I Am Dirty So What - Blog Posts

The Gladiator’s Ring

C/W: Warrior (Predator)/F!Humans, Male Yautja/F!Humans, dubcon, sex club, monster sex, human fetish, exhibitionism, female gloryhole, sex marathon, size kink, hair kink, unprotected sex, public sex, casual sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, oral sex, self-indulgent debauchery, ass-to-pussy, face-sitting, multiple partners, predator/prey WC: 9528

It was well-known that Yautja had needs after a successful hunt. A veteran with a fondness for pyode amedha required many willing participants to sate his.

*This is a work of fiction that features unsafe sexual practices besides the involvement of a 7'+ alien. Depiction isn't endorsement*

An excerpt below the cut

He'd have to be mindful not to break skin with his talons, but that was part of the allure of oomans. Their inherent fragility was an addiction once he had learned how to handle their bodies. Their thin hides bruised and tore easily, their bones could snap if he got carried away. But once they lay undone beneath him in disbelief, the moment they realized they were enjoying the experience and bared their tender flesh to a ruthless alien for more…

The submission in their eyes when they understood he wasn't going to kill nor maim them, he only wanted to pauk them. Oomani-di were a delicacy. He was more than willing to play ‘gently’ at their level if it meant he got to partake in ooman sex.

The ooman reeked of anxiety, but she took a measured step towards him, followed by another. His pupils dilated from her proximity. He trilled in encouragement when she was within arm's reach, eagerly anticipating what this novel playmate would do next. He was acutely aware of her. The scent of her heat and apprehension wrapped around his head, a haze he would rejoice losing himself in. Her courage and appearance were extremely appealing to his tastes and it was getting difficult to keep his paws to himself.

Shaky fingertips brushed his hide with the most tentative of touches and she held her breath. His eyes fell to slits as he focused on the feathery sensation on his scales. Another reason he adored oomans –so gentle and curious, yet eager to please once he attained that delicious submission. He would like to take this one to mate if she was willing.

~

~

It wasn't even breathing heavily after that level of exertion.

The woman fixated on the sinewy contours of its musculature. It –no, he– how could this creature be anything but a ‘he?’ Her eyes dropped to the swollen evidence of his raw masculinity between thighs carved in stone, swallowing at the bumpy surface on the ridiculous endowment. He was all sleek power and so very male. There was that preternatural grace to his movements, the way the mesmerizing patterns to that rough bluish skin rippled, skin she recalled was not wholly unpleasant to touch. She witnessed the extended demonstration of what he could do with that wicked maw – how delicately his terrifying mandibles could handle the women as he did unspeakable things to them with that tongue. He was the picture of virility as he humped his latest woman while standing and cradling her.

She stared in rapture. The beast quirked a mandible, a frank invitation to sample the monster that clearly intrigued her. It was an apt reminder that this was an intelligent creature far more advanced than the humans who surrounded him. She drew a sharp intake of breath. Heat blazed as she waded into the incandescent gold pools in his eyes –the predatory cunning of that gaze was undeniable. He knew he was captivating. And his hulking presence demanded he be watched. 

~

A Night for Hunting

On AO3

To me, Alucard is a yandere no matter how you cut it. He's sweeter after the relationship is more established. This short piece was inspired by EwNasty (BogDing)’s “Monster in the Basement” on AO3. The fanfic was such a hot masterpiece I couldn't help but fantasize more about Alu, even when I hadn’t started Hellsing yet and only read some headcanons. Just finished watching Hellsing Ultimate. Hopefully my characterization of Alucard, who is still new to me, is adequate.

You were only a regular woman trying to make ends meet. Never would you have dreamed you would catch a king's attention. Or unwillingly become part of his hunt.

(Alucard is an eldritch terror having a good time).

The story of a vampire's seduction of a woman, and a king turning from unwanted stalker to lover.

Tags/warnings: Alucard (Ultimate) x Fem!Reader, predator/prey, hunting, fear play, dacryphilia, slight mind reading and control, bondage (?), noncon but no smut. Alucard is an eldritch terror having a good time. He doesn’t really hurt her.

Words: 1891

It was happening again. How? Tonight you chose an alternate path, one with more life. But as you walked, the night streets that were lively not long ago seemed to quiet into nothingness. The remaining strangers who littered the area slowly scattered. It must be your imagination, but the shadows appeared to lengthen around you as well.

The screech of a colony of bats broke the peace, the sudden flurry of wings startling you as the small creatures fluttered across the starry sky from up high. Then all was quiet once more. You pulled your sweater closer to yourself and sped up, unnerved by the sudden eeriness of your path that was familiar and welcome by day. It wasn't the autumn chill that made your hairs stand on end. No, this cold was something else.

As you passed storefront after storefront, each of them now closed, you cursed your boss for coercing you into staying late for your shift again. Your eyes shot around anxiously, trying to find any other phenomena that were out of place. The chairs to several restaurant patios were neatly stacked on their tables. Several locked garbage containers were set out for collection tomorrow morning. Everything looked as it should. A gentle breeze rustled your sweater and carried the lingering smells of street foods. It prickled your skin and blew strands of your bangs across your eyes as you tucked them back. Maybe the strange atmosphere was only your mind playing tricks? You have been exhausted lately.

The streetlamps flickered. Branches snapped.

It was almost imperceptible and at first you didn’t see it, but as you walked briskly onwards, you noticed a light fog spreading lazily across the area. The hazy whiteness grew thicker and misted your vision, making distance hard to differentiate. Even the breeze stilled. The tranquil silence was deafening. You could feel the steady thuds of your blood rushing in your temples as your strides lengthened further to carry you home sooner.

Your unease carried your flight. You sped through the winding path home, making a left, then a right after the stop sign. J-walked to bypass the next set of traffic lights ahead. A laugh sounded from behind and you spun. A stalker? Leading a suspicious stranger home was too dangerous, but there were no public spaces available at this hour to take refuge. You wished you had your pepper spray! Your eyes focused on the fog. Visibility wasn’t nil. There was no one else but you.

