Ewan Mcgregor - Blog Posts

14. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Little Voice (1998)

(sorry, everyone there's not a gif to use for the movie this time! 😭)

Fun Facts!

Philipp Jackson works alongside Ewan again in this movie in a minor role. They worked together on the movie "Brassed Off!"

Jim Broadbent is part of the supporting cast as the character Mr. Boo. He will reunite with Ewan to film "Moulin Rouge!"

The titular character, Little Voice, is played by Jane Horrocks who performs her own songs! They did not hire an impressionist for her to lip sync to; she's just that talented! She also played this role seven years earlier for the stage play version.

Genre: Comedy/Musical

Rating: R

Director: Mark Herman

Starring: Jane Horrocks, Michael Caine, Brenda Blethyn

Synopsis: "Little Voice" is about a young lady (Jane Horrocks), nicknamed Little Voice due to her whispery manner of speaking. She rarely talks and is so shy that she never leaves her house. The only thing that brings her joy is listening to music. Her mother (Brenda Blethyn) is the exact opposite. She's loud, talkative, and unfortunately, doesn't think Little Voice is good for anything. When a talent scout discovers that Little Voice has a gift for impersonating famous singers, all he sees are dollar signs. He just has to convince this girl with a tiny personality to share with the world her larger than life brilliance.

Ewan Review: Ewan McGregor plays the character Billy. Like Little Voice, Billy is a man of few words. While music is the only thing on her mind, his is constantly preoccupied with his pigeons. When he meets Little Voice for the first time he is immediately intrigued by her and tries to get to know the meek young lady. Ewan isn't given much to do in this movie. His character is shy so he doesn't have many lines. He's mostly relegated to being the quiet awkward guy in the background. If you're looking for Ewan content, then I suggest you keep looking. You could call Little Voice a love interest, I suppose. I don't see their relationship that way but that's just my opinion. He doesn't have any kissing, sex, or nude scenes. I believe he speaks in a Yorkshire accent for the movie. His awkwardness is cute and relatable and he performs a heroic act towards the end of the movie. I think acting wise he gives a good performance.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 14/97 minutes making his SP 14%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? Unfortunately, no. He's just a minor character without much screentime or lines. Is the movie worth watching in general? Yes. It's a charming movie with a talented cast.

Where to Watch: "Little Voice" is available for rent on YouTube, Google Play Movies and TV, Fandango at Home, and Amazon Prime Video.

Closing Thoughts: I feel I have the responsibility to point out that the characters Billy and Little Voice are considered "abnormal" by the people around them. They don't understand social cues, they don't make a lot of eye contact, they barely talk and when they do, it's only about the specific interest they have, and they have unusual mannerisms. In other words, while the movie doesn't explicitly give them a label, I think they're meant to be autistic or at the very least are coded that way. I'm bringing it up because I don't know if the actors are on the spectrum but I've heard from those who are that the autistic community has often been hurt by even the most well-meaning depictions of the neurodivergent. I'm not autistic so I don't think it's fair for me to say whether the actors performance was harmful in their depiction or if it was done well and respectfully. All I can do is give you a heads up so that you aren't blindsided if you decide to watch it.

13. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Velvet Goldmine (1998)

Happy Pride Month!❤️🌈❤️We've made it to 1998 and can take a breather because Ewan only made two movies this year. How appropriate that on the first week of Pride Month the first review is the LGBTQ film "Velvet Goldmine"! I swear I didn't plan this. Maxwell Demon must have arranged it in the stars 😏. Also, I came across three different runtimes for this movie. The version I watched had a runtime of 1 hour and 58 minutes so the Screentime Percentage is based off of that.

Fun Fact: Toni Collette co-stars in this movie. She was in "Emma" with Ewan!

Genre: Musical/Drama

Rating: R

Director: Todd Haynes

Starring: Christian Bale, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Ewan McGregor, Toni Collette

Synopsis: If you're someone who doesn't like musicals because of the "unrealistic" factor then you'll be happy to know that's not the case here. The movie is a musical because the characters are singers/musicians and they perform throughout the movie. The film is about British glam rocker Brian Slade who fakes his own death and disappears from the public in the 70s. Ten years later, Arthur Stuart, a journalist, is given the task to unearth what really happened to the rockstar and where he is now. His search brings him in contact with former stars who knew Slade and causes him to reflect on his own tumultuous past.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Curt Wild. Curt Wild is a gay American man who's the lead singer and guitarist of his band The Rats. Brian Slade is greatly inspired by Curt and convinces him to collaborate on some projects. Eventually, what starts as a professional relationship blossoms into something more. Ewan speaks with an American English accent for this role which sounds a little funny at times. He has long blond hair for some of the movie which I like. He has two male love interests and a kiss scene. There's also one sex scene and one implied sex scene. He pretty much never wears a shirt and in one scene even strips nude while performing! And yes, that means you get to see his penis. Speaking of performing, he sings thrice and two of those times are full performances. Fun fact: he sang all of his vocals live instead of lip syncing to a pre-recorded track while filming! As far as acting, I think he did well with the limited amount of screentime he had.

Screentime Percentage (numbers are rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 20/118 minutes making his SP 17%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? Yes, even though he doesn't have much screen time, he makes the most of it. Is the movie worth watching in general? Yes, it's a great LGBTQ movie! Plus, the soundtrack is infectious.

Where to Watch: "Velvet Goldmine" is available for rent on YouTube, Google Play Movies and TV, Fandango at Home, and Amazon Prime Video. It's also currently uploaded for free on YouTube through the account SELVA BEATS. Just search "Velvet Goldmine 1998 filme raro leg". Heads up: the movie has Portuguese subtitles that can't be turned off. Lastly, you can pirate the movie on soap2day.

Closing Thoughts: This movie makes me go Wild (pun-intended😉) with each watch. The music, costumes, performances, acting, EVERYTHING makes my heart pound. When I watched it for the first time I said the same thing Arthur did in the movie, "That's me! That's me!" It's been 26 years since it was released and in 2024 I was able to say, "That's me." I felt hope. I felt less alone. And I know I'm not the only one who saw themselves and felt the same. "Velvet Goldmine" is a beautiful movie in every way and well worth a watch.

12. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: A Life Less Ordinary (1997)

This is Ewan's last movie of 1997 and oh boy, is it a good one! And yes, the plot is just as zany as his previous two movies lol. Here are some fun facts before we begin!

Ewan's wife, Eve Mavrakis, is credited as Art Department Associate.

Once again the terrific trio of Danny Boyle, John Hodge, and Andrew Macdonald are reunited with Ewan to create movie magic! Sadly, Ewan and Danny's friendship took a huge blow after this project. The grudge would last for nearly two DECADES before they worked together again.

Stanley Tucci plays a minor role in the movie and will work with Ewan again in the future.

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Danny Boyle

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: Robert Lewis is experiencing the worst day of his life. He gets fired, dumped, and evicted all within twenty-four hours! He decides his only option is to speak to the CEO and demand his job back. Instead, he ends up kidnapping the man's daughter, Celine! In the midst of this chaos, two angels are sent from Heaven to help Robert and Celine fall in love.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Robert Lewis. Robert is a hopeless romantic and aspiring writer. He's a sweet guy who doesn't know how he ended up as a wanted criminal but thinks he's gone too far to turn back. Thankfully for him, there's one person who's willing to help him be a convincing kidnapper and get the ransom money he needs...his kidnappee, Celine! Ewan gives a great performance in this role. His chemistry with Cameron Diaz is even better than his with Nicole Kidman for "Moulin Rouge!" in my opinion. He has two kiss scenes and a shirtless scene. He performs a song and dance number which is really fun. He wears the kilt which to my knowledge is the only time he's done so on screen to date. Robert is more innocent compared to Celine so that brings about some cute moments of confusion. Best of all, he sobs like a baby in one scene and it was *chef's kiss 🤌*. He needs to do more comedy roles because he's genuinely good at it! All the actors had great chemistry and gave stellar performances.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 53/104 minutes making his SP 51%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? Yes! I'm a fan of his raspy screaming voice (and he does a lot of it), he sings, dances, and seeing him cry in fear is always appreciated. Is the movie worth watching in general? Also yes! It's funny and the actors play off each other so well. The story is unique and the soundtrack is great too!

