Emotion - Blog Posts
This ship that lives inside me,
Is not one I can steer.
Unlike the car I trust in,
The ship refuses to go my way.
The car is my comfort,
the ship is my fear.
Seemingly stable,
but so willing to sink.
When I open the windows,
All the water flows through.
Why does feel like I'm living a cruise,
When everyone else is on a roller coaster.
I want to know where the ship is going,
But this ship that lives inside me,
Is not one I steer.
I wish I could turn back time,
To when we had our first connection.
I would write our story all over again,
But this time with more experience.
I am chaos,
I am cursed,
I bring destruction to the table,
I ruin everything,
Everything that I have ever touched,
Everything that I have ever felt,
Everything...that I have ever loved.
Do you ever get sick? But it's not physical or mental. It's just emotionally sick.
Maybe all that we want is already taken— no matter how much we cry, yearn, lament, we never seem to get what we seek.
Meaning of words.
You said then
that
my love murders
you in a beautiful
way
and that you don't
think of an
existence without
it
so in that i
thought you
would go extinct
upon our failure.
But as time grows
all i have seen is a you
blooming.
Was it a lie ?
and my love
was totally a nothing
to you ?
please
please tell
me
and tell
the one
murdering you
now
not to highly think
of things for
all of it is
just a jumble of
words.
Is it human to destroy hearts in the seek for love ? Why isn’t it immoral not to love as you are loved ?
I Have Not Changed
I still carry
that fear of you
of your dissappointment and
anger.
I still fail
to see what is important
what I need to be doing and
how I can do it better.
I still wait
for salvation to deliver me
instead of moving my own
two legs to walk
I still think
that I can fix myself
even though time has shown that
I cannot get up alone.
I still hope
to never be a burden
nevermind the burden I am
to the world I take from.
I still allow
my passions to be tainted
by approval, by fear, by time
as I run myself ragged for you.
I still shudder
when I hear a ping
wondering whether it is praise
or deep, vitriolic scorn
I still fear
that the beautiful, wonderful, spectacular people around me
will retract their blessings
and leave me godless.
I still fear that I am not worth a second of your time.
Solving Problems
Solving a problem
is about finding
the right tool.
Sometimes
You have the right tool
but forgot it.
Sometimes
You saw wrong
And you grabbed the hammer
When what you needed was a wrench.
Sometimes
You simply don't have it
And need to go to the store
To get the tool you need.
Sometimes
That tool is people.
New ideas, new methods, new tricks.
Everyone else has so much to teach us.
And sometimes
I stressed so much
I forgot the simple solution
and cried myself to sleep.
And maybe
maybe sometimes
there just isn't a perfect solution at all
and I have to just deal with it.
Or maybe I'm using a voltmeter and car battery
When what I actually need is a hand.
A Broken Vase
This vase is broken.
It is chipped, cracked, and damaged.
It is broken like a million other vases.
Yes, it is broken.
Hurt like a million others, indeed.
Each one uniquely hurt, each one uniquely changed.
This broken vase is worthless.
It is broken. It serves no purpose.
It would be better to throw it away.
No, it can heal.
And when it is healed, it will be unique.
It will be a simple vase no longer.
The broken vase will stay broken.
It will never be fixed to mint condition.
It must be thrown away.
Yes, the damage will stay.
But it will be fixed to be different.
It will be unique and special and beautiful.
This is a broken vase. We must throw it away.
I am beginning to believe that the vase is not the problem here.
stranger
You are just a stranger I introduced to my heart so it feels less empty and I less alone
I am just a stranger you introduced to your heart so I would satisfy your needs and you would feel complete
We are just two stranger who agreed to use each other to fill our desires in the most egoistic way possible