Heart pounding in your chest, your quick walk became jogging. The laugh came again, but this time it echoed around you. Something grabbed your side and you screamed as you whirled with your hands slapping, only to be greeted by emptiness. Spooked, your instinct was to flee. You started running.

You weren't sure how far you got, but your breaths left you in heaving pants when you finally stopped. Uncertain of where you were because you missed your usual turns to get home, you glanced around for clues. Something large rubbed heavily against your backside, like it was nuzzling its entire body against you to mark you. But nothing was present this time either when you whizzed your head around. Then you saw it.

In the murky darkness, there was an off-tone blackness darker than its surroundings forming mere feet behind you. A huge inky shadow solidified and rose from the ground, stirring the white fog. You didn’t look closely enough to elucidate the details, but you'd seen enough. It looked like some sort of canine, a head rearing from a pool of shadow lined with red. Rows of teeth gleamed through a sinister smirk. You turned and bolted with a breathless shout.

Quiet, little one. A rich, amused voice whispered into your head.

A weight hit you and knocked you to the ground, ripping your delicate skin against the rugged pavement. Ignoring the pain, you yelped and scrambled to get up before dashing blindly away again. The laughter this time was more akin to a cackle, ravenous and touched by madness.

Yes, RUN! The gleeful voice sounded again.

The ground turned black. Eyes opened along your path, thousands of them, red irises tracking you as you ran desperately until your lungs burned. This, this was new. This never happened before!

“WHAT WAS THIS?!” You thought in panic.

Your wide eyes couldn’t avert themselves from the morbid sight as your legs carried you frantically, your lips fell open to scream, but you couldn’t. No voice came.

You were no longer aware of where you were as the surroundings blazed by in a blur. You could only run and run and run until your legs gave out and exhaustion took you, even if the shadows still followed. The eyes moved with you, mocking your futile attempts to escape.

Sprawled on the ground, your body was wracked with shaking as you heaved greedily to fill your aching chest with air. Your legs felt like lead. Warm blood trickled from your wounds which you weren’t cognizant of earlier.

The shadows surrounded you. It crawled up your body, those wretched unblinking eyes that spectated this chase finally catching up to you. The thousands of eyes curled up in mirth at your anguish. You stared back helplessly, beyond terror and screaming, and tried to scoot back, to push the shadows off, to do anything to get whatever it was away from you.

The darkness had mass. It settled on top of you, pushing your back to the cold ground, flowing over your form until you were completely immobile despite your hopeless struggles to free yourself. It rippled as if it enjoyed your fight.

“I am going to die,” you thought feebly. The weight of the shadows was overwhelming. You whined in pain piteously and immediately, the pressure diminished. The shadow shifted again, its shape transforming. Humans, such fragile and weak creatures. The voice tsk’ed?

Locking eyes with the now-humanoid figure above you, time froze. You found in the thing's eyes timelessness, an age-old elegance that only grew wiser with the passage of eras. This was an ancient and crafty creature, its eyes glowing with an unworldly orangey-red that was enchantingly beautiful, you recognized distantly. It was making sounds that could only be described as contented exhalations.

“It was you. All this time, it was you haunting me." You couldn’t look away from that face. It was much too gorgeous to be human, even if it took the skin of a man. 

It purred. "Yes it was me."

Your eyes widened, not expecting such sounds to come from this creature that caged you against the ground. The sensual voice was liquid sin to your ears when you heard it out loud at last, and the deep purrs rumbled heavily against your chest.

“You can't be real. THIS can't be real." You whispered, closing your eyes, childishly willing everything away, to be nothing more than a horrifying dream that couldn't harm you. Have you lost your mind at last? Gone senile with paranoid hallucinations? Surely you've been stressed, but you didn't think you were so far gone for your mind to create this scene. Perhaps you needed to be on medications.

The creature chuckled again, a terrible noise that reveled in your misery. Unknown to you, it heard your thoughts. "You truly don’t think this is real?"

Cool fingers brushed up your thighs and stroked your core, making you recoil from the unwanted touch. Your breasts and buttocks were fondled through your clothes. What?  You braved looking down and your heart stopped. The darkness that blanketed your body retreated, but your wrists and ankles were held down by hands. There were too many hands. Shadowy limbs covered in the same glowing crimson outline roved over your body, pinching and grabbing at whatever piece of you they could find.

A form covered in eyes rose from the muddled shadow over the ground. A hound, it was what chased you. It licked your face.

But he was still there, with all those horrific limbs that glowed with a dark light tethered to his body in impossible ways. The nightmare was reality.

"What are you?" The gritty pavement dug into your back. Tears prickled the corners of your eyes.

His bewitching gaze stared back, thoroughly enjoying your distress and powerlessness beneath him. “Your kind write many stories for me.”

"Incubus?" You sobbed, tears finally breaking free now that there was no longer anywhere to run.

He threw his head back and laughed in a psychotic manner. The mania was such a contradiction compared to his aristocratic appearance. Your eyes peeled back wide and you shuddered. "Do you still think you're dreaming, foolish child?" He hovered close to you, eyes shining with amusement while his mouth opened, revealing two rows of jagged teeth, but that wasn't what caught your attention. Your stare focused on two long, dagger-like fangs.

"NO. You can't be." You shook your head, body quaking as dread filled your very marrow. Tears slipped past your cheeks and the stench of your fear permeated the air. He nuzzled against your throat and scented you, delighting in your terror, a predator toying with his meal.

A wet muscle that was too long lapped at your tears as this creature sniffed at your throat and ran that abominable appendage up your neck. He was savoring each moment of your fear and getting off on it. You could feel a hard length digging into your abdomen as it rocked against you and the purring continued.

In a moment of sheer panic, your hands were free. You raked your nails against his face as your eyes met his, your fear made more potent as you realized you once again lost your voice. No screams fell from your lips, no matter how much you wanted to call for help. You yanked at his hair and pulled his ears, struggling desperately to get free. He smirked at you as your hands mauled him.

“Yes, that’s it. I like it when you fight,” he growled.

Your fingers came back from their assault bloodied, but you still couldn't break free. The creature didn't even notice the damage to his features. The sound of him breathing you in met your ears once more. “You smell divine.” When nothing happened beyond him trapping you and licking, you found your words again.