Warning before Watching: There are some bloody scenes in the movie. Nothing super graphic but I still want to issue a warning for those who are uncomfortable by such depictions. Two characters get shot in the head and there's a close up of their wounds. There's a scene of a character intentionally cutting them self and drawing a large amount of blood. Lastly, a character is cut by someone else and there's a close up of the wound.

Where to Watch: "A Life Less Ordinary" is currently available for rent on Fandango at Home. You can also watch on Amazon Prime Video if you have a premium subscription or you can pirate it on soap2day.

Closing Thoughts: It truly sucks that this movie wasn't well-received and was commercially unsuccessful. We need more movies like this that a take chance on a wacky story! I call them "silly goofy movies" and they are sorely lacking in Hollywood today. I implore you to give this movie a watch. It's a great time!

11. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: The Serpent's Kiss (1997)

Fun Fact! If you're a fan of the "Long Way" motorcycle series with Ewan and his best friend Charlie Boorman, then you'll be pleased to know that their friendship began on this movie! Charlie has a minor role in the film as a secretary. He and Ewan met while filming and bonded over their love of motorcycles. The rest is history!

Genre: Drama/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Philippe Rousselot

Starring: Pete Postlethwaite, Greta Scacchi, Carmen Chaplin, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: "The Serpent's Kiss" is about the Smithers family. Mr. Smithers wants to give his wife the gift of a garden so he hires a top-notch landscaper that his in-law recommends to him. Mrs. Smithers isn't very interested in the garden but prefers games and tricks. Specifically those she can play on people. Their daughter, Ann/Thea, is a peculiar girl. She reads far too much and gets along better with nature than people. While her mother indulges her, her father worries for her health and hires a physician to "cure" her or her abnormalities. Once the young landscaper arrives, it becomes evident that he is not just there to build a garden, but to use his expertise to exact revenge for his secret employer.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Meneer Chrome who is a famed Dutch landscaper. He takes a job in England with the goal of transforming the overgrown lawn of the Smithers family into a one-of-a-kind, modern, garden. As he works on the project, he becomes interested in his boss's eccentric daughter while her mother becomes interested in him. Ewan speaks in a Dutch and English accent for this role but mainly Dutch. I'm not familiar with Dutch accents but I'm going to be bold and say that his was terrible. It annoyed the crap out of me! I couldn't take it seriously, it was forced, and completely took me out of the movie every time he opened his mouth. I would've enjoyed this movie a lot more if he didn't have to use that god awful accent. He has a female love interest and two kiss scenes. One is with a man and the other is with a woman . He also does some flirting with his boss's wife. There's an implied sex scene and implied nudity. You do get to briefly see him shirtless though. He wears a wig and you also get to see the worst haircut he has ever had in a movie to date. His performance isn't very good. There were a couple moments where it felt like I was listening to him recite lines from a paper. It didn't seem like he was all in for this project but decided to coast through. This might be a nit-pick but it's not a spoiler: not long after we meet his character he randomly tosses his wig off for no discernable reason and he never puts it back on. Nobody says anything about it. All the men of high class wore wigs in the movie so I assumed for a man to walk around wigless in front of high society would be deemed offensive. Anyway, I don't know what the point of that scene was.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 44/106 minutes making his SP 42%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? No. Although he is in much of the movie, he just doesn't do a lot nor is he interesting. Honestly, the character is boring. I wouldn't turn this on for Ewan. Is the movie worth watching in general? Sadly, it's another no from me. In all fairness, it's so weird that it charmed me a little but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I don't know what audience this movie was made for.

Warning before Watching: There is a whole incest subplot in the movie. There aren't any sex scenes or anything but the movie makes sure you know they're related so keep that in mind. In a scene where Thea is overcome with emotion she intentionally cuts her face. The scenes of her being "cured" of her "illness" by the physician could also be uncomfy to watch. There's nothing graphic but you do hear her scream in pain and just the general treatment of this character is sad. Lastly, you see someone die from poison.

Where to Watch: "The Serpent's Kiss" is available to stream for free on Tubi, Sling TV, Redbox, Amazon Prime Video, and Freevee. It's also currently uploaded for free to YouTube. Just search "The Serpent's Kiss Full action Movie Drama Ewan McGregor".

The Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage (EMSP) List

I thought it'd be helpful to make a list for the movies that I've reviewed so far. I will update it as new reviews are posted. Unfortunately, I'm not yet able to add links to direct you to the full review. The letters EMSP stand for " Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage" which is how long he spends on screen in a given movie. It is ordered from his highest screentime percentage to lowest. I hope this helps those looking for a new Ewan movie to watch!

Young Adam (2003): 70% (69 / 1 hr. 38 min.)

2. Rogue Trader (1999): 69% (65 / 1 hr. 34 min.)

3. Nora (2000): 56% (60 / 1 hr. 47 min.)

4. Trainspotting (1996): 55% (52 / 1 hr. 34 min.)

5. Nightwatch (1997): 51% (52 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

6. A Life Less Ordinary (1997): 51% (53 / 1 hr. 44 min.)

7. Eye of the Beholder (1999): 47% (48 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

8. Down with Love (2003): 46% (47 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

9. Shallow Grave (1994): 44% (41 / 1 hr. 33 min.)

10. The Serpent's Kiss (1997): 42% (44 / 1 hr. 46 min.)

11. Moulin Rouge! (2001): 40% (51 / 2 hrs. 8 min.)

12. Brassed Off (1996): 24% (26 / 1 hr. 47 min.)

13. Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002): 23% (33 / 2 hrs. 22 min)

14. Blue Juice (1995): 22% (22 / 1 hr. 39 min)

15. The Pillow Book (1996): 22% (28 / 2 hrs. 7 min.)

16. Nothing but the Truth (1995): 21% (21 / 1 hr. 41 min.)

17. Velvet Goldmine (1998): 17% (20 / 1 hr. 58 min.)

18. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999): 17% (23 / 2 hrs. 16 min.)

19. Little Voice (1998): 14% (14 / 1 hr. 37 min)

20. Doggin' Around (1995): 11% (10 / 1 hr. 29 min.)

21. Emma (1996): 11% (13 / 2 hrs. 1 min.)

22. Being Human (1994): 2% (2 / 2 hrs. 2 min.)

10. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Nightwatch (1997)

New year, new movies! In 1997, Ewan starred in three movies and all of them had some pretty bizarre plots lol. Let's start at the beginning with "Nightwatch"!

Genre: Horror/Mystery

Rating: R

Director: Ole Bornedal

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Nick Nolte, Josh Brolin

Synopsis: "Nightwatch" follows Martin Bells, a college student, who takes a job as the new night watchman at a morgue at the same time a serial rapist/murderer is on the loose. As the police hunt for the criminal, and more evidence is brought to light, Martin comes to the terrifying realization that he is their prime suspect!

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the main character Martin Bells. Martin is in college as a law student and is best friends with a mean, sexist, and inconsiderate (the list could go on) prick. Ewan has a female love interest and they have a couple kissing scenes as well as a really tender moment early in the movie. He speaks with an American English accent which isn't too shabby except when he gets scared and then he pretty much drops it lol. Speaking of scared, he spends a lot of the movie screaming, and crying. He has a bathing scene with no real nudity but if you pause at just the right time it's possible to see his package from afar. He also gets a public handjob, beat up, bit, and bound. In other words, you get a slew of very weak, vulnerable, and submissive Ewan content.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 52/102 minutes making his SP 51%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan content? Yes. Is the movie worth watching in general? Yes. Caveat: if you wish to be entertained then the movie will entertain you. But it espouses such harmful views of women that you might not be able to look past it and enjoy the story.

Warning before Watching: there is a violent murder within the first 3 minutes of the movie and another towards the end. There are close ups of mutilated, naked, dead bodies and lots and lots of blood. The movie is also incredibly sexist and revels in cruelty against women.

Where to Watch: You can stream the movie for free on Pluto TV or soap2day. It's available for rent on YouTube, Amazon Prime Video, Google Play Movies, and Fandango at Home.

