when school starts back up in the fall.
Things are rough in my brain right now.
It almost seems like non-disabled people have a harder time accepting when a chronically disabled person will never get better - and maybe even deteriorate over time, than the affected person has.
"Aww don't lose hope"
There is no hope to be had? Stop pushing your toxic positivity down my throat when I have come to terms with my situation and am grieving already.
Losing hope is what has given me an ounce of peace of mind. This is what life is now. It's not your grief, it's mine.
I want/need to cross stitch again. I basically took a break when I moved and was dealing with depression. I did a small project last month ish and realized how much I missed it. But nothing is organized and my ADHD brain is struggling to find where to start. So I continue gathering and making patterns. I’m also behind in schoolwork so it’s like I’m semi punishing myself but not rewarding myself with cross stitch. Logically I know it would help, but depression brain is also weird.
Anyone else deal with things like that?
I have been struggling with depression lately, but it’s mostly related to my struggles with chronic illness and the lack of support I have from my medical providers. I need to start this aloud so I know that it’s situational and that it’s not my fault.
Also, I need a new therapist who can better acknowledge that it isn’t for my lack of trying. Having a neurotypical and abled therapist is draining and sometimes makes me feel like I’m being gaslit. And that’s not ok.
I’m looking for a new therapist but that takes time and more patience than I can sometimes muster with the US healthcare system and state insurance/Medicaid. Do not recommend the American healthcare experience, 0/10 rating, no stars.
I’m not okay right now and that has to be okay for now.
Do any beings have any advice/tips for disabled beings who struggle with motivation and memory? The main things that we know (keyword is know) are relevant here are that we are autistic, ADHD, and have depression.
Also normal reminders on our phone don't tend to work as we just get rid of them when they show up without even looking at what they are for. So way(s) to get around that would also be helpful.
Basically, we are just asking for tips/advice for disabled beings.
- Shay.🐾
Hi,
I started this blog, because I feel like I'm depressed.
That is "unhappy and without hope" as Cambrige Dictionary puts it.
The state of sadness is definetely longer than 2 weeks, I'd say.
If I'm not mistaken, it's been over 5 years (plus a few weeks).
I may return to this and explain the thing I believe to be the cause of my emotional state. Of course there was a break more or less through the year 2021, because I just read books all the time in hope to escape reality and finally acomplish something. And I did. But 2022 came with new disappointments, lost "friend(s)?" and not enogh will to read so many books again.
I would like to add a few words about myself as an introduction, but I don't think I know mysef well enough to be able to do it this instant.
So I'll just write down some things that I like in no particular order: - cold (it's been way too hot recently) - tea (I'm going to take a sip right now) - jigsaw puzzles (today I started doing one I wanted to for a few years now, but the last time I gave up after putting only a little bit together) - books (their smell, feeling them in my hands, flipping through the pages and sometimes reading) -cocoa (recently mainly because of The Amelia Project; you MUST check it out or I'm going to throw USB sticks with it at you and run away) - podcasts (I know it's pretty unexpected; yesterday I discovered I Am In Eskew and I love the vibes; the depressed and ominous vibes that is) - music (at the moment I'm listening to Dr. Sunshine Is Dead; as I said, the depressed vibes; recently I also listen a lot to AlicebanD) (sip) - idk, not sweating? it's way too hot for this time of day - old Hitchcock movies ( so far I've seen in this particular order: 1. Strangers On A Train (1951) (yes, because of The Amelia Project) 2. Rope (1948) (it's great; to sum up: be gay do crime) 3. Rear Window (1954) ( I really like the way it's filmed, I almost felt like I was one of the tennants of the building)
and after I'm finished with this I'm going to finish watching "Dial M for Murder (1954)" ( I started yesterday and stopped at Intermission; I wonder how he's going to frame his wife, I'm not smart enough to figure it out only from what I've seen so far)
It's funny that all the Hitchcocks films I've seen so far can be connected by starring actors/actress: 1&2 Farley Granger 2&3 James Stewart 3&4 Grace Kelly - Dirt Poor Robins (great band, and Queen Of The Night is increadible, I'm just listening to Komm Jesu rembering what happens in the movie)
- you made it so far?