“Are you going to hurt me?" You whimpered, your expression clenched in fright.

Something changed in his demeanor, like he was displeased with the question. Your eyes opened hesitantly and you couldn’t help but gasp. He was completely uninjured, though the cocky smirk was less pronounced. After a pregnant pause, the arcane, toothy smile returned. His gaze slide back to yours with an unsettling glint in his eyes.

"One day, you will willingly give yourself to me." He announced with confidence and tucked away the extra extremities. His tongue licked down your legs to lave at the cuts to your knees as he purred loudly at you.

You knew a moment of vertigo when it felt like you were picked up and the scenery blurred. When you found your bearings again, you were dizzy outside your condo doors. You were left to yourself, nauseous, your pulse still racing. The vampire was gone. Your skin was unmarred, as if nothing had happened at all.

~To Be Continued~

Madara NSFW Alphabet

A NSFW alphabet has been done for Madara by others, so I also tried to switch up most of the letters. This is for Madara with his beloved S/O. Hope you enjoy! @immazebrah

Warnings: very NSFW. Too many acts/kinks to list. Read at your own risk.

A- Anal

Sex is one of Madara’s main methods of expressing how deeply he feels about you. Madara wants all of you, so the butt stuff is an absolute “Yes!” for him if you’re down, even if it isn’t his first choice of hole. He properly prepares you so even if there will be stretching, there isn’t pain with Madara once he’s in. You’ll beg him to do this more often in the future.

B- Body Part (Favourite)

Madara isn’t particularly vain, but even he has to agree his cock looks visually appealing. Doesn’t hurt (pun intended) that he’s well-endowed and stretches you nicely. In conjunction with his hands, he plays your body like an instrument, each sound he draws from you is music to him.

On you, he likes everything –he actually does have every feature on your body memorized. But if he must choose, his favourite parts of you are your eyes and smile. Generally, if you’re happy, then he is as well. When your attention is on him and even your eyes light up to smile at him, it’s almost enough to thaw out his own grouchy face.

C- Cum

Don’t let his composed, courteous demeanor in public fool you. He gets overcome with emotion and feral in the sheets. We all know about his breeding kink. His preference is to finish inside to leave a piece of himself in you, whether that’s your pussy (top choice), ass, or mouth. If he really can’t have that, then he’ll pull out reluctantly, but unload all over your face, chest, or nether bits to mark you as his.

D- Dirty Talk

The main thing you need to know is that Madara is dominant and enjoys teasing you, but ultimately he loves you, so he wouldn’t be too cruel. His dirty talk is heavily psychological. He knows you well and is such a master of words he doesn’t need (nor want) to use the most degrading terms to taunt you (unless you’re into that, but that isn’t his default state). Typically, the deep timbre of his voice, along with his observations on how you look eagerly taking his cock, making you repeat what you want him to do to you, and his praise for your performance are already pretty effectively at making you ache and plead.

E- Edging

Overstimulation is the name of his game. Orgasm denial is a favourite way he teases and exerts his control over your body without hurting you. He is patient. He can amuse himself with your body for hours and bring you to the brink of an orgasm and back off many times, leaving you begging pitifully for release before he finally allows you to finish. On other occasions, he is overly generous and provides too many orgasms, which also leaves you a writhing puddle of tears.

F- Facesitting/Facial

He enjoys getting covered in your juices. When you lose control and hump his face with enthusiasm, block his air with your crotch so that’s all he can see and smell, then leave his head drenched, he knows he did a great job. On the flip side, when he receives fellatio, he is open both to taking charge or allowing you to do your thing, depending on the mood of the day. If he doesn’t lose patience and decide he wants to fuck instead, he prefers you swallow his load. During oral sessions when he’s feeling especially possessive, he will mark you as his by finishing on your face as you open wide to show him just how willing you are.

G- Group Sex

Madara won’t share you. The intimacy you share took a long time to build and is very special to him. There is no way he will allow an outsider to intrude on it. The only gangbang you’ll ever experience will be with his clones.

H- Hickey

Despite his propensity towards marking you, he’s surprisingly tasteful about it. It must be due to his need for privacy. He doesn’t tend to leave suck marks on your neck where others can see them. He believes what you and him do in private is no one else’s business, so he only places his love marks where your clothes will hide them (unless one was left elsewhere by accident). They’re really only for his viewing pleasure.

I- Intimacy (how is he during the act?)

You’re the love of his life. He can be extremely tender and bare his heart to you during the act, from affectionate words and stares to gentle touches. He can be rough at other times, depending on his mood, but sex with Madara is always intense. His feelings for you can make him do some strange things though. Aside from his base Sharingan, which he frequently employs for its increased perception and to memorize every detail, he occasionally also uses his (not technically canon) Mangekyou ability to record and rewind the most intimate moments during sex, such as orgasms.

This doesn’t happen often either, but when he’s feeling especially soft for you, but passionate and dramatic, he may activate part of his Susanoo to protectively envelop you in his chakra while he rails you.

J- Jousting (can be a slang term for double penetration)

...Yeah he would. Why wouldn’t he? He likes pussy. And he likes ass. Why not plug both at the same time? Or two cocks in one hole if you’re into that? Clones are useful for more than just dancing. Toys may be employed to achieve double penetration as well. He’s open to experimentation if you’re willing and it doesn’t injure you.

Actually, this term is also used to refer to men charging at each other with their erections out. If his S/O was male, he’d be a lot more competitive than with a woman and would swordfight you, if only to demonstrate his mastery of kenjutsu. Don’t indulge him. Madara is insane and this kind of jousting will end with your dick broken.

K- Kinks

Bondage and BDSM, including temperature play (wax and ice), light spanking, restraints with gags and blindfolds, and possibly breath play (very carefully). He’s sensitive to your limits and how you’re feeling, respectful of the safe word, and appreciative of your trust to relinquish control to someone like him. He won’t betray your trust, but enjoys leaving you a babbling mess and will put you in your place if you’re being a brat.