Closing Thoughts: This movie is in the horror genre seemingly because of the gore and suspense. The true horror of this film is the misogyny and general treatment of women. I was more disturbed and disgusted by the way the male characters interacted with the female characters. Mind you, this movie is not a cautionary tale. It is not about the pitfalls of sexism. The male characters do not receive comeuppance for their behavior. It is treated as natural. It is celebrated. We are to understand and sympathize with these chauvinists. We are to find humor in their hatred and charm in their cruelty. The funny thing is, you could (and I did) read a homoerotic subtext within the relationship of the two male best friends because they truly only love each other while their female love interests are just an afterthought. This movie is gross for all the wrong reasons and I will not be watching it again.

9. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Brassed Off (1996)

We made it to our last movie of 1996 and boy, is it a good one!

Some fun facts before we begin!

Pete Gunn has a minor role in the movie as the character Simmo. You might remember that he worked alongside Ewan in the movie "Blue Juice"!

While the movie takes place in the village Grimley, the story is actually inspired by the mining village Grimethorpe whose pit was closed just three years before the movie released.

The Grimethorpe Colliery Band performed all the band numbers in the movie.

Ewan's character plays a tenor horn in the band. I think it's a fun fact because when Ewan was a teenager, he played the French horn!

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Mark Herman

Starring: Pete Postlethwaite, Tara Fitzgerald, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: "Brassed Off" is about the 1980s pit closures in the United Kingdom. It takes place in Grimley, a coal mining village, that is next on the chopping block to have it's colliery shut down. The village is also home to the Grimley Colliery Band which has existed for 100 years and the characters are all part of. But with the possibility of the pit closing comes the possibility of the end of the band for good. Band leader Danny (Pete Postlethwaite) challenges the men to fight one last time to win the National Brass Band Competition in London. When Gloria (Tara Fitzgerald), a former resident of Grimley, makes a surprise return to the village, she joins the band and sets out to bring hope to the weary miners.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Andy Barrows, a coal miner and member of the local band. Andy is initially excited to be reunited with Gloria as the two had a former romance. However, when he learns why Gloria has been keeping her return a secret, he becomes unsure whether he can trust her or if they were ever meant to be. Ewan wears an earring in this role and speaks with a Yorkshire accent. His character is broody so expect a lot of scowls which is a change of pace from his many smiley characters. He has an implied sex scene and a makeout scene. His acting, along with the rest of the cast, gets an A+ from me!

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 26/107 minutes making his SP 24%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? No. He already doesn't have much to do in this movie and he's part of an ensemble cast so the story is spread out over several different characters. Honestly, I found myself more interested in other storylines than his. He's good when he's on screen and is nice to look at but this just isn't a Ewan content heavy role. Is the movie worth watching in general? Absolutely! This movie has an amazing story, the actors have great chemistry, the music is phenomenal, and you get to learn in an intimate way about an important time in history. I can tell you that before watching this movie I didn't know anything about the miner strikes or pit closures. Now, I'm reading up on the history!

Warning before watching: There is a suicide attempt scene.

Where to Watch: "Brassed Off" is available for rent on YouTube, Fandango at Home, and Amazon Prime Video. You can also watch it for free on soap2day.

Closing Thoughts: This movie so creatively weaves together a story of anger, depression, and hope. The characters are fleshed out and feel real. You hurt for their plight and root for their fight. The movie has a bittersweet ending. I applaud the director, Mark Herman, for sharing with the world the harm done to the miners of the U.K. and their perseverance through it all.

8. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Emma (1996)

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: PG

Director: Douglas McGrath

Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, Toni Collette

Synopsis: "Emma" is a movie based on the Jane Austen novel of the same name. It boasts a large cast of talented and recognizable actors. Several of them will go on to work with Ewan again in future projects. The movie is about Emma Woodhouse, a young socialite. Although she is an available bachelorette, she enjoys secretly matchmaking couples in her town instead of finding love for herself. She believes greatly in her matchmaking skills, though her pride and naivety cause her to fumble more often than not. When Emma befriends Harriet Smith, a debutante with unknown family heritage, she makes it her mission to find her new friend a fitting husband. Instead, she finds herself more trouble than she knows what to do with.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Frank Churchill. Frank is the stepson of Emma's friend and former governess, Mrs. Weston. He is a charming young man who thrives on being the center of attention. When he arrives in town to visit his father, the townswomen immediately become enamored with the handsome bachelor. Even Emma, who previously thought she was not interested in marriage, can't help being swept off her feet by the gentlemen's advances. Ewan wears a wig in this role I believe because his hair would still be short from filming "Trainspotting." It's not a bad wig but there were some moments where I had to squint and say "yeah, I don't think that's his hair" lol. He uses an English accent for this role and honestly, it doesn't sound very good. He's done English accents before but this one just doesn't sound natural, especially compared to his co-stars. He sings twice in the movie! He performs two duets and the first one always makes me laugh because of how he randomly jumps in. He's also in a dance scene which was really fun. As far as his performance, it's nothing special in my opinion. Again, maybe it's because he was surrounded by a large cast of talented actors, but he didn't seem to shine like he normally does. Or maybe he was tired from filming four movies back to back and the fatigue had begun to set in. Luckily, since his character is a minor one, it doesn't really matter and I still had a good time watching him.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 13/121 minutes making his SP 11%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? My opinion is no. He's a fun perk that you get with the movie but I wouldn't turn it on just to see him. Is the movie worth watching in general? Yes! It's fun. It's cute. It has a happy ending for everyone. It even won two Oscars for best movie score and costume design. It's a calm, low stimulating movie that's still entertaining.

Where to Watch: "Emma" is currently available for rent on YouTube and can be streamed on Amazon Prime Video if you have a subscription.

Conclusion: If you like period pieces then I think you'd like "Emma". It's a beautiful movie and a nice change of pace from the overstimulating movies of today.

7. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: The Pillow Book (1996)

Genre: Erotic/Romance

Rating: Un-Rated

Director: Peter Greenaway

Starring: Vivian Wu, Yoshi Oida, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: "The Pillow Book" is an erotic film about a woman, Nagiko, who has a fetish for men writing on her body. What started as an innocent tradition of her father writing on her for her birthday, evolved into an obsession with finding the perfect calligrapher / lover. Nagiko also aspires to be a writer like her namesake, Sei Shonagon, the author of The Pillow Book. After she is rejected by a book publisher who sexually assaulted her father she instead decides to walk the path of revenge.

Ewan Review: Ewan McGregor plays the character Jerome, a bisexual English translator. He is chosen by Nagiko to help with her revenge unbeknownst to him. He is completely nude several times in the film, has a female and male love interest, and sex scenes with both of them. He has an English accent for the movie and has a couple lines in French and Japanese. Another fun fact: you might notice that he's pretty slender in this role and that's because he was in the process of losing weight for his role in "Trainspotting".

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 28/127 minutes making his SP 22%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is this movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? Yes! Did I mention the nudity? Is it worth watching in general? I say yes. I know this movie won't be for everyone. It's a weird story, highly erotic, and has slow pacing. Still, I enjoy it and wouldn't dissuade someone from watching.

Where to Watch: "The Pillow Book" is currently available to rent through YouTube.

Movie Warnings: There are some things that happen in the movie that you might want to be aware of before committing to watching it. Nudity nudity and more nudity! Women and men are naked and yes that includes seeing their genitals. There are a LOT of penises in this movie. There's blackmail via sexual assault as well as a suicide scene, skin cutting, blood, and defiling of a dead body.

Conclusion: The Pillow Book" is a beautiful work of art. Though it is a weird story, it's also interesting and captures your attention. Though it's highly erotic, the eroticism adds value to the story and isn't there just for shock. And while the pacing may be slow, it allows the viewer to absorb information and appreciate the visual storytelling. I encourage you to open your mind and give it a chance. Like Nagiko, you just might learn something new about yourself.

6. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Trainspotting (1996)

We've made it to another year and it's a big one! That's right, Ewan only had two projects in 1995, but that's because our boy was extremely busy in '96. He released FOUR movies that year! What's really wild is that isn't even his record number for movies released in one year. 😱

A quick fun fact before we get started: The producer of "Trainspotting", Andrew Macdonald, has a cameo in the movie as a prospective renter. He was also the producer for "Shallow Grave"!