♠♣♦Congratulations♦♣♠
Anyway, I think that's it for now. I'm going to watch "Dial M..." after tagging this post.
Ciao
PS: Yes, the blog's name comes from that The Guess Who song in case you were wondering.
Any disabled beings have any tips for other disabled beings?
We are kinda having a rough (ruff, lol) time lately.
We would especially love tips for work and how to figure out if working is actually an option right now.
- Shay 🐾
more at @search-parties ✨
New intro post, you can see our old intro posts by looking for "intro post" as a tag on our blog.
Hello, this is our blog for alterhuman/nonhuman and plural things mainly. This was originally made for my fictionkin/ockin; Zuki Shay Hara-Lupo. Who is a noncanon MHA/BNHA being/creature.
Here's a bit more info on my canon for Zuki Shay Hara-Lupo. It was divergent from the manga and anime. If you want to know more about my canon, send in an ask, or you can see some things on my original intro posts. The only thing I will mention here is that UA was a college instead of a high school, so my class and I were all 18 at the start of the first year at UA.
In this life, the body is currently 19, so keep that in mind. We don't mind minors interacting. Just know we (the host subpack) are more hesitant to interact with minors ourselves.
We try and make sure our posts are all tagged well, especially for tw or cw, if you see a post of ours that doesn't have a tw or cw that needs to be tagged tagged, then let us know and we'll fix it.
We will not answer/post any donation asks if you want to know why you should be able to find the posts we made about it by using the tag "no donation asks."
We will block for any reason. Especially when it comes to hate.
This is an endo safe space. We will not judge systems/plural beings for their origins. If you don't like this, leave.
We are also disabled, both in this life and in my (the host) life as Zuki, so that will also be on our blog. [In this life for all the ones after this]. We are autistic and ADHD for sure. We have a learning disability and depression as well diagnosed. We believe we might have OCD and PTSD but are not sure yet. We know we have some form of anxiety, but it's not diagnosed. We all (packmates) experience these disabilities so yeah.
Because of our disabilities, we need a service dog in this life. [I also had one as Zuki]. We will likely post more about the service dog when we finally get our stuff together and do more about it.
- Shay (They/it/xe/ze/hx/he) | Host of The Wildlife Pack, typically just referred to as the Wild Pack
Some userboxes. 3 were made by us, and 4 were made by
Edit Dec 1st 2024: Added some new tag things and moved some around.
Edit Dec 3 2024: Changed some tag things around.
Edit Dec 22 2024: Changed alter to packmate.
