Growing up right, i always knew I had anxiety. I was that kid who would stay home on days they had horrible anxiety it caused them nausea. But it wasn't until I went to therapy and I talked for 30 minutes and my therapist looked at me and went. Girl, you have crippling social anxiety and are a chronic people pleaser.
Which is ironic because for years I would say I know I have some issue but I know it's not social anxiety or being a people pleaser. When all my energy was spent in acting "normal" at school. I'd plan conversations in my head. When I spent majority of my life up until now, curating separate persona's for school, family friends etc. The only time I truly didn't have to perform was when I was alone. When the only time (even now as I'm working through it), i feel like i dont have to perform and pretend it is online. When even birthdays sound like hell bc I hate attention being on me. When I absolutely refused to ask for help in school for fear of judgement. When I'd be so hyper aware and hypersensitive to people's tones, body language, and facial expressions. When I'm so scared to approach people first and be friendly. When the only way I loosen up is when I'm not sober. Like hello??? Delusional.
When I'd go above and beyond and just try to make everything easier for everyone around me even if it caused me discomfort. When I would agree to things I didn't wanna do to avoid awkward situations. When I literally tolerated being "friends" with my bully because I knew my friends wouldn't drop her even though no one liked her because she was well a bully.
Anyways therapy is a real eye opener