Genre: Crime/Drama

Rating: R

Director: Danny Boyle

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Jamie Lee Miller, Ewen Bremner, Robert Carlyle, Kevin McKidd, Kelly McDonald

Movie Review: The movie "Trainspotting" reunited Danny Boyle as director, John Hodge as screenwriter, and Ewan McGregor as leading man. "It is about a group of friends/heroin addicts living day to day in Edinburgh, Scotland. Their only goal is to score their next hit of the drug by any means necessary. The story is told from the perspective of the main character, Mark Renton, who attempts and struggles at getting clean. The movie is essentially a day in the life of an addict. Like a train wreck, you can't look away, even as the characters speed towards death. It's unflinchingly honest, gritty and captivating. It was also a smash hit! Nowadays, people primarily know Ewan McGregor for his role as Obi-Wan Kenobi but may not know that his role in Trainspotting is what actually launched his career.

Ewan Review: Ewan McGregor plays the main character Mark Renton aka Renton. Renton is a junkie who loves being a junkie. For him, there is no greater pleasure than being high. Though he sometimes realizes that sobriety is the better choice, he can't help but to fall back into addiction. He's a selfish asshole (a recurring theme with Ewan characters) who is friends with selfish assholes. Renton also has a sexual relationship with a child. The movie doesn't frame this relationship negatively or explore any repercussions so do with that information as you will. Ewan gives a stellar performance and even lost around thirty pounds for the role!

Screentime Percentage (Numbers are rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan is on screen for a total of 52/94 minutes making his SP 55%. This is his highest score yet!

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan McGregor content alone? Yes. Is it worth watching in general? Yes. Fair warning, the movie can be dry-heave inducing. There's nudity, graphic depictions of drug use, lots of blood, two feces scenes, and decaying bodies.

Where to Watch: "Trainspotting" is currently for rent on YouTube or you can watch it for free on soap2day. You can also stream it if you have a subscription to Paramount+, MGM+, or Amazon Prime Video.

Conclusion: "Trainspotting" is a movie deserving of its accolades. The writing is phenomenal, the actors gave it their all, the soundtrack is perfect, and the opening monologue is iconic. It's my belief that everyone should watch this movie at least once.

5. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Blue Juice (1995)

Before we start, I have to give a disclaimer. For some reason, there are two different runtimes for this movie. The first is 90 minutes and the second is 99. I don't know if the second is special edition or has extended scenes, but that's the one I watched so the Screentime Percentage will be based on that runtime.

Fun fact: Keith Allen has a minor role in this movie which is a fun fact because he worked alongside Ewan in Shallow Grave!

Genre: Comedy/Sport

Rating: R

Director: Carl Prechezer

Starring: Sean Pertwee, Catherine Zeta-Jones

Synopsis: "Blue Juice" is about J.C., a surfer and local legend, experiencing anxiety over growing older and settling down. With his 30th birthday on the horizon, his childhood friends make an unexpected visit and plunge his life into chaos. J.C. has to decide what's more important: the call to adventure or the call of love.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Dean Raymond. He's one of J.C's. friends and is a drug dealer. He wants to turn his life around but keeps hurting his friends in the process. He smiles and laughs a LOT and holds hands with another member of the friend group twice. He has long hair that's covered by a hat the majority of the movie. The hat has the brand name Stüssy on it which made me smile because Ewan eventually plays a character with the last name Stussy. We also get to see him with a bloody face due to a fight scene. His performance was fine and I really liked his character's outfits.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 23/99 minutes making his SP 22%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan McGregor alone? Yes. Is the movie worth watching in general? Yes. This movie has grown on me a bit. Maybe I relate to the characters' internal struggles of life moving too fast, the fear of stagnating, no longer finding joy in your career, or allowing anxiety to rob you of new experiences now that I'm older.

Where to Watch: "Blue Juice" is currently free to watch with ads on YouTube.

Conclusion: It's cute and has some interesting themes it wants to explore. I just don't think it explores them well. It's a pleasant movie but one that you randomly stumble upon while waiting at the dentist or airport, if that makes any sense.

4. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Nothing but the Truth (1995)

TRIGGER WARNING: In this review, I mention sexual violence because that is what this movie is about. I don't go into great detail. Still, if the topic of sexual violence/assault is triggering for you then this is your warning to scroll past.

Ewan McGregor's first project of 1995 was the pilot episode of British television series Kavanagh Q.C. titled "Nothing but the Truth." You might be asking yourself, "television series? I thought those were going to be excluded?" You're right and the reason I included this episode in our movie review list is because it has a runtime of an HOUR AND FORTY-ONE MINUTES. Where I come from, we call that a movie. The episode is also a standalone project, meaning that you don't need to watch the whole series or even an additional episode to finish the plot or understand the narrative. Everything you need to know for the episode happens in the episode.

A couple fun facts before we get started!

In this project, Ewan works alongside Geraldine James again. You might remember her from our previous review as the ex-jazz singer in "Doggin' Around." I thought that was cool! Here, she plays Eleanor Harker Q.C. (Queen's Counsel) who is the prosecutor attorney.

If you've ever heard Ewan say that he met his wife while working on a project, THIS is that project! This is where he met his first wife, Eve Mavrakis, who is credited as the Assistant Art Director. The episode aired January 3, 1995 and six months later they were wed.

Let's dive in!

Movie Review: "Nothing but the Truth" stars the late John Thaw as the titular Kavanagh Q.C. James Kavanagh is a senior barrister and arguably the best. While he couldn't be more adept at his job as a barrister, the same cannot be said for his job as a husband and father. The demands of these roles pull him in different directions and cause friction between him and his wife. The main plot is about an affluent young man accused of sexually assaulting the woman for whom he works. Naturally, it's a he said/she said situation. He claims that it was a consensual fling while she claims the opposite. The evidence corroborates both of their stories to an extent which makes it even harder to know who is being honest. As one of the best lawyers in Britain, Kavanagh is tasked with defending the accused. Unfortunately, defending a man accused of rape only creates more cracks in the foundation of his familial relationships. Armed with his intellect and belief in the inherent goodness of man, Kavanagh is determined to find nothing but the truth.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character David Armstrong who is our young man accused of sexual assault. He has a posh English accent and is incredibly soft-spoken. He also has a stutter which sounds a bit forced at times. This role is my absolute favorite for his long, silky, hair era! We get a few shots of it in the half-up/half-down style but for the majority of the film it's all down. They must have given him a full on blow out because that hair was thick, long, and luscious! His hair needed it's own acting credit. Ewan also showcases his acting skills really well in this role. I've felt for a long time that Ewan performs best in roles that require subtlety and he does a great job in this one. On a more critical note, even though he often plays characters who are depicted in a negative light, those stories tend to require you to suspend your disbelief. That is not the case with this movie. This is a serious topic and the movie handles it with the seriousness it deserves. If Ewan brings you comfort and you only engage with his more wholesome roles, then this might not be for you. There are no graphic depictions of sex in the movie but there is sexual audio twice and in the court scenes the characters go into detail about the incident.

Screentime Percentage (All numbers are rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 21/101 minutes making his SP 21%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is this movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? Yes, even with the low percentage! Again, his hair is *chef's kiss* 🤌. We get to see him sweaty and working in the dirt as well as dressed up in a three piece suit. There's also a brief makeout scene and shirtless scene. Is the movie worth watching in general? This is very difficult for me to say but my answer is no. My opinion is that the movie is /only/ worth watching for Ewan. If he wasn't in it or was in it even less then it'd be a skip for me. The premise is interesting but the movie can be slow in places. Also, maybe it's just because this was the pilot episode or the legal system being different in Britain, but there were significant issues not addressed in the court scenes that make the ending a little less satisfying. If you like crime shows, then you might like this regardless of the Ewan factor. But be warned, this is not a flashy, fast-paced drama like Law and Order SVU or Criminal Minds. It's an old, British, drama about an old lawyer.

Where to Watch: "Nothing but the Truth" is currently uploaded for free on YouTube through the channel "Ewan McGregor Vault". Just search "Kavanagh Q.C. Nothing But the Truth with Ewan McGregor". If you want to watch the full series, all episodes are also uploaded for free on a YouTube playlist through the channel "o p i u m 1". Just search "Kavanagh Qc".

