Hannibal Rp - Blog Posts

Independent Will Graham RP blog, interpretation of both television and book characterizations.

I won't pretend to know exactly what I'm doing.

But I kind of know what I'm doing.

Ye.

drhanniballecter this is your fault

Cool squirrel!

Glad to hear you're settling in Baltimore alright. What does Beth do for a living, if you don't mind me asking?

- 🧷

// ooc: I just watched Adam the movie the other day and I have so many feelings about it. Once again I applaud you on your amazingly canon-aligned depiction!!! Also p.s. my inbox at @safetypin-non is always open ^_^

Isn’t he just?

At first, I suspected he might have rabies because he was unusually receptive for a wild animal. But then I realized he was probably already used to being around people. I wished I had something to feed him, but unfortunately, I only had pastries with me which you should never give to squirrels or ducks, for that matter. A lot of people make the mistake of feeding bread to ducks, even though it can ultimately be harmful—even deadly—for them. If you really want to give them a treat, you should offer peas instead.

And Beth is a teacher.

///thank u sm sweetheart! means a lot considering I’ve never done anything quite like this before. definitely let me know what you thought of the movie :)

I haven’t had the chance to look for raccoons yet, but there are squirrels in a park nearby.

I don’t like the filter Beth put on this picture, but the squirrel was fascinating.

Best of luck with the move, and don't forget to breathe!! I know moving can be enervating, and it's tempting to just shut everything off. I make that mistake sometimes, so you're not alone. You have a great group of friends, and you're a wonderful person, Adam! I hope you have a really good rest of your day. :)

This message reminded me of someone I know..

Although it’s not groundbreaking, you’re right—breathing is something I have to do more intentionally. Thank you for your words. I feel a lot warmer around my heart now, in the metaphorical sense.

I hope you have a nice day or night!, depending on where you live.

I will miss the Raccoons.

Hey Adam! Congrats on the new job and move to Baltimore. I think a change of scenery from the noise and excitement of NYC will be a bit less chaotic.

As a reminder, I'm here for ya. I know I'm not involved, not trying to be, but I'm here. People shouldn't pity you. But they also shouldn't walk all over you. I'm proud of you for setting those boundaries.

Never compromise your wellbeing, ever.

- 🧷

Hello,

Thank you for your message.I mean that sincerely. I think you’re right about the noise. New York has been too much for me ever since my Dad died, though I got used to the overstimulation. Or I thought I did.

Baltimore will be different. Not necessarily quieter, but..slower, maybe. Which might be good for me.

I appreciate the sentiment. I understand your concern. But sometimes things appear different from the outside. I’m doing what feels manageable for me at the moment. And that has to be enough, doesn’t it?

Still—thank you, again.

Hey Adam! How are you doing today?

Hello,

I did not manage to answer you in time. I do not remember how I felt on May 2nd.

But if I apply your question to today, I’d say I feel desolation and a sense of culpability regarding my emotional state.As for what I’m doing; I’m packing boxes.

I’ve been trying to organize them methodically, much to Beth’s frustration. We argued about it yesterday. It makes my skin itch to watch her throw everything together without care.

Tonight, I’m going to the park to watch the raccoons. I hope it’ll settle my thoughts. I know it won’t, there’s no magic in distraction. But maybe if I keep myself occupied long enough, I can crowd out what’s pressing on me.

After all i understand that my routines aren’t efficient for moving. So, I’ll dissociate as much as I can.

You do not understand me. You pity me.

I took the job offer in Baltimore.

I will be working as a guide at the Davis Planetarium. I’m very happy it worked out. The planetarium has such a rich archive and so many exhibits in rotation! I’ll have a lot to learn and organize, and even more to share. I am already experiencing a lot of excitement about that.

That means Beth and I will be moving to Maryland soon, leaving New York behind. I will miss New York. But I’m looking forward to seeing some people in Baltimore. And it’ll make getting to Dr. Lecter’s appointments easier, once he returns from his retreat.

