Im Exhausted - Blog Posts
On Your Shoulders
Sometimes luck never seemed to be on Izuku Midoriya’s side.
When Midoriya was a young teen, he was the victim of a hit-and-run. He had been walking on the sidewalk, minding his business, ready to return home after a long day at school when he was struck by a car. The car kept driving, but fortunately, a nearby security camera caught the entire thing on tape.
When he was admitted into the hospital he was rushed to the OR for immediate surgery. His spleen had torn so badly that it had to be removed.
While in recovery from his surgery, hospital staff quickly realized Izuku’s legs were paralyzed and assessed the damage. The prognosis was dire. Midoriya was likely never to walk again.
What made the entire situation even worse was that when Midoriya returned to school, the people he thought were his friends had outcasted him. People he had never even met before started teasing him and calling him all types of derogatory names. All because he had been the victim of a crime and was now disabled.
Katsuki Bakugo, one of Midoriya’s childhood friends, decided to throw away over a decade of friendship. The friendly “Midoriya” he always confidently called out was replaced with a disgusted “Deku”.
Doing his best to ignore the betrayal of everyone at his school, Midoriya decided he would take control of his life. Soon all his free time was spent at the rehab facility as he fought against his body to walk again. While the chances were slim, he wanted to fight against the odds.
By the time Midoriya’s middle school graduation ceremony came around, he had made incredible progress. While he still needed to utilize arm canes because his legs would still occasionally buckle, he was able to walk down the aisle to obtain his awards.
No one in the school knew Midoriya had been training to gain motor function in his legs again. So, when Midoriya magically rose from his wheelchair, grabbed his arm canes, and made his way up to the principal to receive an award, the entire school went crazy. Many were amazed and couldn’t deny they were impressed.
Bakugo on the other hand was pissed. Midoriya made a fool out of him, and he’d never forgive him for that. Unfortunately for Bakugo, Midoriya didn’t apply for the same school as him.
Whatever childish grudge Katsuki had; he couldn’t make Midoriya any more miserable than he already was. For the first time since they were babies, Midoriya wasn’t a part of Bakugo’s life.
Against all odds, fate brought Bakugo and Midoriya back together. Despite being separated by an hour-long drive, attending separate universities, and having a close to zero chance of running into each other, there was one thing that could overcome all the barriers. That was school sports.
Somehow, they both took an interest in competitive weightlifting. One moment, Bakugo is basking in the glory of his great performance, and then he’s met with the sight of Midoriya lifting the same weight with ease. Despite the wave of emotions that crashed on Bakugo, he and Midoriya seemed to agree to keep their distance.
All it took was one competition for Katsuki’s teammates to be fond of Midoriya and his teammates. Technically speaking, each student was responsible for themselves, so the pressure of competition was evenly distributed. The lack of school vs. school made it a much more welcoming environment.
It was hard not to like Midoriya once a person caught wind of his story of overcoming being paralyzed.
Midoriya was more than happy to become friends with everyone competing. They all shared a similar interest, so he didn't see the harm in becoming close with an opponent from another school. It was nice to no longer be held down by the past.
Now people could look at him as an idol rather than a waste of space. He overcame the challenges life threw at him and now he was standing on the same level as Todoroki Shoto, the son of pro-wrestler Endeavor and the boy who had the attention of everyone in the room.
The funniest thing was that Todoroki only had his eyes on Midoriya. That was the case for most of Midoriya's fellow team members. Uraraka, Iida, Momo, Aoyama, Tsuyu, Ojiro, and Shoji were all obsessed with Midoriya and everything he did.
It took three competitions for it to become impossible to keep the distance.
"Kacchan."
"Deku."
With a greeting only containing their childish nicknames, whatever awkward tension had been building between them disappeared. They both decided to leave the past in the past and share a rivalry that wasn't anything serious. It was a freeing experience for both Bakugo and Midoriya.
The end of their first year was approaching and the competitions were getting increasingly serious. The biggest competition was hosted by UA, a giant corporation that produces weight-lifting gear and trains some of the best weightlifters to date.
The weightlifting competition was to determine qualifiers for the semi-finals. Unlike any other competition, this was going to be on live television instead of an online live stream. When the event came around, the building was filled with an exhilarating energy.
Usually, at competitions all the competitors were chatting amongst one another. This time teams were stuck close together so not a lot of mindless chatter was happening. Nonetheless, Bakugo’s team and Midoriya’s team stationed themselves side by side.
Safe to say, Izuku Midoriya was a beast. Looking at him around campus, anyone would believe he was just another lanky nerd. When summer came around and people got a look at his incredibly muscular legs, people grew interested in just how strong their peer was.
While Bakugo and Kirishima recognized that Midoriya was strong judging by his muscles, they didn't believe that he would be stronger than them.
Kirishima didn't want to seem judgmental, but Midoriya's muscles appeared significantly smaller than his and Bakugo’s. He also noticed Midoriya was wearing compression socks and sports tape around his knees signaling injuries.
Kirishima and everyone else sharing the same thoughts as him were proven wrong. Midoriya was still going strong after countless rounds passed with the weight steadily increasing. If anything, no one could tell if he was struggling or not. The weight appeared to move with his body, showing no resistance against gravity.