Despite wanting to spank you a bit so he can watch your butt and boobs jiggle, he doesn’t strike you elsewhere (like the face). It’s just not what he’s into. His intention also isn’t to leave you feeling used or dirty, so despite teasing you constantly with his sinful words and the tools and toys of his kinks to get you worked up and embarrassed, he doesn’t humiliate you either.

L- Lube

He prefers not using lube for vaginal sex, but will if you really need it. Something about going natural and hearing that slick sound gets him going. He’s huge, so to ease his entry and prevent micro-tears to your insides, he’s willing to spend a lot of time on foreplay and getting you to a point where you’re so hot and bothered you’re just dripping with slick.

He will use lube for anal. No sense trying to shove a can dry up delicate hole like that. It’s painful for him too if there’s too much friction.

M- Maiesiophilia

Don’t know this word? I didn’t either before this post. Madara didn’t have a pregnancy fetish until you got heavy with his child and after he got over his old-fashioned beliefs about the risks of pregnancy sex. After that hurdle, the sexless months and sight of your body swelling with the product of your love got to him. It doesn’t matter if there is already a bun in the oven, he is somehow even more aroused when left with your naked, pregnant figure and he will continue to breed you, albeit much more gently.

He doesn’t have a preference for breast size, but seeing your tits plumped up makes his hands itch to fondle them, to your dismay. You have to remind him multiple times whenever you’re intimate of how tender they are. Once you give birth and start lactating, believe me, he’ll try out your dairy too, lactose intolerance be damned.

N- NO

He isn’t into scat. Madara also refuses to draw blood from you, so there will be no blood play unless it is natural via period sex. Otherwise, he’s open to trying almost anything, but he will never hurt you or force you into anything you don’t want to do.

O- Oral

He’s an excellent giver and knows your spots. He can be sweet and giving where he treats oral sex as an opportunity to drink his fill of you, but he has days when he’s an unhinged animal (and gross), where he relieves his craze through your body. Whether you were wet, dry (unlikely), or on your period, he will want to devour you completely and eat whatever comes out of your hole, juice, blood, clots, and all.

P- Position (Favourite)

Madara is very visual. He likes both when your back is completely exposed and vulnerable and positions where he can see your face (so he can watch the expressions he’s evoking and make you stare him in the eyes as he fucks you). Both your back exposure and prolonged eye contact, especially when he frequently activates his Sharingan during sex, are signs of trust to him. Madara would never admit how much he needs you to trust him.

Q- Quantity (how many partners did he have)

Not an excessive number, though he learned well from each of them. Madara is an emotional and intensely private person. It was rare for him to seek random sexual encounters despite not being against such a concept. Once he has sex with someone, he prefers seeking that same partner, even if he is only casually involved with them. But once he’s with you, his S/O, he’ll never let go. Sex is a way for him to connect with you not just physically, but on an emotional and spiritual level. He cares more about the quality of his partners and love making, not so much the quantity.

R- Racy Clothes

It’s hot when you wear lingerie for him, especially sexy lace body suits, even if he thinks your body is perfect as is and donning such skimpy clothing is a waste since he’s going to rip it off anyways. You learned quickly to only wear your best lingerie on days you believe he’s more civilized (he had you fooled).

He wasn’t thrilled when you expressed your desire to see him in male lingerie. At first he thought it was beneath his dignity, but for you, he wore the silly thing. The set you got him outlined his pecs, butt, and package deliciously. When he saw how excited you were, he obliged you several more times.

S- Spooning

In Madara’s opinion, an excellent position for anything. Sleeping, sex, aftercare, you name it, having you flush against his body is gratifying, particularly when you unknowingly wiggle your arse against his crotch . He prefers being the big spoon, but will enjoy being cradled when he’s tired and/or relaxed, as long as you don’t verbally acknowledge the position. Otherwise, he will just as quickly flip the script and have you back in his arms with a crotchety expression on his face.

T- Testicles

When it comes to receiving oral sex, Madara likes having you worship his scrotum as well. He loves when you want to lick him everywhere like he does to you and seeing how much of himself he can get inside your mouth. He can be a bit of a masochist and loves when you’re a bit rough in general, even with his sack.

He also likes when you’re on your back with your head hanging off the bed so he can throat fuck you properly. He knows you love the view from between his legs and having his massive balls smear all over your face, your legs spreading lewdly because you’re enjoying yourself so much, you wish you had another cock pounding your other holes.

U- Underwear

…He probably wears a fundoshi, or a loincloth. Think of a long piece of cloth twisted and tied up to look like a thong with/without a front panel. It’s probably uncomfortable, but he looks extremely hot.

V- Virginity (when/how did he lose it)

Like most people from his generation, he started things young. I want to say he first had sex at around 15 years old or so, but since it’s Madara, who was more preoccupied with training, fighting, protecting Izuna, and preparing to be the next clan leader, he might have been in his late teens when he lost his virginity.

Madara had been curious for a while even if he never acted on it. He didn’t want to sleep with a random member of the clan who was willing because he was the heir. And at his tender age, he wasn’t going to visit a brothel either. The opportunity to bed a civilian woman he found attractive came up naturally during a mission, when his teenage hormones were acting up after the adrenaline rush from the day wore off. It was a peaceful night when she showed him how to perform the dance of the flesh and the wonders of carnal pleasure on her bedroom futon.

W- Wildcard

He loves loves LOVES when you lick him clean after sex, especially if it involved vaginal penetration. He may be normally gruff, but he enjoys your aftercare too. Clearing your combined fluids from his cock with your tongue is such an intimate and submissive act, it makes him melt when he’s at his most vulnerable, which is after sexual intercourse. He also wouldn’t complain about seeing his cum on yet another part of you.

X- X-Ray (Dick HC)

Madara’s cock can look like anything you want (he is whatever size and shape you prefer) since there is nothing from canon to tell us about it. Except ONE thing:

Madara is basically a Japanese samurai with major superpowers. A Japanese man. According to my Google (re)search, male circumcision is extremely rare in Japan, with only around 1% to 9% of Japanese men being circumcised. Even if we use the higher end of this estimate, the vast majority of Japanese men today are uncut, and when we take into consideration how Madara came from an older generation, circumcision was even more uncommon. Thus, Madara is almost certainly uncut. QED.

