Etiquette - Blog Posts
How to approach a wheelchair user in your way
-> A visual guide
[ID: a graphic with simple figures. on the left is a column of 3 identical images of a wheelchair user sitting in front of a pedestrian. on the right are examples of do's and don'ts. the first don't is a person attempting to step over the wheelchair user. the second don't shows a person attempting to push the wheelchair user. the final image is a do with a person saying "excuse me" to the wheelchair user]
❌ stepping over wheelchair users
❌ pushing wheelchair users
✅ asking politely for the wheelchair user to move
PSA: Fandom etiquette
Please read this/share!!
Hello, my names dejon or whatever else. Today I’m here to once again go through an important reminder to all fandoms.
✨Etiquette✨
For some of the younger ones here or smooth brains, here’s the definition..,
(You understand now? Good!)
To be apart of a fandom doesn’t just mean for you to run around and do whatever. That is not what we do here!
•Artist
Be polite , comment something encouraging or positive about their art. EXP: “I really love the color scheme” or “your Oc’s are so cool!”. (Some may allow for more ‘colorful’ remarks but not everyone )
DO NOT!! Harass artists to draw you or your OC for free, even if you’ve known that person for a long time. They are not obligated to do anything!
It’s okay to talk about an artist’s character but if it’s only ever lustful thoughts, keep it to yourself bud. Promise you that even some nsfw artists don’t wanna hear it.
Tracing is a bit iffy. If you’re trying to improve or find an art style then it’s okay, just don’t post it or claim it’s yours. (I know everyone has their views on this but ya know we’ve all did it at one point) 
[ Racism/homophobia/transphobia aren’t welcomed at all! Common sense would tell ya otherwise to not make anyone feel less or uncomfortable! ]
Some artists like to be anonymous, the amount of times I’ve seen family/friends/long time followers find their art page and comment their name is alarming. EXP: “Omg ____ I didn’t know you were so talented!” , if you value privacy don’t do this.
Remember to idk block or scroll if you don’t like (legal) shipping/self-shipping/ OC x canon. It’s been around for decades people! It’s not going anywhere.
Theres a bunch more but I’ll just make a part two later or tomorrow. Remember , don’t be a d1ckhead
When there is no mutual acquaintance...
The problem of an introduction when there is no mutual acquaintance is sometimes perplexing. But the young man, having had the good taste to purchase a copy of PERFECT BEHAVIOR, is having no difficulty. He has fastened a rope across the sidewalk in front of the lady's house and, with the aid of a match and some kerosene, has set fire to the house. Driven by the heat, the young lady will eventually emerge and in her haste will fall over the rope. To a gentleman of gallantry and ingenuity the rest should be comparatively simple.
Проблема представиться незнакомой даме может для любого джентльмена обернуться поистине камнем преткновения. Однако молодой человек на рисунке, хорошего вкуса и разборчивости у которого оказалось достаточно, чтобы приобрести себе экземпляр нашей книги, больших затруднений в таком деле для себя не видит. Он натянул шнур на небольшой высоте от земли через дорожку к дому заинтересовавшей его леди — и при помощи спичек и некоторого количества керосина поджёг дом. Спустя некоторое время юная леди, которой станет в конце концов невмоготу терпеть сильный жар, непременно выбежит из дома и, не заметив в спешке натянутый шнур, запнётся и упадёт на дорожку. Галантному и в достаточной мере находчивому джентльмену сообразить, что следует ему после сего предпринимать, труда большого не составит.
From “Perfect Behavior. A Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in all Social Crises”, by Donald Ogden Stewart (1922)
© Перевод
In exchange...
Nowhere is the etiquette of travel more abused than our subways. The gentleman shown above is en route to his fiancee's flat in the Bronx. He has neglected to purchase the customary bouquet for his intended and has offered his seat to the lady, who is standing, in exchange for her corsage bouquet. Should she accept the proposition without further ado, or should she request the guard to introduce the gentleman first?
Следует отметить, что нарушения правил этикета при поездках в метро явление куда более обычное, чем в других видах городского транспорта. Молодой человек, изображенный на картинке, едет в Бронкс на квартиру к своей невесте. Он забыл, однако, купить обычный для подобного визита букет цветов и потому предлагает стоящей рядом девушке отдать ему букетик с ее корсажа в обмен на свое место. Следует ли девушке принять его предложение без лишних разговоров или правильней будет прежде кликнуть охранника и попросить его представить ей этого молодого человека?
From “Perfect Behavior. A Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in all Social Crises”, by Donald Ogden Stewart (1922)
© Перевод
To my friends on the spectrum, let me explain to you an unspoken social rule that possibly nobody has ever explained to you before
If a neurotypical asks you, “What game are you playing?” they’re not asking you to describe the game.
They’re asking you if they can play too.
If a neurotypical asks you, “What are you watching?” they’re not asking you to explain the plot of the movie/tv show to them.
They’re asking if they can watch it with you.
.
When neurotypicals ask you “What are you doing?”
What you think they’re asking: “Please explain to me what you are doing.”
What they’re actually asking: “Can I join you?”
Now here’s the really fucked up part. If you start explaining to them what you’re doing? They will interpret that as a rejection.
What you think you’re saying: [the answer to their question]
What they think you’re saying: This is an elite and exclusive activity for a level 5 friend and you are a level 1 acquaintance. You are not qualified to join me because you don’t know all this stuff. Go away.
.