The next round arrived, and the weight was at a staggering 250 lbs./115 kgs. Nearly everyone had tapped out except for Midoriya, Bakugo, and a couple of upperclassmen. Kirishima had maxed out at 225lbs./102 kgs.
As Midoriya listened to the buzzer ring, he lowered his calloused and scarred hands to the barbell with a grin. In a flash, he engaged his body to effortlessly raise the weight and then swooped his body into a squat as the weight was swung up and placed at the shoulders. With ease, Midoriya pushed up, finishing his squat without struggle.
Much to everyone's surprise, Midoriya rested the barbell on his chest and shoulders.
"What the hell is he doing?" hissed Bakugo, irritated at this dramatic display. For a moment he believed Midoriya was trying to get himself disqualified.
"Is he okay?" whispered Jiro in fear of Midoriya's wellbeing.
Their attention was grabbed by Uraraka who had loudly gasped and covered her mouth. Bakugo turned to Kirishima before looking back at Midoriya. "The fuck?"
"I don't know bro," answered Kirishima, concern laced in his tone.
Suddenly, Midoriya raised one hand to support the barbell while his other hand rose into the air to reveal a finger facing the wrong direction. Everyone in the room turned to watch Midoriya as news of a dislocated finger reached everyone in five seconds.
As the people at home and the crowd in the room watched Midoriya try and bend his finger, they also focused on his face. The most shocking part of the entire situation was that Midoriya's expression was calm and didn't signal discomfort.
Putting all the weight of the barbell on his upper body, Midoriya removed the hand that had been stabilizing the bar to grip his finger and snap it back into place.
“Holy shit,” croaked Bakugo with a disbelieving grin.
Todoroki stared at Midoriya in amazement as he breathed out a soft, “Woah.”
On the other hand, Uraraka sported a wrinkled nose, curled upper lip, and squinted eyes as she stared. “What the fuck?”
Kirishima stared with a dropped jaw and mortified eyes. Mina rested a hand under Kirishima’s dropped jaw before closing his mouth. Her mouth was also hanging wide up. Kaminari closed Mina’s mouth with his mouth also hanging wide open. Jiro shook her head at the entire situation and turned to leave the area.
Some people in the room let out yelps of shock, disgust, and amazement. Still, despite the small noises, the room was completely silent.
Bakugo stared up at Midoriya, choosing to ignore the pounding in his chest and the sweatiness of his palms. All he could do was stare at Midoriya and watch as he finished his jerk after dislocating and relocating his finger from his clean.
After returning both hands to the barbell and fixing their positioning, the weight was back onto his hands and arms. Not needing a moment to catch his breath or brace himself for the jerk, Midoriya thrusted the barbell over his head and locked his arms tightly.
After another buzzer rang out, Midoriya let the barbell crash to the ground with a loud bang. At that moment, the entire building erupted with screams and cheers. That was the most badass thing the weightlifting community has experienced in a long time.
Despite how intense the moment was and how Midoriya should've been also celebrating such an epic moment, he did the opposite. Midoriya turned to the cameras, offered a sweet smile with a gentle wave, and walked over to where some medics were waiting.
Midoriya had dislocated his finger, and it was rather painful. His teammates raced after him, clearly not letting him run away from their praise. Meanwhile, Bakugo watched him leave with a gaze that worried Kirishima, Kaminari, Mina, and Sero.
The rest of the competition flew by. Somehow Midoriya getting injured and still performing like a pro boosted every competitor’s morale. People were lifting weights they had never dreamed of lifting before, and they were trucking it along.
There was a thirty-minute waiting period for scores and rewards. During that time, countless reporters tried to find Midoriya to interview him about the finger incident.
Soon reporters weren’t the only ones looking for Midoriya. His teammates couldn’t find him, nor could Bakugo’s teammates. They all wanted to ask him questions and make sure he was okay.
Behind the building in-between rose bushes, Bakugo and Midoriya hid away from the world. They both knew their rank and were less than worried about making it back on time. It wouldn’t be the first time they got a lecture from their coaches.
“That was sick as fuck Deku,” admitted Bakugo, looking at Midoriya’s splinted finger.
Midoriya looked up at Bakugo with a giddy smile. “Thank you Kacchan. I was worried they were going to disqualify me.”
Bakugo’s large hands grasped Midoriya’s wrist and tugged it close. “Did it really not hurt?”
It was quiet for a moment before Midoriya turned his body towards Bakugo. “I thought you knew this, but I experienced nerve damage all through my body. While my legs were paralyzed and I had to work to gain motor function back, my hands never lost function, but I lost a lot of feeling in them.”
“Is that why you’re avoiding those idiots inside?” questioned Bakugo with a smirk.
“What?” squeaked Midoriya, putting all his body weight onto the wall of the building.
“Yeah, there were a shit ton of reporters looking for you in there?” confirmed Bakugo, following Midoriya’s lead and resting.
Midoriya shook his head with a grin. “I had no idea. But now that you mention it, I have no desire to go in. I don’t want to explain my entire life story to them.”