Edit Jan 25 2025: Added new kin
Edit Mar 23 2025: Changed some things
Edit Mar 30 2025: Added new tag
Edit Apr 4 2025: Changed some tags (we aren't going back through old posts to change them, so we'll put what the tags used to be)
Edit Apr 5 2025: Changed a few things around, probably gonna make the changes bold. Changed Shay, Zuki, & Akay tags for "fronting"/posting (not gonna change old posts so we will put the old versions)
Edit Apr 2025: Changed some fronting/posting tags, will have the old versions
Tags that are for specific things;
# howling barking and meowing - talking about stuff tag
# disabled pup - disability things
# the wildpack posting - plural [pack/packmate is used for our plurality] things (this replaced the "multi noises" tag)
# tri beta noises sfw - sfw misceverse stuff
# tri beta noises nsfw - nsfw misceverse stuff
# howling and barking at the moon - poems/poetry
# howling into the past - past life/kin memories good
# barking into the past - past life/kin memories bad
# meowing in confusion - this is just for when we are confused about something
# confused howling - questioning system/plural stuff, including origin and alters
# little pup - sfw age regression things when pup is used to refer to me/us
# little kitten - sfw age regression things when kitten/kit is used to refer to me/us
# woof woof reblog - rebloging alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or adding alterhuman/nonhuman stuff in our reblog
# the wildpack reblog - system/plural reblogs (this used to be "multi reblog")
# other reblog - rebloging without alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or plural stuff
# bark bark ask - answering asks to do with alterhuman/nonhuman stuff
# the wildpack ask - answering asks to do with plural stuff (this used to be "multi ask")
# tri beta ask sfw - answering asks to do with sfw misceverse
# tri beta ask nsfw - answering asks to do with nsfw misceverse
# meow ask - answering asks without alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or plural stuff
# 🐾🪶🩵🖌 - Shay | host (used to be "💚🩵🐾🪶")
# 🪶🐾🦴🪽 - Zuki Shay Lupo | MHA/BNHA kin (used to be "🐾🪶🦴🪽")
# 🩵🦴🐾🪽 - Cyan Lupo | RWBY kin
#🖌🐾🪶🖊 - Akay Lupo | DDLC kin (used to be "🖌💌🪶🖊")
# 🌊🔷️🌟🎨 - Lakey | packmate
# 😺🤎🍓🥓 - Declan (The cat face changes based on mood of post) | packmate
# 🐈🐈⬛🍗🥛 - Lynix | packmate
# 🦮💚🐕🦺🟢 - Shirley | packmate (used to be "🗣💚🦮🥦")
# 🐲🐉🔥💛 - Den | packmate | was originally known as Dragon
# ❓️⁉️❔️🤔 - Mystery | packmate
# 🐺🦾🦿🤖 - Oynx Afton (the middle two are supposed to just represent animatronic shit) | packmate
# 🟤🐺🐾🌕 - Phalen Lupe (supposed to represent werecanine/werewolf) | packmate
# 🐺🌠😇😈 - Vesper Lucian (supposed to represent fallen angel) | packmate
# 🌙🔥🐲📛 - Moonfire | packmate
All of this is a mood, including the tags, lol.
Our "many" disabilities disable us? Who would have guessed? Lol (this is mostly a dig at ourselves).
- Shay (They/it)
I often have to stop myself whenever I catch myself going “it’s just that easy” or “why can’t I be like this all the time?” after doing the most mundane shit without second thought.
It’s not that easy, I’m just having a really good day so far.
I can’t be like that all the time, I have a disability.
And that’s ok.
New intro post, you can see our old intro posts by looking for "intro post" as a tag on our blog.
Hello, this is mainly my fictionkin account for my ockin, Zuki Shay Hara-Lupo. I am a noncanon MHA/BNHA being/creature. You can call me Zuki, Shay, or Lupo, whatever you prefer!
My canon was divergent from the manga and anime. If you want to know more about my canon, send in an ask, or you can see some things on my original intro posts. The only thing I will mention here is that UA was a college instead of a high school, so my class and I were all 18 at the start of the first year at UA.
In this life, the body is currently 19, so keep that in mind. We don't mind minors interacting. Just know I (the host) am more hesitant to interact with minors myself.
We try and make sure our posts are all tagged well, especially for tw or cw, if you see a post of ours that doesn't have a tw or cw that needs to be tagged tagged, then let us know and we'll fix it.
We are alterhuman/nonhuman in more ways in this life and in my (the host) life as Zuki, so that will also be brought up on our account.
We will not answer/post any donation asks if you want to know why you should be able to find the posts we made about it by using the tag "no donation asks." [Had to make this bigger and bold, so hopefully, people will listen]
We will block for any reason. Especially when it comes to hate.
This is an endo safe space. We will not judge systems/plural beings for their origins. If you don't like this, leave.
We are also disabled, both in this life and in my (the host) life as Zuki, so that will also be on our blog. [In this life for all the ones after this]. We are autistic and ADHD for sure. We have a learning disability and depression as well diagnosed. We believe we might have OCD and PTSD but are not sure yet. I know we have some form of anxiety, but it's not diagnosed. We all (alters) experience these disabilities so yeah.