Conclusion: "Nothing but the Truth" is a hidden gem in Ewan McGregor's career. Unlike other crime shows I've seen, this movie was unique in that there wasn't very much information the audience had that the characters didn't. You really have to pay attention, trust your gut, and hope the verdict is the right one. This also makes the movie great for rewatches because you'll start to notice things in the background that add to the story. I highly suggest watching this with another person because if you're like me, you're going to have a lot to talk about as the truth is revealed.

3. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Doggin' Around (1994)

This is Ewan's third and last movie of 1994. Three movies in one year is impressive for a burgeoning actor and that's not including the television series and short film he was in that year as well. Unfortunately, his last project of 1994 didn't end on a high note for me.

Movie Review: Doggin' Around is a television movie starring Elliot Gould and Geraldine James. The movie is about Joe Warren, an American jazz pianist, reluctantly performing a tour short notice in England's less than desirable venues after the main act suddenly dies. He is put in the care of ex-jazz singer, Sarah Williams, who has sworn to never sing on stage again. Though they don't get along at first, the duo slowly open up to each other as they work through problems from their past. On paper, the movie sounds fine, but the truth of the matter is this movie is so boring and the acting is god awful! First of all, Joe Warren is an insufferable character. I kept saying to myself "No one talks like that!" The delivery of every single line out of the actor's mouth sounds stilted and manufactured. He sounded like he wanted you to know he was acting which just takes you out of the movie because of how unnatural it is. For a character whose charm is supposed to come from his witty and sarcastic humor, there was not a single joke that landed for me. There was only one joke that got a positive reaction from me. Mind you, I didn't laugh. I just thought "that wasn't a bad joke." The movie is slow. Even though we follow Joe Warren on tour, the sets all look the same so it feels like we stay in one place the entire movie. Also, the visuals are grey and dull. The one good thing I will say about this film is that because it's about a jazz musician we get to hear a lot of jazz in the score and the selections are enjoyable.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays a minor role as the character Tom Clayton, a double bass player who still has a lot to learn about show business. He accompanies Joe Warren on tour as his bassist and is eager to make a name for himself even if it means stepping on Joe's toes. Ewan doesn't have a lot of lines in this role though it is fun to watch him energetically pretend to play a bass. He also has long silky hair which was becoming his staple hair style during this era. His performance was good though short.

Screentime Percentage (All numbers are rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 10/89 minutes making his SP 11%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is this movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? No. Is it worth watching in general? No.

Where to Watch: Doggin' Around is currently uploaded for free on YouTube through the account "Ewan McGregor Vault". Just search "Doggin' Around 1994, with Ewan McGregor". Be warned that the quality isn't great. There are a couple moments where the sound cuts in and out as well as one moment where the visuals briefly cut out.

Conclusion: This is my first really negative review so I want to remind everyone that this is just my opinion. This movie is a skip for me but others have given it some very positive reviews. Don't be afraid to give it a watch and come to your own conclusion. If you do, I'd love to hear your opinion! But if what you're looking for is Ewan content, then I'd suggest you look elsewhere.

2. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Shallow Grave (1994)

To celebrate Ewan McGregor's 53rd birthday I think it's only fitting to review his movie debut!

First, a couple fun facts about this movie. Shallow Grave will turn 30 years old on May 16th this year! 😱Also, this movie was released 10 days after Being Human which was our first review and had Ewan's first big screen role.

Alright, let's dive in!

Movie Review: Shallow Grave is a Drama/Thriller directed by Danny Boyle and also written by him and John Hodge. This was a movie of firsts. It marked Danny Boyle's debut as a feature film director, John Hodge's first screenplay, Ewan's big screen debut, and the beginning of a close working relationship between the three men. The reason I'm calling this movie Ewan's debut even though he was in a movie before this is because he was just an extra in that movie. In this one, he plays a leading role. The movie also stars Kerry Fox and Christopher Eccleston. Shallow Grave is about three friends living together who come across a large sum of money when their new housemate mysteriously dies. In deciding to keep the money, they have to outwit the police investigating the death, protect the money from others looking for it, and eventually, protect themselves from each other. The protagonists are all assholes which makes for a unique viewing experience because you're not necessarily rooting for them to win. This movie is vulgar, violent, and has lots of blood. There's a couple frontal nude shots and for those that like Christopher Eccleston, an ass shot. You also get to see Ewan in drag which is a plus in my book. Unfortunately, I think there's a brief depiction of blackface (not by Ewan) which shocked and greatly disappointed me. It's a blink and you'll miss it moment but let me know if you see it or if my eyes are playing tricks on me.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Alex Law. Like the other characters he is a grade A asshole and majored in sarcasm. Damn if he's not pretty though. His character is integral to the plot this time. Ewan does a phenomenal job playing Alex and I think the casting directors knew what they were doing because his good looks definitely help you forgive his more rough personality.

Screentime Percentage (All numbers are rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan has a grand total of 41/93 minutes making his SP 44%. If that still sounds low to you, keep in mind that his previous role was an abysmal 2%. Trust me when I say that when you watch the movie for yourself it will feel like he's in every scene because he's so connected to the plot.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is Shallow Grave worth watching for Ewan content alone? Yes yes yes! From the fantastic haircut, the super 90s outfits, the underwear shots, the drag, the post fight scene, and more! There is enough Ewan content to satisfy your soul. Is the movie worth watching in general? Another resounding YES! You can easily classify this movie as a Psychological/Thriller. I've watched it several times and find something new while also being left with more questions.

Where to Watch: Shallow Grave is currently uploaded for free on YouTube through the account "deejay bains". Just search "Shallow Grave 1994".

Conclusion: Shallow Grave is a passion project made by some plucky nobodies without a clue that it would start their careers down the path of success. It's charming, gripping, and has some good comedic moments. I would encourage you to watch this movie with friends. It's a fun time and will have you on the edge of your seat.

I'm getting a hoop earring like his today in honor of the man, the myth, the legend, my favorite actor, Ewan McGregor! 🥳💞💞🥳💞💞🥳

HAPPY EWAN MCGREGOR’S BIRTHDAY TO ALL THOSE WHO CELEBRATE

1. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Being Human (1994)

EDITING NOTE: I didn't realize until a week after I posted this that I grossly miscalculated the Screentime Percentage. I'm sorry for that oversight and the correct SP is now posted in the review.

Our first review is here! 🎉

Being Human is our inaugural Ewan McGregor movie review and stars the late, great, Robin Williams.

Funny enough, if this movie came out ten or even five years later then I would have put it in the "guest appearance" category and not written a review. That's how small Ewan's role was lol. However, I felt that it was only fair to start with this one because....this is Ewan's first ever movie role! That's right, you'd be forgiven for thinking his first movie role was in "Shallow Grave" but his career started far more humbly lol.

Movie Review: Being Human is about a soul, Hector, that we watch be reincarnated into five different lives over the span of centuries. He lives as a caveman, Roman slave, Scotsman, Portuguese man, and finally, a modern family man. Throughout his lives, he experiences hardships and must decide how to handle them, though he doesn't always make the right decision. He also crosses paths with a couple of other people from his past lives. This movie is veryyyy slow. It's two hours of literally watching someone live their life no matter how mundane some moments of life are. However, the movie is also heartfelt and feels strangely nostalgic even though I never watched it growing up. I also really like the concept of the soul reincarnating and getting the chance to redo past mistakes. Watching this movie a second time definitely made me appreciate it more and the beauty that lies in a life simply lived.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays a character named Alvarez who has been shipwrecked with Hector. He has a whopping three, that's right, THREE lines! His character is not integral to the story and if you didn't know he was in the movie then you probably wouldn't even notice him. He looks much older than his actual 22 years as well, especially considering how he looks in his next project "Shallow Grave."

Screentime Percentage (the numbers here have been rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 2/122 minutes making his SP a lowly 2%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is this movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? Absolutely not. Is the movie worth watching? Yes, though the slow pacing is not for everybody.

Conclusion: Being Human is a quiet and contemplative film about life, our place in it, and how our love can span lifetimes. If you're a fan of Robin Williams and you have two hours to spare then I would encourage you to give it a watch. I rented the movie through YouTube which was the only place I could find it online.