So I can’t stop won’t stop writing about his foreskin in my smut. It’s weird to me that most writers don’t mention it at all, when there’s so much you can do to it. *salivates*

I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL (People from countries where circumcision isn’t the norm must think I’m nuts too✌🏻 ).

Y- Yielding (does he let you take control)

Madara is a control freak, but being his S/O means he trusts you too. He occasionally allows you to take the reins despite this being way less frequent than him being the dominant partner.

This is a different dynamic than when he is in charge (and you really are at his mercy) since he is physically much stronger and knows he can put an end to whatever you were trying on him if he wanted. He almost never does that though because it is entertaining and interesting for him to see what you come up with. Whenever he is in charge, Madara is aware of his strength and very careful with you. But if he decides to give you control, he generally lets you do whatever you want with him, encouraging you to be rougher with him because he can take it.

Z- Zzz (sleeping afterwards)

Madara doesn’t make love (or do anything) in a half-assed manner. Expect him to keep going until he’s satisfied after multiple rounds and you’re completely fucked out. This could take hours. This loving beast will only rest after he’s cleaned you up, ensured the surroundings are still safe, and that you’re okay and sound asleep. 

Madara's Off Label Sharingan Use HC

We've seen Madara's incredible finesse with the Sharingan in battle, but his specific set of eyes possessing eternal light are so handy even in normal life. Things he would probably do for/with you:

Help you sleep. It never fails, even when all your other sleep medications have. Too bad he doesn't help himself sleep more

Defend against nightmares. He'd ensure your mind is instead safely swaddled in pleasant dreams if he knows you were having a bad one

Of course he brings his Sharingan for more intimate times. He has extremely clear vision and perception in the bedroom, all the better to see and take in all of you. Maybe he’d cast some light genjutsu to enhance your experience

Not sure if he can see in complete darkness, but pretty sure he can see better in the dark than you. And he can still see your chakra even if he can’t see everything else. He likes to play in the dark sometimes. How you get when he can see/sense you, but you can’t see anything except the glowing fire in his eyes, excites him as he takes you repeatedly

Memorize endearing moments with you

Copy your movements when you touch yourself and bring yourself off so he can do it just as well as you. Madara is good at everything he does, so once he figures out your good spots, he'll touch you better than you do yourself

We don't see his Mangekyou ability in the manga or anime (because he was already so strong Kishimoto couldn't defeat him without bringing in an alien woman), but Madara's Mangekyou ability in the game Ultimate Ninja Storm was to record an event and rewind time for a few seconds...talk about OP. If he's a pervert, and I believe this touch-starved man is certainly horny with his S/O, he can rewind his orgasm with you and have another one, then spam this to get his rocks off multiple times using his Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan. If he wanted, he could do that for himself too when he touches himself. Anyone with prudish parents who think excessive masturbation causes blindness clearly never heard of Uchiha Madara

A Love Letter to the King

Now on AO3!

I’ve been so distracted lately, mind filled with indecent thoughts of the Uchiha patriarch. Needed to get this out and hopefully alleviate my perpetually flooded basement. I present you with my many dirty snippets of fantasy strung together to form a little smutty fiction. This is an attempt to worship Madara in the bedroom.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW. Very descriptive smut, oral sex, kage bunshin no jutsu, group sex, anal sex, double penetration, light bondage, breeding, Madara is a dom, he loves his fem!reader, no abuse or non-consent. My first smut.

Be prepared. Steamy one-shot under the cut. 3070 words

As the last rays of sun filtered through the sheer curtains of your bedroom and died, you twirled your tongue around the silken skin covering Madara’s crown, slipping your tongue under his foreskin and back down again, tickling his sensitive frenulum. Your hands were busy peeling the skin on your man’s cock back and forth, up and down, repeatedly, massaging him, milking him. You inhaled his musky, male scent deeply, humming happily as you took more length down your throat until it hit the back. Taking a huge breath, you swallowed your gag, eyes watering when your nose finally met a soft bed of dark pubes. Steely shaft lodged down your throat, you proudly peeked up at Madara’s handsome visage.

Holy shit. Madara thought, desperately fighting every instinct to grab the back of your head and start fucking. No, he won’t hurt you. Calm down calm down calm down.

You gagged twice as Madara’s rock hard length kicked excitedly in your throat, tears spilling down your cheeks as you found a hand on your jaw that held you back. “Don’t force yourself,” Madara panted. “Are you sure you don’t want a safe word? Hn I will give you one anyways. It’ll be-”

“Hehe I don’t need one. I’m with you after all. I trust you more than anyone. What’s the worst that could happen?” You grinned up at the Uchiha cheekily before going back down, swallowing him whole and moaning. Madara groaned at the electric vibrations shooting through his cock. You sweet summer child.

You took your time worshipping your man with your face buried in his crotch, lapping at the large twin orbs and perineum below, tapping the jewels lightly when the hands gently stroking your face and weaving through your hair tightened. Sucking harder on the inside of his thigh to leave your mark, your hands greedily explored your lover –his sculpted abs, arms and chest thick with muscle, you grabbed his hard ass. You smirked to yourself as you saw Madara’s nuts draw upwards throughout your ministrations.

“Enough.” He grasped your upper arm to walk you away from the window to the bed, to your disagreement. “I’m not done with you yet!” You growled, mustering up your strength to try and wrestle him back into position to slurp up his delicious penis again. Madara’s eyes narrowed despite his amusement at your display, an elegant brow lifting. Plucking you off your feet by the hips, he threw you over a shoulder before striding to the bed and tossing you in. You squawked in indignance, but by then, he was already looming over you, silky tresses forming a curtain framing both your faces. Tonight is not for patience, Madara decided, sinking two fingers into your dripping folds.

 “So wet already. Did you think you could stop me?”

You gasped. No matter how many times he took you, you still felt the initial stretch whenever he prepared you for penetration. But it stretched so good. You pushed back against his fingers and held his wrist, fingering yourself through his hand and moaning like a slut as he added a third finger.