Because of our disabilities, we need a service dog in this life. [I also had one as Zuki]. We will likely post more about the service dog when we finally get our stuff together and do more about it.
We are plural. The terms that seem to fit our origin right now are; quoigenic, unknown, and cryptogenic.
- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx/xe/ze/he + more neos/xenos) | currently a they/it time for my pronouns
Mostly try to bold edits
Edits from Oct 22 to Nov 7: Added tag things, changed words on some tag things, changed parts of the post, added parts to the post, and edited the sign off on the post.
Edit from Nov 8: Edited signoff tag things.
Edit Nov 11: Edited signoff tag things
Tags that are for specific things;
# howling and barking at the moon - poems/poetry
# howling into the past - past life/kin memories good
# barking into the past - past life/kin memories bad
# woof woof reblog - rebloging alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or adding alterhuman/nonhuman stuff in my reblog
# other reblog - rebloging without alterhuman/nonhuman stuff
# confused howling - questioning system/plural stuff, including origin and alters
# disabled pup - disability things
# meowing in confusion - idk this is just for when I am confused about something
# little pup - sfw age regression things when pup is used to refer to me
# little kitten - sfw age regression things when kitten/kit is used to refer to me
# howling barking and meowing - talking about stuff tag, idk lol
# tri beta noises sfw - sfw misceverse stuff
# tri beta noises nsfw - nsfw misceverse stuff
# multi noises - system/plural things
# multi reblog - system/plural reblogs
# 💚🩵🐾🪶 - Shay/Zuki Shay Lupo | host and MHA/BNHA kin put together, lol
# 🌊🔷️🌟🎨 - Lakey | alter
# 😺🤎🍓🥓 - Declan (The cat face changes based on mood of post) | alter
# 🐈🐈⬛🍗🥛 - Lynix | alter
# 🐺🦾🦿🤖 - Oynx Afton (the middle two are supposed to just represent animatronic shit) | no idea whether this is a kin or an alter, lol
# 🟤🐺🐾🌕 - Phalen Lupe (supposed to represent werecanine/werewolf) | either kin or alter
# 🗣💚🦮🥦 - Shirley | alter
# 🐺🌠😇😈 - Vesper Lucian (supposed to represent fallen angel) | now we are kinda thinking this is an alter
# 🩵🦴🐾🪽 - Cyan Lupo | RWBY kin
# ❓️⁉️❔️🤔 - ? (don't know who the fuck this person is, think they are an alter though?)
# 💬🗣❓️❔️- When confused who is fronting
Social anxiety fucking sucks. I’m 23 and I’ve never been in a relationship before because I’m afraid of talking to people or even just going out alone. I’ve seriously considered suicide before because of that (usually at night tho. I probably shouldn’t be allowed to be awake past 9pm)
It's actually so comforting to have classmates with mental illnesses or issues. Like, yeah, I'm not alone in this shit!
In addition to art, one of the things that helps my depression is gardening and plants. I hope to get some shelves up in the kitchen for our potted plants, because right now there are 13 containers and pots cluttering the counter and they get bumped often.
In the front yard we have over 10 rose bushes and a moss garden, and I try to plant wild flowers every year.
I spent some time today clearing weeds from directly around two of the rose bushes and noticed the first two flowers of the season begining to open!
I even got to watch a few crows gather sticks for a nest this evening. This is looking to be a good season.
A Short Poem about Pain
I wish my pain had meaning
The foundation of my character
an apotheosis built on aching muscles
On digging pits for concrete in the rain
So that I may raise up a better version of myself
The bitter work that gave us monuments
So that one day we may wipe our brows
With the backs of calloused hands
And smile when others stare in wonder
And care to imagine the nature of its formation
I long for that fight
For scars others can trace with gentle hands
And understand just enough of the nightmare that left me bloodied, battered
Worn ragged but still alive
And I wish I had that comfort
Of running my hands over old wounds
To acknowledge that pain, see it plainly
Hold assurance in my hands, that proof
To validate it as it were
To tell me that was real,
That it might be over now
Instead I’m locked by my own hand
Lying in cool tiles, on stinking carpet
Staring at nothing at all
Nothing on my mind
No real sign,
no blood, no scars,
no story to tell.