It wasn’t hard to understand why Midoriya wouldn’t want to answer questions. His answer couldn’t be simplified to a simple I just like snapping my fingers back into place.
“All of the people would probably ask you the same boring question anyways,” sighed Bakugo, looking up at the setting sun.
A comfortable weight was placed on Bakugo’s shoulder. The soft fluffy hair touching his neck told him everything he needed to know. Without saying a word, Bakugo placed a hand on Midoriya’s propped-up knee.
After letting the comfort of Midoriya’s touch fester inside him, Bakugo decided to say what was on his mind.
“Sorry for being an asshole,” grumbled Bakugo, looking away.
“Glad to know you realize you were an asshole. Let me nap for five minutes and consider yourself forgiven,” yawned Midoriya as he relaxed further.
Bakugo didn’t bother responding, but he did have to smack Midoriya three minutes into the peaceful nap. “Stop touching my pecs.”
“Shut up Kacchan,” hissed Midoriya with a childish grin.
The flash of a phone caught the duo’s attention, and they looked up fearfully only to be met with Todoroki holding up a phone. “About time. I’ve been waiting two months to get my money.”
Midoriya gawked at his best friend while Bakugo was already on his feet, ready to battle.
“I’m going to kill you Half-and-half bastard!”
Yeah, so where's my credit?🥺
Being chronically ill or having chronic pain is exhausting, but it's also normal for you after a while, so it's not really a bummer most of the time. It's just "oh yeah lol my hands usually feel like someone attacked them with small hammers" but you know, it's whatever.
That is, until one time you get up on the wrong side of the bed, or you're a bit hormonal, or too many other things go wrong, or you're just Sick Of It for a minute, and you completely break down and you can't stand the continuous discomfort, the tiredness, the pain, the having to remember medication, always keeping your guard up, dealing with risks day to day, watching your self care habits, not being able to work (and oftentimes having to anyway) etc etc. But then you're fine again and you go back to the small hammers and it's normal again.
It's tough living with that and never getting any credit for it, tbh
You ever have an out of body experience and ask yourself what the hell is happening….
Cause like I was just reading some spicy fanfic and now I’m contemplating the size ratio of a dragon to its shmeat based off of background information like it’s size compared to a lake
And imma be honest the math ain’t mathing
I made cinnamon muffins! Also it’s like 2:00 am and I just finished.
aaaaaa drank a ton of coffee to try and help me to focus on my schoolwork,, nope welcome to hell
Everyone is asleep and I'm sitting here and can't sleep from my disturbing thoughts, so I'll write them here, maybe it's familiar to someone:
1. I just turned 18 years old and just finished school, and I'm already working. At the same time I work with thoughts that I need to earn money to provide for myself, to help my parents, to make repairs in the apartment, to pay for my studies, to pay for my wants in the form of a new phone and tablet. This is all under the fact that no one is chasing me, no one is rushing me, and I chose the way to like a damn for what? A good life? I seem to have it now not bad, but ambitions in the form of "you can live better" make me spit on my health and work, work, work and work again.
I can't sit down and watch a movie on my day off because the anxiety of "you're wasting your time", "you should try harder", "you should succeed and that's why you have to work" starts. Because of this, on my only day off, instead of sitting quietly and watching a movie I've wanted to watch for a long time, I listen to it in the background because I'm doing other things: cleaning the apartment, painting, cooking, etc.
2. For the first time, I made a choice independent of my parents' opinion and wishes. I decided to go to college to be a designer and yes, I know that in this field of fucking competition, and I am a person that if you do something better than me, then well done, you are good. No, I'm not gonna give up my favorite thing that's been with me since I was a kid. I love to draw and I will continue to do it, but the fucking anxiety will scream in my head that I'm "not good enough", that I "need to try harder".
I know it's just stupid reaching and chasing the perfect result, but I can't get rid of it. It's like if I stop working, working hard every day, I'll break down.
All that saves me from depression is constant labor. Without it, I will feel useless, a "shame" that I didn't achieve my goals and meet my expectations.
It's a fucking vicious circle when you realize you're tired, but you can't stop working, because if you stop, your life will stop on the cross you put on yourself.
Its been a min. How are you😭❤️❤️❤️
Hey!
Tysm for asking I really appreciate it and I love it when people come to check up on me and just see how I’m doing and just overall patient
In all honesty, it’s a bit of a challenge to get back into writing especially from a long hiatus like the one I took (the one I took before starting this blog) but slowly but surely I’m getting comfortable writing again and not being so hard on myself about it
I took a slight break there’s been a lot of personal stuff going on so I haven’t been able to focus on writing
However, I will start taking writing requests and making posts soon
Thank you again 💕
Some low quality doodles for today because guess who just moved into their university dorm 😝😋
I think my biggest flaw is irrelevancy.
I make myself relevant, I force myself into people's lives, even if it's for the worse long term because short term happiness is more palpable. And by that same logic, there is little meaning if I'm irrelevant. I need to mean something to people, sometimes a bad something is more relevant than a good something.
This being said, right now, being irrelevant would be a lot less tiresome.
The life and the dream in Chicago.