“Mmm no. I like this position too. I think I’m getting exactly what I wanted,” you quipped, knowing that trying to boss Madara around would get a reaction out of him.

In response, Madara dipped down and lapped at your slick entrance, thumb applying hard pressure and dragging slowly against your clit. He inhaled and held his breath, savoring the sweet fragrance of your nectar.

“We will see.”

Suddenly the hand and warmth disappeared, only to be replaced by the smooth tip of his shaft, its foreskin fully retracted, completely erect. Madara shoved and hilted himself all at once, your breath leaving you as he immediately started a punishing pace. You were mesmerized by the sight of him rutting above you and the view of the connection point where two became one. You distantly wondered how something so large even fit.

Wrapping your legs around Madara’s waist, you mewled and gyrated upwards to meet his hips, hands hungry to find purchase wherever they could on his body.

“No.” Madara stilled.

Coming back down to Earth, your legs shook, but you obeyed him.

“Good girl.” You gulped at his expression now, dark amusement crinkling the edges of his obsidian eyes as he smiled at you. As he built up a tantalizing rhythm once more, you bravely pondered if you should try and fuck him back again.

Rational thought disappeared as an orgasm washed over you, your walls collapsing and convulsing around your partner, a string of unintelligible words leaving your mouth. You held onto your beloved to ground yourself, needing more –MORE– contact, wrapping your legs around his hips as your hands weaved into his mane.

Madara leered at you in satisfaction as you come undone before him –your back arched and throat exposed. “If you don’t stop squirming, I’ll pull out and leave you like this.” His hand reached for your neck and palmed it. No pressure applied, just him tracing up and down your throat as he grinned at you evilly.

What?! You were incredulous. How could he be so cruel when you were like this? Your jaws dropping and livid while still riding the waves of your release, you wanted nothing more than to slap that smug look off Madara’s stupid face.

“Or perhaps you’d like me to hold you down instead?”

You wanted to scream, but knew Madara would tease you more, so not knowing what else to say or do in this moment with your brain fried, you started crying instead. Witnessing your helpless display, his expression gentled. He was never able to deny you for THAT long. No matter, he could keep this going all night.

Madara bent down and put his weight on you as he grabbed both sides of your rump and pounded you into the mattress, balls slapping against your puckered orifice. To your relief, the new position allowed you to cling to your man as much as you needed. You sighed in contentment, revering his weight squishing you into the mattress, your pussy open and enjoying the onslaught, neither of you noticing the alarming squeals of your bed.

You finally looked at him again, only to find crimson staring hotly back at you, his eyelids peeled back impossibly wide as Madara hungrily drank you in. Were his pupils dilated? That was not a look you've seen before in a Sharingan. You stared back, captivated by his deadly form and unhinged expression. “He’s so beautiful” you thought. “Beautiful and dangerous,” you corrected yourself. But he was entirely yours. You whimpered, brain short-circuiting again as your nerves frayed and skin fried under his scorching treatment. You were simultaneously intimidated and intensely aroused for this man right now, the conflicting emotions boiling over to another orgasm.

Madara grunted and pushed in one last time before spilling his seed inside you. He kissed you hungrily, tongue dominating your mouth as you gave everything to him. The two of you rode your release, Madara slowly rocking against you while coming down from the pleasure, still sheathed within your cock sleeve. He hugged you closely to his chest and caressed the back of your head.

“You okay?” He asked.

You nuzzled against him, face pressed into his chest. “Couldn’t be better.” Your mind buzzed, the experience feeling like you got hit in the head by a meteor or two.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that, but somewhere along the way, Madara pulled out to lay beside you and continued cradling you like the treasure you were. You smiled to yourself, feeling his length still swollen. You detached yourself from his embrace to expose your ongoing heat as well.

“Madara……please…stop teasing me. Put it back in…” You wailed with your legs split and reached down to spread your vertical lips and show him your drooling pussy. “Please…please…I’m yours, have me.” You were now desperate and not above begging aloud. You needed to be filled up and fucked. You offered yourself again, as if you were paying homage to a god.

How did you go from being terrified of this wonderful man when you first met to this? This wanton, needy mess begging for more of Uchiha Madara’s cock?

“What a view,” Madara breathed out, proud of the sloppy mess he made between your legs. When you got like this, you usually brought out all his soft edges. But not tonight, when he already gave in to your pleading earlier. He had an idea.

“Of course,” he murmured. And like that, the dance continued.

_______________

As you were licking Madara clean of his cum, you relaxed into his gentle petting, ready to pass out in bliss. You gave him a silly smile.

Another set of hands brushed against your thighs, making your eyes snap open. A familiar voice started from yet another direction. “You thought I was finished?” You could only stare in horror as you looked around and discovered four additional pairs of eyes gazing darkly back at you in mirth.

“Ah –ah. Oh God.” No sassy comment came to mind. You were speechless.

“It’s just me, Y/N.” A Madara stepped up to your side to fondle and pinch your breasts. “Five-to-one. It’s the perfect ratio for playing games, don’t you think?”

Your mind melted from too many sets of hands groping you. There was the hand cupping your breast. A mouth on your other breast suckling the nipple. Another set of greedy hands kneaded your ass and seized your hips. A tongue slowly traced its way up your neck, leaving light butterfly kisses at your earlobes. Several fingers were buried in your sopping cunt, pumping.

“Did I already die and go to heaven?”

“I wouldn’t be there with you, love.”

You frowned at his reply as you distantly heard Madara mutter the name of some jutsu, then found your hands restrained. “Eeeeeepp!!!” You squeaked, eyes wide as you realized this time there was nothing you can hold onto as you faced five Madaras.

You were placed on your hands and knees. A hand wandered to your rear end and you felt a cold liquid applied as you were getting spit-roasted by two Madaras. A finger brushed your clit continuously. Feeling overwhelmed and helpless, you pushed back on the organ in your vagina. A finger dipped into your ass and you tensed, but you couldn’t look backwards, not when your mouth was so full and your head held in place.