Wondering how such pain could come from nothing at all
MY GOODNESS!?!
Seeing my previous posts made me believe the fact that I was into serious depression. My goodness..
Why did I behave like that.. Ebaba.. I feel so sorry for myself..
Whatever happened was for my good.. I really don't wanna discuss about that stuff which happened, and many more stuffs which happened this year, which is the cause of huge depression. The reason I left tumblr was depression. The way in which I was treated by someone unknown, my relatives, family, made me believe that I was worthless and I don't have any sort of ability, potential, capability.
After I left tumblr, I started to focus on myself. Studying and going on small one day trips, small gossip session with friends, going out with friends etc.. I was so into depression that I got into binge eating disorder.
Anyways.. Whatever happened has happened for my good. If those would not have happened from February till December, I would have never realized that I was worthy, capable and had a lot of potential..
I didn’t feel very good in high school. Or life. Childhood. At all. There was a lot of negativity. I didn’t feel I belonged in my family and friends who I thought were ride or die had all just abandoned me as our class swished schools to fit in with the new popular kids and that meant, not to get seen talking to me. Any time someone in my class spoke to me were either to speak down to me or just hit my head into a wall. And well, I lived at a child care I guess is the closest translation so it's easy to feel abandoned by your relatives and you tell yourself your place there isn’t more than an income for your carers.
I felt useless. Absolutely 150% worthless. Waste of space and oxygen. If you think you can imagine that, you can’t. You have to experience it and not everyone makes it out of that journey alive. I kinda just dragged my lifeless body throughout childhood, telling myself “just one more day”, trying to find something to live for. Marvel-releases were kind of small milestones to strive for but lacked any real meaning, so now you know why I draw so much Marvel.
I didn’t talk much to my new class in high school as well, my friends I have known since kindergarten didn’t value me more than popularity, why would this new class?
So strangely enough, I find myself in a group chat with some other selected classmates one night and have to leave the conversation because of a sudden anxiety attack where, to my surprise, I get a notification.
One of the other classmates had noticed I stopped talking and reached out privately, asking how I was doing. And in my entire “emo-phase”, nobody had ever asked me that before. Not really, not in a meaningful serious way other than the usual polite “it’s been so long, how are you, enough about that…”
That was the first real step into this random girl who I expected would leave my life after graduation becoming one of the most important people in my life and holding my hand in this new journey into the light at the end of the tunnel.
Tiny moment after moment, inviting me for milkshakes, sleepovers, watching Good Omens, bonding over horror films, this girl made me feel like I was more than a waste of space, that maybe I… could matter?
And from feeling absolutely nothing, that I mattered nothing, less than so, to just… be invited to stuff. That was huge. It’s indescribably huge.
I am now 22 and can seriously say that I’m much older than I ever expected to be and I am grateful for that every good and bad day.
All because of that single message that one night. That first step on a ladder she probably didn’t know I needed to climb.
Thank you.
Reach out to someone, you never know who might be needing it.
Re-upload, didn’t do superwell first time, don’t expect it to blow up now. But it just represents my own little personal growth and I want to find pride in that.
Take care of yourself and be proud of your journey, how small it may look to others.
I was too stressed and mindlessly scribbled "I can't do this anymore!" in the back of my notebook.
And look, what my little 9 year old sister wrote back!!!
I'm not joking when I say she's one of the reasons why I still keep going on...😭🩷
Are our own parents any different than the step mothers in the fairy tales?
