Complacency masked by the gentle glove of understanding,
(my friends always did say I was too accommodating).
And you- this poor, poor boy who was caught in the middle of a drama.
(You call it a drama, I call it the thing that makes me feel unsafe in my own skin)
“You cannot expect me to throw away 5 years of friendship”
I said okay, okay.
I did not want the assault to take away my friendships after it took
The deep appreciation I used to have for this body
My smile
My life.
But today I saw you give the man that raped me a big hug.
You know- those big i-missed-you man hugs?
I felt the anger tear across my palms, two fists ready to meet the drywall.
How could you.
You know what he did.
You know what he took from me.
And I realise you didn’t care.
Because it was not your body he turned inside out.
It was not your tongue he ripped from your throat.
You give him a hug full of familiarity and love.
I don't want to forgive you.
I don’t want to pretend it’s all alright.
I won’t roll over and accept it this time.