What made you decide to get back with Beth? I thought you were doing pretty well, especially with Nigel. I think we all just want to make sure you're truly happy with this decision.

I don’t know. I think I want to be left alone. I don’t want to answer any more questions about this…

Good luck with talking to Beth 🤞

If it goes south, just make sure you take care of yourself first.

- 🧷 (safetypin-non)

Thank you. It went well.

Beth and I are together again.

My head hurts and my hands are trembling.

Were not the bliss too often crost

By that unhappy vile distrust,That gnawing doubt, and anxious fear, that dangerous malady,

That terrible tormenting rage, that madness, jealousy.

It is love that tortures you, isn’t it?

You don’t speak of it but I know and so do you.

I did not like that.

I cannot keep going like this. I will drive over to Beth and her family.

Adam, have you ever seen Cosmos with Carl Sagan? I've always wanted to watch the original but I've only seen the reboot with Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

- 🧷 (safetypin-non)

Yes, I watched it many times. More than I can count. It’s my favorite show.

You should watch it, I can only recommend it.

One advantage of communicating online instead of in person is that if something somebody says flusters or overwhelms you, you can just choose not to respond.

You can pretend you didn’t see it at all. I think that’s handy.

If you could assign constellations to your associates/friends what would they be and why?

I don't know much about constellations but I'd love to hear you talk about it :)

- 🧷

I actually spent some time thinking about this. It’s a interesting question, astronomy as a mirror for people. It’s not the first time I’ve made that comparison in my head.

So Nigel would probably be Andromeda. There’s something about Andromedas story that reminds me of him , chained and waiting, not exactly helpless, but holding back. Andromeda’s one of those constellations that’s easy to overlook unless you know where to look. But once you do, you stay looking. He’s like that. Quiet and beautiful, and much more capable than most realize. There’s distance there too. Something unspoken and mysterious. And maybe that’s part of it.

Abby is Lyra. Steady, constant sound in the background that makes everything else feel less chaotic. She’s the kind of friend that doesn’t try to change the rhythm, she plays along, and somehow makes the melody make sense. She won’t try to change but instead accept the people around her. I trust her more than I trust most people. Probably more than I know to articulate.

Duncan is definitely Ursa Major. He’s calm and grounded. One of those people you automatically listen to when they speak. Like the Big Dipper, It’s just always been there. Reliable. Big presence. Never unpleasantly overwhelming.

I see Tonny as Gemini. There is some sort of double-sided energy to him. Always talking, always bouncing between ten things at once. Sometimes it’s annoying. But he makes things feel alive. That counts for something. Very unapologetically himself.

Beth… She’d be Scorpius..I think. There was beauty, but also something sharp underneath. I thought I understood her. Maybe I didn’t. It’s hard not to associate that constellation with betrayal once you’ve been stung by someone you trusted. But I also think Scorpius is about change. You don’t walk away from it unchanged.

Lastly Hannibal , Aquarius. There’s a logic to him that i understand. The kind of person who thinks about everything three steps ahead. Our conversations are always sharp. Always interesting. We don’t need to be close emotionally to have a kind of mutual respect, and I appreciate that.

That’s how I see it right now.

That could change, maybe it won’t.

There’s been a recent development I’ve been turning over in my head for the past few days: Webb detected dimethyl sulfide (DMS) and dimethyl disulfide (DMDS) in the atmosphere of exoplanet K2-18b. If that doesn’t mean much to you, here’s the part that matters

On Earth, both compounds are exclusively produced by marine life. Specifically, phytoplankton.This doesn’t mean there’s life on K2-18b!.But it does suggest a potential biosignature one we can’t easily explain through geological processes. K2-18b is a sub-Neptune, around 124 light-years away in the Leo constellation. Its atmosphere contains carbon-bearing molecules, water vapor, and now these sulfur compounds. It orbits in the habitable zone of its star.