I was watching a documentary series on Netflix called ‘Myths and Monsters’. At a point where they were discussing about ‘The Grimm's Fairy Tales’, which is a book of collected folktales of Germany by the Grimm brothers, they said that the brothers had actually modified the stories to make it acceptable to the children. And one such particular change was that in the story of ‘Hansel and Gretel’. Though worldwide we all know that the siblings were a victim to the cruelty of their stepmother, the original story tells otherwise. They were rather abandoned in the woods by their poverty driven parents.
Now the questions come: Why did the brothers exchanged the real parents with a stepmother? If it was so unrealistic or unacceptable for the real parents to have abandoned their own children, why would the original story has them in the first place?
The series also gave an idea to that. Basically the myths we know have some really deep morals into it. They usually portray the inner dark nature of humans through the images of monsters. So, it is not unlikely to put the real parents’ images as some cruel versions of humans. Because we humans, are capable of such cruelty. It is embedded inside all of us.
But since the civilizations started, we are trying our best to tame such nature within ourselves. As if the wilderness inside us is considered a taboo in the modern world we live in. So, we made another character to drive away this from ourselves. In this case, it is the stepmother. The stepmother has become a disguise for all the dark parts of a parent. Hence, we see this character in almost every fairy tales in the place of a cruel guardian.
Do you ever feel like you’re about to cry? There is no specific reason. You just simply stare at the ceiling and the tears roll down your eyes.
Late Night Chat
Late night. The roads were deserted. Isaac could feel the gentle breeze over his face. The sound of the little waves on the sea was also satisfying. For a moment, Isaac thought, “the world is very peaceful.” In the next moment a different thought hit him. "No! The world is peaceful without any people on it.”
Isaac stood by the bridge over the sea momentarily. Then he stood up above the railing. He had thought about it over a thousand times. He would do this at last. No more second thoughts.
Suddenly Isaac heard footsteps. He froze. “Can anyone be here in this time of night?” he thought. The possibility seemed very negligible. But the footsteps drew closer. Isaac started to stress. Had they seen Isaac standing on the railing? More importantly, had they guessed his intention?
Someone spoke from behind, “the wind is so pleasant here, isn’t it?” The voice sounded like a little girl. Isaac climbed down and looked back.
There stood a girl in a blue hoodie. She was wearing round spectacles. Dark brown hair reached upto her shoulder. Isaac thought that she might be about twelve years old.
“Yes.” Isaac shivered a little as he said so. The girl came closer and Isaac could see her face more clearly in the street light. She looked calm. Her face looked more mature than a twelve years old. “Not a little girl, after all.” Isaac thought.
“Is that your car?” the girl pointed at a range rover parked nearby. “Yes.” replied Isaac shortly.
“Do you live nearby?”
“Not really. I’m from the city.”
“Which is very unlikely in this time of night.” the girl said with a dreamy expression.
“Do you come here often?” Isaac asked to change the topic.
“Mostly at night.” the girl replied with a smile. Isaac thought that he had come here many a night but never had seen a single person except for the buses and cars passing by the street occasionally.
The girl seemed to read his mind, “I saw you the other day.” By ‘the other day’, what she had meant, Isaac didn’t know.
He turned away from the girl and started walking towards his car. Maybe the girl hadn’t guessed his intention of coming here so often.
The girl shouted from behind, “You didn’t tell me your name yet.”
Isaac turned, considered for a second and said, “Isaac, it is.”
“Nice to meet you, Isaac.” the girl said widening her smile. She looked very pretty when she smiled or at least that’s what Isaac thought.
“My name’s Alicia. Call me Rabbit.” the girl said, still smiling. Isaac asked, “why Rabbit?” He never heard anyone called Rabbit before.
“My friends call me that. They say, it’s my spirit animal, that I’m always on the move. Besides, I like to hop.” She hopped towards Isaac twice and Isaac began to laugh. Her smile too reached her sparkling eyes.
“Alright, Rabbit.” said Isaac after he was finished with laughing. “How old are you?” asked Isaac thinking if she really was a twelve years old kid.