This is why neurotypicals think you’re being cold and antisocial.
IT’S ALL A HORRIBLE MISCOMMUNICATION.
Decency towards others, especially service workers, should be the bare minimum.
When boarding buses, or any sort of public transportation where you have to walk past a driver to board, always smile at and greet the driver as you're boarding.
It doesn't waste anyone's time, yours or the drivers, to smile and greet the driver, as chances are you probably have to pay or scan your pass which is going to take a second or two, about the amount of time it takes to smile and greet the driver.
When we don't look at or acknowledge the driver at all, this can make the driver feel dehumanized to not be acknowledged by other human beings all day. Being a bus driver is a difficult job, they have to do customer service AND deal with traffic all day. Bus drivers also face a lot of burn out because they are often treated poorly. The least you can do is humanize them by smiling at them and greeting them.
Hi Elle,
Did you take any etiquette classes, or red any books about etiquette? If so what did you take away from it? In general what is some basic etiquette everyone should know?
Yes, my mother made my sister and me take etiquette classes when we were growing up, where we learned how to make small talk, use cutlery properly, do the fox trot, and all that. It felt like torture at the time, but now that I'm an adult, I'm incredibly grateful for it. There are countless teachings I believe everyone should know, but I'll keep it simple and list the basics:
Socializing:
Greetings and Introductions:
Initiate Greetings: In formal settings, greeting the host and senior individuals first is polite.
Introduce Yourself with Confidence: When introducing yourself, make eye contact, smile, and offer a firm (but gentle) handshake.
Remember Names: Pay attention to names during introductions, and try to use them in conversation to show attentiveness.
Conversation Etiquette:
Avoid Monopolizing Conversations: Engage in a balanced dialogue exchange; avoid dominating the conversation.
Graceful Interruptions: If you must interrupt, do so politely with a soft “Excuse me” or “May I add…?”
Ending Conversations: Close conversations gracefully, e.g., “It was a pleasure speaking with you,” before moving on to another guest.
Small Talk and Topics:
Safe Topics: Stick to light, neutral topics like travel, the arts, or current (non-controversial) events.
Avoid Over-sharing: Keep personal matters private; maintain an air of mystery and sophistication.
Dining:
Seating Etiquette:
Wait to Be Seated: Wait until the host signals to sit, or until you’re guided to your seat.
Seating Order: If you’re hosting, guide guests to their seats based on seniority or guest of honor status.
Table Manners:
Utensil Use: Start with the outermost utensils and work your way in as the courses progress. After you've cut your food, make sure you move your for to your left hand even if it feels counterintuitive,
Bread and Butter: Tear off a small piece of bread, butter it on your plate, and eat it, rather than buttering the entire slice.
Resting Utensils: When pausing, place utensils on the plate in a “resting” position, such as crossed or angled.
Handling Courses:
Soup Etiquette: Spoon soup away from you and sip from the edge of the spoon without slurping.
Pacing: Match your pace to the host or the most senior individual at the table. Don't rush or lag behind.
Events:
RSVP and Invitations:
Timely Response: Respond to invitations promptly and never bring uninvited guests unless explicitly allowed.
Respect Time: Arrive on time, especially for formal events, but not more than 15 minutes early.
Host and Guest Responsibilities:
Host Etiquette: As a host, introduce guests to each other, especially if they don’t know anyone else.
Guest Behavior: Engage with other guests, but don’t cling to one person for the entire event. Mingle politely.
Handling Alcohol:
Moderation: Drink alcohol in moderation. Know your limits and avoid overindulgence.
Toast Etiquette: Stand if a toast is being made in your honor, and wait to drink until after the toast is given.
Dressing:
Dress Code Adherence:
Understand the Code: Whether it’s black tie, cocktail, or casual, always adhere strictly to the dress code specified on the invitation.
Subtle Elegance: Opt for classic, understated pieces that are elegant but not overly flashy.
Grooming and Accessories:
Impeccable Grooming: Make sure your hair, nails, and makeup are neatly done and appropriate for the occasion.
Minimalist Accessories: Choose simple, elegant accessories that complement but do not overpower your outfit.
Macaulay Culkin by mollyhmunro featuring a beer chiller
A Question Of baseball shirt, 155 CAD / Oscar de la Renta romper, 2,710 CAD / HOME ALONE LOOSE FIT SWEAT, 140 CAD / Etiquette panty, 52 CAD / Hanky Panky intimate, 51 CAD / Jumpsuits romper, 17 CAD / Knee high socks, 7.24 CAD / Privileged orange shoes, 150 CAD / Topshop black sandals, 87 CAD / Black purse, 530 CAD / Wildfox sunglasses, 220 CAD / Kate Spade iphone case, 56 CAD / Black beanie, 38 CAD / Nars cosmetic, 40 CAD / Nail polish, 22 CAD / Beer chiller, 25 CAD
Un homme, pour moi, ce n'est ni un portefeuille pour assurer mon existence, ni une étiquette dont j'ai besoin de circuler dans la société, ni un bijou qu'il m'amuserait de porter pour que d'autres me l'envient, ni un sexe où accrocher mon reste de jeunesse pour la retenir, ni un poste à transistor destiné à combler le silence. C'est un être humain avec lequel je veux trouver ce qu'il y a de plus rare au monde: un langage commun. Communiquer, s'entendre, être entendu et entendre l'autre.
-Françoise Giroud
for LIFE, South China Morning Post, 16 September 2014. Can be read HERE