These are all promising conditions, though habitability and life are not the same thing!.Still, this is the first time we’ve detected a chemical in an exoplanet’s atmosphere that we only know to exist because of biology. That alone is worth sitting with.

I’m not someone who jumps to conclusions. But I am someone who believes in asking the right questions.

Is Nigel a Sheep or a Wolf ?

Nigel is a Human.

If you are asking what I think he’d be if he was an animal , which you should’ve worded more precisely , I think he’d be a dog.

But I can’t say for certain.

OOC: Have you ever written fanfic with Adam?? You rp him in a way that expresses his emotions and autism really well without infantilizing him or making him unfeeling and robotic, which is something I tend to see (they probably don't mean it in a harmful way, just misunderstood the character) and it's perfect! I really enjoy the way he's portrayed on this page, and I think the way you write in general is very pleasing

OOC: My god, this made me so happy to hear <3

I always try my best to immerse myself in his headspace.

And to answer your question—I’ve actually never really written fanfiction. Well, that’s not entirely true, because I kind of did with my girlfriend years ago 😭 (lol). I do write a lot, but I’ve never really put anything out there.

I have been thinking about maybe posting something on AO3 (may I be protected from the writer’s curse), but my biggest struggle is coming up with a storyline. Once I have a rough idea of where the story is going, I can fill in the details and start writing—but starting from scratch is kind of tough for me.

So if you have any ideas you’d like to see, please feel free to share! I’d love to take any suggestions into consideration.

Understandable that you feel that way about the astronomical accuracies of minecraft. I wonder if there's pixelized constellations....

Off topic, but, as a fellow mac n cheese enjoyer, what is your favorite brand and/or recipe???

(I'm a big fan of Annie's white cheddar, it comes in a little purple box!!!)

- 🧷

Amazing Question.

I’ve been eating Kraft Mac & Cheese since I was a kid. The kind that comes in the blue box. I like the shape of the noodles. I like that it cooks in exactly the same way every time. And I like that it tastes the way I expect it to. Every box. Every time.

For a while, I stopped buying it. I tried really hard to switch to Annie’s; those boxes with the little bunnies on them. It was organic. “Healthier.” That’s what Beth told me. She wanted me to try something new. Something better. And I did. I ate a lot of Annie’s. I kept the boxes stacked neatly in my kitchen just like I used to with Kraft. But it didn’t taste right. It was okay. But not right.

After we fought, I went back to Kraft. I don’t think that’s symbolic of anything. Or maybe it is. I just missed the taste. I like knowing exactly how something will be. It’s comforting.

Also, I like the powdered cheese. I don’t care if it’s fake. It’s familiar.

If you met an alien, what would you tell and/or ask them?

Okay. First off: how do you breathe? Do you breathe? What kind of atmosphere are you used to? Is oxygen poisonous to you? Do you metabolize something else entirely? And your gravity, how strong is it? Do you walk upright? Do you even need to walk? What’s your skeletal structure like? Do you even have bones?

What’s your biology based on? Is there a version of DNA where you’re from? Or is it something entirely foreign to us? What’s your body temperature? Do you even need to regulate it? Do you get cold?

Do you perceive time linearly? Do you dream? Have you categorized your stars yet? What are your units of measurement? Do you know what we are? Have you been watching us the way we’ve imagined you?

And I think… after all that..I’d probably just say:

I’ve been waiting for you my whole life. Not you specifically, maybe. But the possibility of you. And now I have about a million more questions.

I think we should send Musk into space. One way trip. He's a genius, I'm sure he can find his way back if he wants to.

How are you by the way, Adam? I've been playing a lot of minecraft and I've been looking up at the pixelated stars a lot. They're pretty.

- 🧷

Despite this being an absolutely unrealistic idea I can‘t claim that I dislike fantasizing about it.