The Madara in your mouth pulled out from your mouth to tilt your head up at him. He searched your face and eyes, unraveling his sensory abilities, carefully feeling for any hint you didn’t wish for what was to come. He found in you a blazing arousal, yes, but beyond that, utter trust and love. The part of his heart he thought he previously taught to close off ached. Before you, Madara didn’t know his broken heart would be capable of such intense love again after Izuna departed long ago. It made Madara once again feel a devotion that could drive him to insanity. He silently vowed to do better by you this time and protect you forever.

Nimble fingers traced around your rosebud, the touch feather light, as the digit already inside rotated back and forth, twisting, prodding. He beckoned for you to open for him. You were growing weak, unable to prop yourself up any longer without the support of your arms. A Madara chuckled and held you up with one hand on your chest, while an additional digit joining the unyielding one in your butt. You clenched and unclenched, relishing the stretching in your bottom even if you already felt stuffed.

The Madara inside your snatch grunted from your flexing pelvic muscles, the rhythmic contractions milked his member and pushed him over the edge. He withdrew and yet another Madara took his place, this one starting a hard, rapid tempo at once. You abruptly found yourself straddling him, breasts bouncing in his face while Madara #4 (5? You have no idea) positioned himself behind you, head bumping against your anus and pushing steadily.

You drew deep breaths and bore down, attempting to open your hole to ease the entry. Feeling needy, you whined and kissed the Madara under you, the one pummeling your cervix. You licked and nipped at his lower lip, rubbing your forehead against his as tears prickled your vision. The man in your ass bottomed out at last, pausing to give you a chance to adjust to his invasion.

A different Madara came up to your face to offer you his dick and you eagerly sucked it up to pacify yourself. You made an incomprehensible sound as you went into sensory overload from getting stuffed airtight, clenching hard at each of the organs penetrating you. The ass Madara picked up his pace, pulling himself out almost entirely before plunging back where he belonged.

“You feel delectable,” Madara remarked.

And you are divine, you thought back.

You swayed like a rag doll at the mercy of a relentless deity, rocking from being hammered from each angle, loving every moment of it. Your low calls echoed through the room, when a loud CRACK snapped you out of your stupor, gravity causing you to lose balance. Your scream was muffled by a Madara’s tool filling your gullet as you fell backwards.

As expected, none of these shinobi missed a beat. As the vertigo passed, you were suspended in the air by the same two Madara who were in your pelvis, safe from the wreck that was your bed as they continued to bang you from the front and back while standing. A strong set of hands clutched your butt possessively, another set of hands pressed into your hips to hold you up against them. Your legs waved lewdly in the air. Two rods pistoned tirelessly into your molten core, churning butter, what was deposited prior dripping onto the floor, the squelching of fluids obscene.

You eyed the ruins of your furniture and sigh, “Now I need a new bed.”

“Then come sleep in mine.”

Your eyes opened in surprise and you glanced at a Madara off to your side who was running hands down the length of the underside of your leg, carefully brushing the sweaty skin.

“Am I supposed to make the long walk to your house at the end of each day?” You replied weakly, leaning back on your lover and resigning yourself to sleeping on your mattress or couch until you arranged for a new bed frame.

“I’m serious. Come live with me.”

“Hn, I could always come pick you up.” A sharp thrust smacked your backside.

The Madara at your side turned. “She was not addressing you.” He glared viciously at himself. You snickered because of course Madara would argue with himself. But living with him…your tired mind wandered at the suggestion.

Ass Madara glared back at his maker and finished behind you, the original dismissing him in a cloud of smoke. You flailed briefly at the loss in support before he appeared at your rear and slid in easily. Madara groaned lowly as the pleasure his clone experienced rocked his world again. He whispered kind words of affection to you.

“You are mine,” he stated matter-of-factly. This one must be the original.

A translucent blanket of blue enveloped your world, several Susano’o ribs formed to possessively surround you and the remaining clones.

“I will always protect you.”

Within what was supposed to be the most sinister chakra, sandwiched between two Madaras while two more watched or caressed you, there was nowhere safer than in this tempestuous storm god’s embrace. There was nowhere you’d rather be.

“Yes. Yes to everything,” you answered him.

The jutsu restraining your arms vanished at once and you rejoiced in your new freedom. At last you can hold Madara back! You needed to touch him right now. You relaxed, legs entwining around clone Madara’s waist as you turned as much as you could to touch the real one’s face, fingers brushing over his eyebrows. You ran your other hand through his luscious raven strands to lock your fingertips around his nape and kissed him deeply, rolling your hips in a vain attempt to take even more of him.

Red eyes observed your every action, memorizing each minute change in expression with startling clarity.

“Madara, MADARA!“ You chanted his name like a prayer. You peered around at the Madara copies that appeared just as fiercely determined to protect as the original. Your breath hitched in panic. “Please don’t have your clones use Susano’o too! I understand your point!” You exclaimed, extremely worried your other belongings in the small apartment would break from Madara’s flexing.

You suddenly found your situation so ridiculous. Here you were with a broken bed after a long night of carnal activity, still getting railed by multiple copies of the same man inside the protection of his Susano’o. Your love for the only Uchiha Madara washed over you and you sobbed his name as a final orgasm wracked its way through your exhausted body.

---------------

“Spread yourself for me.” Huh? Your legs were already split wide open. Was he trying to break your hips? Possibly, but –oh.

“You are mine, no?” You flushed more, if it was even possible, as you caught on. You wordlessly submitted, tilting your hips to provide a better view, your legs spreading unbelievably wider. Then, parting your inner folds with one hand and pulling your rump apart with the other, you displayed your two open, dripping holes swollen from overuse.

Uchiha Madara studied your salacious exhibit, crimson irises meticulously scanning you from face to rear, eyes stopping at the oozing fluids saturating your nether regions.

"You are stunning," he observed.

He stroked himself before pushing inside once more, the inexplicable urge to claim you coming over him. Hot essence seared your insides and you collapsed like a limp bag of bones, dazed.

The gleaming moonlight illuminated your spent, naked forms tangled in each other. Two souls were one, everything was perfect. Madara wouldn’t trade this for anything.

“I love you,” you whispered.

