I want to be someone’s favorite person.
I want to be loved unconditionally.
I want to stop feeling like I’m too much.
I want to stop feeling like I’m never enough.
I want to stop always being the person who never has anybody.
I’m tired of always feeling forgotten.
I’m tired of feeling sad.
I’m tired of feeling bitter.
I’m tired of always feeling like I don’t deserve love.
I’m tired of constantly feeling abandoned by the universe.
I’m tired of being tired.
I’ve had enough lessons.
I’ve had enough of sitting on the bench.
I’ve had enough of things never working out for me.
I’ve had enough of one-sided bullshit.
When the fuck is it going to be my turn?
I know this post isn’t going to go with the usual vibe I want for my blog, but I don’t have anywhere else to say this. So my apologies if it’s a bit of a downer. Just keep scrolling. We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming later. This is mostly for me. But anyway…
I’ve been feeling so incredibly lonely lately.
I can’t talk about these feelings with anyone anymore. It’s pointless. I’ve realized that people just don’t want to hear it. Which I totally understand. If you’re experiencing all of these happy milestones (career, love, health, family, etc), the last thing you’d probably want to listen to is an unhappy person who is struggling with the very things you’re thriving in. It probably brings you down. But I really don’t have anyone left at this point to talk to and who would understand. I’m so fucking unhappy. And I feel so fucking unloveable.
I know I’m not a terrible person but sometimes it feels like I am. Otherwise, why is my life like this?
Maybe it’s karma from a previous life that I don’t even remember. Maybe I, unknowingly, crossed a voodoo witch or something. I don’t really know. All I know is, I really want this feeling to go away.
No amount of therapy, self love, going outside and “touching grass,” etc seems to help. I feel like such a shell of a human being right now. I’m so tired and lost.
For any mutuals who see this, if you’ve ever felt this way, has it gotten better? What helped you? Because despite doing everything you’re “supposed to,” I don’t feel any better and things haven’t changed at all for me.
Some days I fear things will never get better for me.
I keep holding onto hope but it’s hard.
It’s even harder when you have to go through something like this alone, because you don’t want to bother anyone anymore.
That’s all I guess…
Until later.