Im A Problem - Blog Posts

I haven't talked to them in a while maybe I should shoot them a message.

What if they don't wanna talk but will anyways cuz they're a nice person? you'll bother them.

What if you're just being clingy cuz they care about you? That's selfish.

They haven't messaged me.

What if they've never really WANTED to talk to you?

Maybe they don't wanna be bugged by you anymore.

Maybe they think you're ghosting them.

I'll wait for them to message me.

Me: I don't need a therapist. Thanks to my MaDD I know alot about my actions and reactions that would normally take years of therapy to figure out so seeking a proffesional to conferm that would be a silly waste of money.

Also me, thinking I'm selfish for thinking: I don't deserve anything I'm a worthless waste of skin I wish everyone would forget about me I'm such a bad person I should leave my friends and not burden them I should just run away so no one would

I woke up randomly last night, wrote this, and went back to sleep.

Y'know what sucks.

Having your love language be physical contact and everyone's chill about it.

You hug constantly, hold hands with your friends, cuddle with them, wrap an arm around their shoulder.

And then making knew friends, and barely touching them.

You rest your elbow on their shoulder once, they fall asleep during class and the teacher calls on them so you gentley rub their arm to wake them up, you hugged them once. One time.

And then, they say "You've just been really... touchy."

If the words didn't cut you enough, their tone, the way they glaced around nervously, split you.

They think you're a pervert.

You distance yourself from them. And, by force of nature, make a knew friend.

Some time passes, and, you've realized you're now terrified of touching someone without them touching you first.

You don't go in for hugs and squeeze youself into a corner so you don't bump knees with them.

Because, what if they think you're a creep.

It's more frightening than death at this point.

All the while, it hurts. You want to be close to them and hug them and hold hands and cuddle. And y'know what's worse?

They're 'touchy'.

They hug you all the time, they playfully nudge you, they came up to you and rest their head on your shoulder in greating, they've even held both your hands when you told them a not-so-normal story.

And, now, you live three hours away from them.