I love you more, Madara thought, gazing softly at you, lacing his fingers through yours.

You smiled warmly at him. You knew you didn’t need a safe word.

~End~

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Umm that got out of hand. This was supposed to be a short smut fic ending after the first round and Madara’s clones popping up so I can laugh at us when we realize how much trouble we’re in. Instead I wrote out the group sex scene. *Face palm*

I headcanon that Madara is a very physical being and isn’t overly talkative during sex, preferring to show his feelings through actions, whether it’s touch or even the way he looks at you. While I believe he’s most vulnerable and most likely to engage in heart-to-heart post-coitus, he’s too overwhelmed by raw emotion at the end of my scene to articulate coherent thought, which was why he doesn’t verbally reply to you. Whatever he says though, he means 100% and he already called you "love" earlier.

Hope you enjoyed this work of love as much I did writing it.

Didn't want to insert a "big balls" joke in the story. Here's a Tengai Shinsei gif to remind us of the actual size of Madara's glorious nuts

Madara Headcanon

CW: NSFW. Pregnancy, period sex, anal sex

I love Madara headcanons, fanfics, scenarios, smut, meta analyses, fanart, and everything else to do with Madara. Been binging content the past months, but haven’t seen much on certain topics –likely because most people aren’t as degenerate as me? So I decided to write my own headcanons about Madara and an S/O who’s interested in pregnancy sex, period sex, and anal sex! Hope you enjoy.

Pregnancy sex

Madara is a traditional man at heart and can be a bit of a prude. While most sexual interests don’t bother him, the moment there’s potential for truly hurting a loved one, he’ll clam up. Pregnancy sex is where he’d think “Who does that?” in the most judgmental old man way possible. So Daddy Madara would need much convincing to participate.

In my mind, Madara would only father a child with a woman whom he already cares about greatly. He loves his woman and unborn child, is overprotective to hell and it would KILL him if he hurt his love and/or baby in any way. It doesn’t matter how pent up or needy he/she is, he’d push her off and tell her to behave. He’s soft with his pregnant partner (I’d like to think she’d also be his wife), so he wouldn’t tease her as much as he usually does when she gets this way. He’d distract her with (PG) activities she enjoys, take care of her, cooking her favourite meals and catering to her strange food cravings, massage her feet… which are fine wholesome activities, but not what she NEEDS!

Eventually the baby mama snaps at the poor Madara, who’s trying to do his best for his small family. She shows him evidence from literature and has permission from the doctor, informing him that it’s medically SAFE to have sex since theirs is a low-risk pregnancy. STILL, Daddy Maddy refuses her, citing his brute strength and the unacceptable possibility of hurting her or their baby. He’s also angry at this point, so the household would turn tense for a while with these two stubborn mules running it.

Madara may be frustrated (in more ways than one), but he’s unable to stay angry with his S/O forever. Her unhappiness distresses him and he slowly softens up again with her. He’s gone over the medical evidence that it’s okay to do the deed during the period when they were at odds with each other. Logically, he now knows it’s safe to do in their situation, but it still makes him uncomfortable. However, Madara ultimately wants whatever makes the S/O happy, as long as she (and baby) are safe.

The first time they have pregnancy sex is so beautiful. It’s been a long time for both of them. Madara would be so tender, ensuring he doesn’t put his weight on her, keeps his grasp gentle, and is fully in tune with how she is feeling. Though he’s feeling needy too, his queen’s needs are always placed before his own. He makes sure she knows they can stop at any time and that she’ll tell him if anything he’s doing is too much. It’d be like getting to know one another all over again.

When it later becomes clear the baby isn’t going to “fall out” and nothing bad passes, Madara would wonder why they didn’t do this earlier.

(They are responsible parents and stop having sex weeks before the due date)

Period Sex

Doesn’t bother Madara much at all. Blood? What’s the problem? At first he didn’t like the sight of blood leaving his S/O’s body, but he knows it’s a biological function and she’s not in pain nor injured. In fact, the orgasms he pulls from her body relaxes her and eases her symptoms, so he comes to enjoy it too. The blood getting all over the place isn’t cause for too much concern for Madara, who believes they can get most of it off without their house ending up looking like a murder scene. What they can’t adequately clean off, Madara will get replaced, whether it’s linens or even furniture. Madara just isn’t bothered by those sorts of things. The S/O however, is a bit more sensible and prefers the bloody murder sex on her heaviest days in the shower.

I can even see Madara and S/O taking a bath together while she’s on her period, the heat easing her cramps and mood more, bloody bath water be damned.

Anal Sex- also fem S/O here

So I don’t actually think Madara is a total prude. I think Madara would be open to anal sex if the S/O is interested. It wouldn’t be his first choice, but it’d be a nice bit of variety to change things up occasionally. He still prefers the pussy, since he has a breeding kink after all.

Madara would be generous with the prep and lube, the king of patience taking his time to loosen up the rear to accommodate his girth. Agonizingly slowly, he slips it in, inch by inch, until his hips are seated against hers. Her jaws drop. “It’s HUGE!” Madara laughs, telling her she’s had it before. Despite feeling the stretch and the sensation of being stuffed FULL, there was no real pain. He stays in place for as long as needed for her to get accustomed to the foreign sensation.

Madara picks up the pace over time. The view of her back exposed to him, completely vulnerable and trusting, her TIGHT HEAT surrounding his length, the notion that their activity is taboo… the moment has him undone. Madara wants to rut. He pounds the S/O with her ass up into the mattress to the music of her delighted screams.

His baritone gets even lower while he chuckles, “Is this what you wanted? To be on your hands and knees taking it like a dog? Such a naughty girl. Heh. NOW you’re embarrassed?” He taunts her and keeps his thrusts deep, stroking her back until she turns her head to peer up at her man, eyes unfocused yet filled with trust and devotion. Without even knowing it, Madara had his Sharingan activated, immortalizing this moment in his memory forever as he pushes in deep and fills her with his essence, determined to claim ALL of his lover.

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Wow that turned out much longer than I anticipated, but I couldn’t stop. My first real post and still trying to figure out this platform works. Hope you enjoyed my word vomit!