I am mildly melancholic at the moment, I have never played Minecraft but I don’t think their depiction of space is realistic in any way. Arguably that‘s not the point anyway.

Do you like theater? If so, what are your favorite plays and/or musicals?

I don’t dislike theater, but I struggle with the social environment around it.

It’s loud. It’s crowded. People clap too much. But I do like the mechanics of it the structure, the rhythm, the way a story has to rely on timing and restraint. I like plays that don’t talk down to their audience.

Copenhagen is a good one,it’s about physics and ethics. The Effect by Lucy Prebble was interesting too, mostly because it plays with psychology and perception in a way that felt grounded. Musicals are harder. Most are emotionally overstimulating, but I think Hadestown had merit. I like mythology. And I appreciate when something ancient gets recontextualized in a modern structure. That’s how understanding evolves.

I can’t say that I understand the current obsession with Elon Musk.

If you strip away the marketing, most of what he’s done in space science is either derivative, outsourced, or bloated beyond reason. He didn’t invent rockets. He didn’t pioneer space travel. He just made it more profitable to pretend he did.

There are people like Tiera Guinn Fletcher, who was designing launch vehicles for NASA at 22. People like Swati Mohan, who helped land Perseverance on Mars. People like Natalie Panek, who works on building robotics for future Mars missions.

But instead we elevate Musk who slaps his name on decades of actual scientific progress. There are real pioneers in this field out there. Just not the ones selling flamethrowers and rebranding physics as marketing strategy.

I also have a purely personal dislike against him. He annoys me.

Am I understanding this correctly? You have feelings for somebody?

I don’t mean Beth. I have read the ask you send to Hannibal.

Are you in love, Adam?

From what I gathered so far, it’s possible I’m falling in love.

However I want to avoid misreading things again.

I’m also still emotionally tied to Beth, and I haven’t fully ruled out the idea of reuniting.

I recently read about Tardigrades, also called water bears, they are micro-animals that survive things most organisms wouldn’t even make it through halfway.

When conditions get extreme; dehydration, radiation, freezing, heat etc. they enter a state called cryptobiosis. That means they shut down almost all biological functions. No metabolism, no movement.

In this state, they’re called tuns. They can stay like that for years.

Then when water is added, they pick up where they left off like it’s nothing.

They’ve survived space exposure, temperatures from just above absolute zero to over 150°C, and pressure levels that would crush submarines.

They’re not strong in the usual way. They’re just built for their environment.

Thought you’d be interested in this, stea. You think Keats was talking about Polaris? Can’t say I’m well versed on the subject. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44468/bright-star-would-i-were-stedfast-as-thou-art

— Nigel

Fomalhaut was the first star that came to mind. People call it the lonely one, and that feels closer to what Keats was describing—‘not in lone splendour hung aloft the night’—watching in silence like some sleepless, distant observer. Polaris is constant, sure, but Fomalhaut is solitary. It sits far apart from the other bright stars in the sky. Easy to notice. Easy to feel something about.

It makes sense to me, logistically too. Fomalhaut is visible from Earth without much effort. But more than that, it carries the weight of solitude, of being out there and unmistakably alone.

I don’t think he wanted to be the star. I think he recognized something of himself in it. When we admire things people, stars, it’s often because they mirror something we’re missing or trying to understand. Maybe he wasn’t longing for distance, but for connection. To feel less alone by seeing that loneliness reflected back.

And even if they’re separated by lifetimes of space, the star and the observer exist in that moment together. No one else might understand that connection, perhaps not even the two of them, but it’s there nonetheless.

Yes, I do have a comfort show.

It’s ‘Cosmos: A Personal Voyage’.

I think I might just re-watch it today, maybe it’ll temporarily help my brain calm down.

Nothing feels real anymore.

EVERBODY always lies to me and I am stuck feeling like an idiot because I care about honesty. Why does nobody ever mean what they say? What even is the point in saying anything then?.