P.S. if you do decide to watch the movie and just want to see Ewan, his first appearance is at 1:6:30 and last at 1:19:42. You can also watch one of his speaking lines on YouTube posted by the account Ewan McGregor Vault (where the image below is from).

New Venture!

For those that care, I'm pressing pause on writing fics for now. I already haven't been writing regularly due to changes in my personal life. I still might drop some here and there though. That brings me to a new idea I've been brainstorming: reviewing Ewan McGregor movies!

Now you might be thinking that's not very original and you'd be correct. @palfriendpatine66 has reviews of some of Ewan's movies and you should check them out! However, I want to do something slightly different. A friend of mine jokingly mentioned they wished that there was a way to see how much screentime Ewan was in so they could decide if the movie was worth their time. I've also seen this sentiment shared a few times here on Tumblr. So I thought it'd be fun to go through his filmography and tally the minutes of screentime myself!

Here's the plan. I will be reviewing movies and TV movies starting with his first role and working towards the present or for however long I stay invested. Cameos and guest appearances will be excluded. Also excluded are TV shows and documentaries. So Halston, the Long Way series, and such won't be reviewed here. The movie reviews will include a tally at the end of how many minutes of screentime Ewan was in compared to how long the movie was. That number will then be converted to a percentage. Example: Ewan had 30/60 minutes of screentime. His screentime percentage is 50%.

I'm very excited and would love to hear y'all's thoughts on the idea!

Bought my first Ewan McGregor movie at the thrift store!!!

I randomly decided to look through the DVDs today and I saw this gem! Here's to the beginning of my Ewan McGregor movie collection🍻 @palfriendpatine66

So This is Love

Movie: Beginners (2010)

Characters: Oliver Fields x Fem!Reader

Oneshot / Ficlet

Word Count: 531

Synopsis: Oliver reflects on the moment that he realized he loves you.

//This is my girlfriend. The love of my life. This is her when she’s happy.//

“Oliver, this better not be a prank.” You chuckled hesitantly. You had just got off from work when your boyfriend, Oliver, called you. He said that he had something to show you and it couldn't wait. When you got to his house, you were greeted by him and his dog Arthur waiting at the door for you. He had both hands behind his back and a cheeky grin on his face. Now, you found yourself blindfolded and being led by his hand. Although your boyfriend tended to be quiet and reserved, he still surprised you with bursts of spontaneity.

“Don't worry, I promise this isn't a prank…this time.” He jokingly reassured you. As he led you up the stairs and down the hallway, he smiled from ear to ear at the knowledge of what lay behind his bedroom door. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this giddy. He loved that you brought out this childish joy in him. “Here we are.” He said as he opened the door and gently pulled you inside.

You felt Oliver move behind you and untie your blindfold. When it came off, you blinked a couple times to adjust to the light. You were standing in front of the bed and your eyes were immediately drawn to the tiny ball of fluff on the covers. It was the most adorable calico kitten wearing a tiny red bow.

“Ta-da!” Oliver whispered in your ear as he placed a small peck on your cheek.

Your mind couldn't conjure any words. It was only a week ago that you told Oliver about your childhood cat and how you had to leave her behind when your family moved states. You shared how it broke your heart to give her away and you never forgot her. Now, you walked towards the bed and scooped up the kitty who began nuzzling into your neck.

“Told you it wasn't a prank.” Oliver said while smiling proudly.

Finally, your mouth caught up to your brain but as you turned to your boyfriend all you could utter was, “How?”

“My boss’s cat had a litter and this little one was the only one left without a home.” He explained. “It was such perfect timing that I felt it had to be a sign...do you like her?”

With tears in your eyes you exclaimed, “Oh, Oliver, I love her!” You couldn't believe you’d won the boyfriend lottery. How lucky and loved you felt to have such a thoughtful partner. You turned your attention back to the kitten and gently kissed her little head. The kitty replied with a soft chirp and started trying to climb up your shirt. You cooed at the rambunctious little rascal and closed your eyes in laughter.

Leaning on the doorframe, Oliver soaked in your happiness. Your laughter was the most beautiful sound to his ears. Your smile warmed his heart like the sun. It was at that moment, he knew that he would move heaven and earth if it meant you could stay like this. At that moment, he knew that he loved you.

For the last week, I've been working on an Oliver x reader fanfic and tonight I finished it! I'll be posting it tomorrow. A wonderful coincidence that this came across my dash. 😁

Ewan McGregor & Mélanie Laurent

Beginners (2010)

Only the Shadows Know

Movie: Mortdecai (2015)

Characters: Inspector Alistair Martland

Oneshot / Yandere / Drabble

Word Count: 100

Synopsis: While her husband is away, Martland pays Johanna a secret visit.

A/N: So of course the moment I said that wanted to write at least once a week, I didn't touch the computer for a full month 🤦‍♂️. Well, no better time than the present to start again! I wasn't feeling any inspiration and didn't know who to write about. Finally, I realized that inspiration isn't something that's always there. Sometimes, you have to just sit down and start writing. Otherwise, you may be waiting for inspiration for an eternity lol. This is my first yandere. I've become interested in the genre and wanted to give it a shot. This is only drabble so it's very short but dang! Writing exactly 100 words was way more challenging than I expected lol.

Martland gazed lovingly at the woman deep in slumber before him. His desire to see her, to protect her, outweighed the risk of being caught. Besides, the sleeping pill he encouraged her to take was doing its job well. How could Mortdecai roam the world and leave his most valuable treasure defenseless? “I would never leave you, my love.” He softly muttered to himself. One day, he will confess his devotion to his angel and she will understand her place is with him. But for now, as he hides in the dark recesses of her room, only the shadows know.

Twins?

Movie: The Island (2005)

Character: Lincoln Six Echo

Oneshot/Ficlet

Word Count: 382

Synopsis: Lincoln Six Echo encounters twins for the first time.

A/N: I am thinking about making a collection of oneshots for this character centered around his first experiences in the real world. Maybe call it “Firsts” or something. I also want to challenge myself to write a fic once a week so that I can improve my writing.

Lincoln Six Echo was taking a morning stroll on his local park’s walking path. His best friend, Jordan Two Delta, was still asleep when he left the house. Although they normally did everything together, he loved how peaceful she looked while sleeping and didn't want to wake her. He breathed in the fresh morning air and smiled at the joggers that passed him by. At the Institute, the clones participated in daily morning exercises. The harsh overhead lights and frigid air conditioning of the Institute could never compare to the soft glow of the rising sun and the cool gentle breeze of the outside world.

He then saw a woman walking towards him and pushing two large connected chairs with wheels. A "stroller" he remembered learning from Jordan Two Delta who loved talking to mothers at the park. Each chair seated a young child and as the woman drew closer, he noticed the children were dressed in matching outfits. Oh, Jordan is going to love hearing about this! He smiled at the woman and then realized that the children weren't just dressed the same, they looked exactly the same!

"I have never seen a clone this young at the Institute before. And the Institute was destroyed weeks ago, so where did she get a clone?" Lincoln wondered.

The woman smiled back at Lincoln and he stopped her before she passed him.

“Excuse me, ma’am! Your-your child has a clone. How is that possible?”

The woman looked dumbfounded at Lincoln, then at her children, then back at Lincoln before bursting into laughter. “You know what?” She laughed, “I've never heard twins called clones before but I guess they technically are! I'm going to start saying that just to mess with people. You have a good day, sir! And with that, she continued on her way.

Lincoln was just as confused as he was before but he didn't want to chase the lady down for answers. "Twins, she said. Is a twin like a clone but not a clone? What is the difference?" Lincoln pondered. If only McCord was still alive. He always had the answer. Maybe Jordan could help him understand.

"The more I learn about this world the stranger it seems." He thought. Lincoln shook his head and started back home.

Puppy Break

Movie: The Island (2005)

Character: Lincoln Six Echo/Reader

Synopsis: You bring Lincoln Six Echo with you to the dog pound and he has a grave misunderstanding of what the purpose of a pound is.

A/N: I absolutely adore this character and see myself in him a bit. It’s a shame that he doesn’t receive more love in fandom. This story took longer than I expected and evolved way beyond its initial idea. Still, it was super fun to write! Hope you enjoy!