Rabbit raised her eyebrows but said coolly, “seventeen, and you?” Isaac replied, “I’m eighteen.”
Rabbit said with a surprising tone, “God! You look like fifteen.”
“Is that because of my height?”
“Not only that, but your face and doings.”
Isaac’s eyes widened, “what does she mean by ‘doings’?” he thought.
“I should be going home now.” Isaac said as he hurried towards the car again.
“No, wait!” Rabbit ran towards Isaac. Isaac stopped and turned to face her.
A moment of silence passed between them. A car passed by speedily, breaking the silence.
“Did you ever go down to stand by the sea?” Rabbit tried to raise her voice in vain. She cleared her throat and said, “I mean, it would be very nice to have a company.”
Isaac heard himself saying, “I always wanted to. But couldn’t.”
“I’ll take you then.” Rabbit smiled beautifully again and Isaac couldn’t resist.
They walked down through a slope by the end of the bridge and stood by the sea.
Isaac asked, “How many friends do you have?”
“Three, including my mom.”
“What about your father? Isn’t he counted as a friend?”
“Not really.” Rabbit looked at Isaac; who was still staring at the sea and began “What about...”
Isaac cut her through and said, “I don’t have friends, unless you count yourself.”
“Okay. Congratulation on making your first ever friend.” Saying so, Rabbit shook his hand. And then, the two new friends started making conversation.
Isaac found his spirit raising more and more as he talked with her through the night. There was something very exciting about her. No wonder why she was called Rabbit.
“Do you go to college?” at one point, Rabbit asked, wondering why he didn’t have any friend.
Isaac only smiled. He can’t help thinking about college. His days in college were so hard that he decided to stop going. But his parents always kept on pushing about this subject which hurt him an awful lot. Isaac’s smile faded thinking about it all over again.
Rabbit seemed to be understanding everything. She simply nodded and said, “I don’t go either.”
Isaac was a bit surprised at the reply, “Why?” he asked, “Only if you want to share.”
“It’s okay.” said Rabbit, “Actually my family can’t really afford it. I have to work so that my little sister can go to school at least.”
“But your parents...” began Isaac.
“My father’s an alcoholic. He doesn’t live with us.”
Isaac couldn’t think of any suitable reply. He nodded to avoide saying anything stupid in this delicate subject.
“Mom’s too sick to work.” said Rabbit, “so, now I’m the only one to take care of my little family.” Rabbit smiled at Isaac once again.
Isaac couldn’t process it. He couldn’t imagine how this pretty smile was formed.
“How can you?” Isaac asked finally.
Rabbit looked a bit confused, “What do you mean?”
“How can you look so happy when you’re going through all these?”
“Because” Rabbit said, “I AM happy.” She said it in a way as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Isaac looked away. “She is pretending. Just like I always do.” thought Isaac.
“My life doesn’t suck as much as it should have. Do you know why?” asked Rabbit in a calm way. Isaac didn’t answer.
Finally Rabbit said, “Because at good times, I live it to the fullest.”
A moment of silence. Then a question raised in Isaac. He turned to her and asked, “What about the bad times?”
“That’s simple, I remember the good ones.” Rabbit said with a smile. Then she added, “I should be going home. See you some other time, I guess?”
Saying this Rabbit started walking towards her home while Isaac stood motionless.
The dawn was breaking. Isaac stood up on the railing of the bridge again. But this time he closed his eyes. A very happy moment of his life peeped inside his mind. That one lead to another happy memory; which lead to another. Thus, Isaac kept on thinking, his eyes closed, hands spreading on both sides and his lips curving at the sides to form a smile.
Everyday 2018 Mixed Media
I hate when someone blames my struggles on what year of school im in...
like no i don't think it's senioritis i'm pretty sure that's just my depression
approach me slowly and carefully: i think everything in this world is out to get me
and so far that hypothesis has been proven correct