Your eyes snap open from peaceful slumber. You could have sworn you heard scratching at your door like a mole trying to dig its way into your room. You contemplate investigating the sound but the bed covers lull you back to its warm embrace. Obviously a mole isn’t trying to get into your room. The sound was probably just the remnants of a dream. You settle back down to rest and begin drifting off to dreamland when-

Whineee bark bark!

Okay, you definitely aren’t dreaming and that definitely isn’t a mole. You begrudgingly exit your bed to see the critter that found its way into your home. As you make your way to the door, you hear your housemate and friend, Lincoln Six Echo, urgently shushing, "Please be quiet, little one! My friend does not like being woken up so early."

You open the door and ask, “Lincoln, what on earth is going on out here?” You catch Lincoln crouched with his back towards you halfway from your door trying to make a sneaky exit.

“Uh-oh, too late” Lincoln says sheepishly. He slowly turns around and smiles proudly while holding out a small puppy cradled in his hands. “I have a new friend!” The puppy barked as if to confirm what Lincoln said as true.

“Uh, where did you find a puppy, Lincoln?” You question. You love puppies but at this moment you’re worried that it might belong to someone missing their furry friend.

“He found me! I went outside to take out the trash and he was sitting in front of the door. He kept following me and wanted to come inside so now we are friends!” The puppy interrupted Lincoln with a whine and squirmed wildly to get out of his grasp. Upon setting the pup down he immediately went to squat and your eyes widened in horror as you realized why he was so fussy.

“NONONO!” You cried out and picked up the pup mid poop to run outside where he continued his “business”. You rubbed your temple in exasperation. You loved Lincoln. You really did. But he somehow had an uncanny ability to bring chaos to your mundane life. The pup began sniffing around the yard and you cooed at him to get his attention. He bounded over to you and you scratched his tiny head. Lincoln sat next to you and you showed him how to gently pet the pup. The puppy seemed to enjoy all the attention and rolled over on his back with his tail wagging energetically. You then noticed that “he” is actually a “she.”

“Looks like your new friend is a girl.” you chuckle.

“Really? how do you know?” Lincoln asked with a puzzled expression.

“Well, uhh, you know- look, I’ll explain later just trust me on this.”

“Oh, Okay! So, can we keep her?”

You scratch under the puppy’s chin. She has a stubby tail and is white with a brown spot on her back, a white muzzle, and brown face and ears with a white stripe between her eyes. You recognize her breed as a Jack Russell Terrier.

“First, we have to see if she belongs to anybody. Someone might be looking for her. You don’t want to steal someone’s friend, right?

"You turned and looked at him.

“No, I don’t want to do that” he said slowly. “But, if no one is looking for her, then can we keep her?” he looked at you optimistically.

You didn’t want to ruin his enthusiasm. Sure, puppies are cute and fun to play with but they are also a huge responsibility. However, it was difficult to tell him no considering the hardships he has faced. Plus, your heart was warmed seeing Lincoln be showered with puppy kisses. Maybe it would be helpful for him to learn how to take of something else. But is a puppy the right thing for such a task? You were already taking care of Lincoln and helping him get acclimated to life outside the Institute. Adding a puppy to the mix might be too much mental strain for him and financial strain for you. There was so much to contemplate and you didn’t yet know how to explain all this to Lincoln. So, you decided to let him down gently when the time was right. For now, you give him a simple “I’ll think about it.” Surely by tomorrow he will have found another new friend. You and Lincoln play with the pup outside for a bit and feed her some bits of leftover chicken before walking around the neighborhood asking if anyone was missing their dog. To your dismay (and Lincoln’s relief), no one had lost a Jack Russell puppy.

“Yay we can keep her we can keep her!” Lincoln chanted triumphantly.

“Hold on Lincoln, I said I’d think about it. Besides, there’s one more place we need to go. If there’s any information on this pup, then it’ll be at the dog pound.”

“What’s a dog pound?” Lincoln queried.

“It’s where lost dogs go so their owners can find them.”

“Huh, ok.” You could see Lincoln mulling over what you just told him. You expected him to ask another question until it seemed he decided against it with a quick shake of his head. You both got into your car with the puppy sitting in Lincoln’s lap and drove to the local pound. When you got there, the two of you went inside and walked to the front desk to talk to the receptionist.

“Good morning, how may I help you?” the receptionist greeted you both with a warm smile. She was wearing scrubs with puppies and kittens on them which seemed to put Lincoln a bit at ease.

“Hello” you began, “my friend here found this puppy in our yard earlier today. We’ve asked our neighbors if she belongs to them but we’ve had no luck so far. I was wondering if anyone has called or come up here looking for a lost puppy?”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t received any calls or heard anything about a lost puppy thus far. But, if you’d like, I can take her to the back and see if she’s been chipped. If she has then we can pull up her owner’s information and contact them right away.”

The receptionist finished explaining and held her hands out to Lincoln to take the pup. Lincoln protectively wrapped his arms tighter around the puppy and looked at you with worry in his eyes.

“Can’t I go with her? What if she gets scared?” he asked.

“It’s okay, Lincoln.” you reassure him. “You need to let the nice lady do her job so she can help us. She won’t be gone long.” this time, you hold your hands out. Lincoln sighed and relinquished the pup into your hands then you turned and passed her to the patient receptionist.

“Don’t worry, sir. I’ll take good care of her and be back before you know it.” She flashed another smile then walked through the door behind her desk.

You patted Lincoln’s shoulder and gave him a soft smile. “How about we take a look at the other dogs here while we wait?” you hoped that this would provide a nice distraction for Lincoln.

“There are other dogs here?” Lincoln looked at you quizzically.

“Yeah, remember, I told you that this is where lost dogs go. According to that sign up ahead they’re just down the hallway.” You motion to Lincoln to follow you and begin walking down the hallway. The sound of dogs barking grew louder and you soon see the first of several metal gates that line the corridor on both sides. You walk up to an elderly golden retriever who lazily wags its tail and ambles toward the gate. You kneel down to let it sniff your hand. You were so focused on the dog that you didn’t notice Lincoln frozen in place with a look of fear plastered on his face.

“Why are they locked up? Who did this to them?” Lincoln’s voice is soft and quivering. Looking at these sweet animals, he was reminded of his life at the Institute and being locked away from the world. Even the metal bars preventing the clamoring dogs from being pet reminded him of the ever watchful guards telling him to “watch his proximity.”

You look up at him with confusion written on your face. “They’re not locked up, Link. This is just for their and our safety. Trust me, the staff take very good care of them. You stand up to walk toward Lincoln and he takes a step back. “Lincoln, what’s wrong? What are you thinking about?” You were concerned for your friend. He doesn’t talk much about his life at the Institute but sometimes when he has a nightmare or a panic attack over something that seems normal to you, he opens up a bit. You feel that this is one of those moments that he is being reminded of his past life. You just hope that he will confide in you so that you can put his fears to rest. Before he can answer, the receptionist peeks her head down the hall and calls to you both. You make a mental note to continue this conversation later and head back down the hall into the main entrance. You cross your fingers that the puppy has a home somewhere.

“So I scanned this sweet girl and it doesn’t look like she’s registered to a home. Sounds to me like she was meant to be with you.” She looked at Lincoln and gave him a playful wink. She continued, “Would you like to be her forever home or would you rather leave her with us?”

“Yes, we’ll take her!” Lincoln thrust his arms out to take the puppy back when you step in front of him.

“Actually, could you give us a minute to think it over, please?” you ask.

The lady nods and says, “I’ll give you two some privacy. I’ll be back here whenever you’re ready.” and walked back through the door.

“Hey! you said-” Lincoln starts but you interrupt him.

“I said I’ll THINK about it, Lincoln. That doesn’t mean yes!” Lincoln lowers his head and you mentally kick yourself for your words coming out hasher than you wanted but you know it’s time to rip off the band-aid.

“Listen, Lincoln” you say with a softer tone, “I know you want this puppy very badly, but you don’t understand how big of a responsibility they are. If you want a pet, I’ll get you one, but we need to start smaller than a dog.” you tenderly place your hand on his shoulder and hope he understands where you’re coming from. Instead, he catches you off guard with a question.

“What does chipped mean?” Lincoln slowly meets your eyes. “The lady said that if puppy was chipped then they can contact her owner. What is a chip?”

You’re a bit surprised at his question and why he’s thinking about that right now but answer slowly, “a chip is a very tiny tracker that is inserted under the skin of an animal. It contains their information like where they live and who to call if they’re lost. It’s for their safety.”

“Just like my tracker was for my safety?” Lincoln looked at you with a new resolve and wrapped his fingers around his wrist mimicking a bracelet. The one he and all the other clones were forced to wear so that their movements would always be under surveillance. The one that ensured no one ever escaped. The one that you removed when, just like this lost puppy, he wound up on your doorstep searching for a friend. Just as it dawns on you why he was so tense earlier and the significance of what you just explained to him, Lincoln exclaimed, “This is just the Institute all over again! We can’t leave her here! We have to help them before it’s too late!” and with that Lincoln burst through the receptionist’s door, ran to her, and snatched the puppy out of her hands. The poor woman could do nothing but shriek in surprise. Lincoln turned toward the entrance door to escape but something caught his eye: a big red lever on the wall beside the receptionist’s door that read “Pull for Emergency.” Unfortunately for everyone, Lincoln could’t read, but he was hoping that this big red lever hidden behind the door was just what he needed to free his doggy friends. With one hand he cradled the puppy and with the other he pulled the lever.

You were taken aback by how quickly Lincoln moved to rescue his puppy friend. “Lincoln, STOP! What are you doing?” you shouted! But it was like he couldn’t hear you. As he ran back toward you, you saw him briefly hesitate while staring at the wall in front of him and then pull something. Immediately, alarms started blaring, lights flashing and the overhead sprinklers drenching you in water. Pandemonium ensued with the all dogs barking, jumping, and howling. The cold water seemed to snap the receptionist to her senses and she yelled “GET OUT OF MY BUILDING NOOOWWW!”

You and Lincoln bolt out of the building and jump into your car. You were so shocked at this turn of events that you couldn’t even say anything until the puppy stood up on Lincoln’s lap and shook water everywhere. You slammed the brakes and yelled, “What on earth was that?! Are you crazy?!”

“I was j-just trying to f-f-free them!” He stuttered. The cold water soaking both of your clothes was taking its toll.

You took a deep breath to calm down and tried to see things from his perspective. “Lincoln, they don’t need to be freed. I know you see similarities between them and you but this is different. I would never bring this puppy or any animal to a place that is going to harm them. Besides, even if you were successful, now there would be hundreds of dogs running loose with nowhere to go, no food or water and most importantly, no way for their families to find them.”

“I g-g-guess I didn’t think about that...I’m s-sorry.” he apologized through chattering teeth.

You drove the rest of the way home in silence. When you parked the car in the driveway you paused before getting out and let out a chuckle, “I can’t believe you pulled the fire alarm trying to break those dogs out.”

Lincoln timidly chuckled as well and within seconds you were both laughing uproariously till tears came out of your eyes. Or was that just water dripping from your hair onto your face? Either way, you wiped your face and turned to exit the car when Lincoln meekly asked, “So, have you thought about it?” You turned to look at him and were met by four pairs of puppy dog eyes. You sighed.

How could you say no?

Jonathan McQuarry Fic

Synopsis: Jonathan McQuarry comforts you during an anxiety attack

Gender Neutral Reader

Author's Note: this is my first ever fanfic! Jonathan McQuarry is dear to my heart so I felt he should be the first I write about. I couldn't think of an actual title so just went with something simple. I hope you enjoy!

The feeling hits you like cold water to the face. You feel your breath shorten and your muscles tense as if on auto pilot. You know this feeling all too well: an anxiety attack. You know the cause of the trigger. Having grown up in a big city you're no stranger to the hustle and bustle of New York City. The yelling and honking and screeching of subway brakes don't faze you. However, when you walked outside to throw away the trash at the exact moment an old beat up car backfired three times, you were thrust back to your home town. Yes, you grew up in a noisy city but the noise was from guns echoing down the street day and night. You were so used to the sound of gunfire that it was almost hard to sleep without it in the background once you moved. You thought you had gotten over it until this moment. You suddenly felt unsafe. No, not just unsafe, helpless. You scrambled back inside and for a moment thought you had calmed down until that familiar feeling rose in your chest. Now you sit in the bedroom closet curled up like a child hiding from the Boogeyman. Now matter how much you tell yourself that you're okay, your body refuses to respond. With tears in your eyes you hold yourself and bite your thumb. You don't know how long you were sitting there when you hear the front door open and close. Then the sound of a familiar voice reaches your ears.

“Darling, I'm home!”

It's your boyfriend Jonathan back from his accounting job. You weren't expecting him back for awhile since he usually works late. Ever since you moved in together last month he’s been cutting back on late nights to spend more time with you. You tried to protest as you didn't want to get between him and his job but he insisted that you were more important. Now, you're grateful that he's home early.

“Y/N, are you here?” He calls out.

You want to call out to him. To run into his arms and be comforted by the smell of his cologne but you're frozen in place. You hear him walk into the bedroom.

“Y/N?” He asks.

“H-here” you manage to squeak out.

You hear him softly walk towards the closet door and squint as light hits your eyes from the open door. As he crouches down to your eye level you rush to explain yourself.

“I thought I heard a gun and I didn't know what to do and I'm sorry I was so scared and-” Jonathan cuts you off with a big hug.

“Y/N, it's okay. You don't have to apologize. I know you're still sensitive to these things because of your past. It's okay. I'm here. You're safe.”

You lean into his warm touch as you rest your head on his shoulder and he gently rubs your back. You feel his lips tenderly place a kiss on your forehead. Under different circumstances, you’d think two adults huddling together in a closet wouldn't be the best way to relax. But wrapped in the arms of your gentle Jonathan, you couldn't imagine a better place to be than here with him.

please, sir, i need 20 more hours of this 🤲🏻

PRIME EXAMPLE EVERYONE

IM PRETTY SURE HE HAS 90% OF THE INGREDIENTS

Some of the men yall tag as dilfs are SHAMEFUL. I was looking for dilf memes (it is not important why) and all I see is a parade of rosy-cheeked unblemished dandy men. Slapping a beard on a 26 year old in a suit is not a dilf, you are besmirching the title. There is a recipe, a Dilf Recipe. You do not need all these ingredients but you must have AT LEAST three: a child/ward/apprentice of some sort, crows feet, laugh lines/frown lines, sun damage, gray hairs, dark circles, Depression, intriguing battle scars/injuries/missing limb, Divorced, body hair, a look in the eyes that screams for A Moment of Relief, etc etc. Like the bar is low. Ben Barnes is not a Dilf. Harry Styles with 5 o’clock shadow is not a dilf. TIMMY CHARDONNAY IS NOT A DILF. You are all WEAK your blood is WEAK put that man BACK IN THE OVEN UNTIL HES DONE THESE DUDES ARENT AL DENTE THEY ARE CRUNCHY AND DUNKED IN WATER PUT THEM BACK LET THEM COOK

My ships are not meant to be happy realistic portrayals of romance.

My ships are chaotic, co-dependent, toxic romances that oozes resentment and emotional tension.

Stop trying to cancel me, I’m already in the sewer.

What We Can Learn from Ewan McGregor's Instagram

It has very recently come to my attention that the great Ewan McGregor has an Instagram account that he uses with regularity. And it is a thing of beauty. Are you thinking, "Oh, I don't know. I like his movies, but do I really want to see his big celebrity life in photos?" The answer is YES YOU DO. Why? Because these are the things we have to learn from him.

Ewan loves motorcycles.

Ewan especially loves his vintage 1929 motorcycle.

Ewan loves his dog Sid Smith.

Ewan loves his "bonnie" Scotland home.

Like, a lot.

Sometimes he loves Scotland and his dog at the same time.

Ewan wore a kilt to receive his OBE.

Ewan has an intricate half-sleeve tattoo that was done by Kat Von D.

Ewan really, really, really loves Sid Smith and misses him whenever they are twain. Going so far as to dedicate pictures to him. 

EWAN IS INCREDIBLY HANDSOME, BUT THIS IS NOT NEW INFORMATION JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER.

And for even more great Ewan pics just follow him on Instagram already!

"Phantom Menace" behind the scenes